


Taking Back The Life You Stole

by 0loveisasong0



Series: Give Them Blood [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, Blood and Gore, Developing Relationship, Friendship, Injury, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Near Death, Nightmares, Smoking, Torture, Vampire Turning, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:46:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 57,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0loveisasong0/pseuds/0loveisasong0
Summary: Frank has accepted the bad luck that seems to surround his life, injuries, illness, and accidents have become the norm for him. There is only one thing that doesn't quite fit into that standard, a beautiful man that sits on the other side of the bar he works at almost every night.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Series: Give Them Blood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865632
Comments: 13
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

Frank looked out the window, glancing at the brick wall on the other side of the dingy alley. There was a certain aura that seemed to rise out of the cracked asphalt that paved the narrow patch of land between his apartment building on the bar next door. The thought of leaving his bed crossed his mind for the third time that day, but it still wasn’t enough to convince him to move his aching legs. He’d fallen down the stairs the day before, drunk, and scraped up his knees pretty bad. It was not the first time it had ever happened, god, it wasn’t the first time it happened since he moved into this apartment. It’s not his fault he lives next door to a bar, he could blame Ray for that. It wasn’t either of their first choices, but it was the cheapest, and they needed cheap. Frank heard the usual sound of digital gunshots coming from the living room and knew that Ray must be up and playing video games, which meant it had to be Sunday. Ray had a regular 9-5 type of job, and this was really the only way Frank was able to keep track of the days.

  
Frank scrubbed his hands over his face, the cracked skin on his palms feeling equally rough against the stubble on his jaw. He rolled his eyes and came to the consensus he would have to get out of bed, might as well do it sooner than later. He kicked his legs over the edge of the bed and tested weight on his sore knees. It hurt, but he could walk. He took a few cautious steps and then made a beeline to the bathroom. It was nearly one in the afternoon at this point and he didn’t bother showering last night after his… incident. He stripped down and took a deep breath before looking down at his knees. They were still caked in blood. The blood was mixed with dirt and gravel and he knew he should have cleaned it out last night, but better late than never. He tried to brush the gravel away with his hand. It hurt a lot more than he expected. He closed his eyes, bit his bottom lip, and forced out a breath. His blood had turned into an almost sick sort of glue and trapped the small rocks against his skin. As soon as they were pushed off droplets of blood began to bead down his shins.

  
“Yeah, Ray,” Frank mocked to himself in the mirror, “I’ll be fine living next to and working in a bar. No, I’m definitely not still an alcoholic.” He shook his head at himself, his long hair was stringy and dirty.

  
He climbed in the shower and tried to wash his legs as much as possible. The blood mixed with the water and turned the water a grim pink at his feet. He probably scrubbed harder than he needed to but he really didn’t need another blood infection. In general, he liked the feeling of being clean, it made him feel like a real person. He even liked showers, the hotter the better. He swore the hotter the water the cleaner it got you. He got out after a while and reached for the darkest towel on the shelf. His knees were still bleeding a little and he didn’t need to stain a towel that didn’t even belong to him.

  
Ray had been generous enough to cover a larger portion of the rent and provide most of the furnishings for their house. Frank hadn’t been in a great place when they first moved here a year ago. He had recently gotten in a series of fights with his family that ended with him being kicked out. He was able to live out of his car for a while without any of his friends becoming aware of his situation. Two, maybe three months passed and he had been fine, making cash at the restaurant he waited at. It was at this time that his drinking problem got to an all time low. He was just off work, drunk from sneaking shots in the back, and was driving to the park and ride that was just outside city limits. For a long time, he swore it wasn’t his fault, the other car was the problem. The reality, that he has now since accepted, was that he started to pass out at the wheel and got hit head-on by a semi. He woke up in a hospital with no serious injuries, just a number of deep cuts across his arms and face. Ray was there, and the only other thing in the room he recognized were the two trash bags full of his only possessions in the world. Ray quickly called him out for not telling him sooner about his situation, but he also knew Frank well enough that it was more about pride and embarrassment than anything else. At that point, he had to put his pride aside and let Ray do what he did best: Take care of people.

  
Ray had been saving up money for a while and was able to move out of his parent’s place fairly quickly. He was able to make the down payment and most of the first few months’ rent for the both of them. Frank used the last of his cash to stay in a hotel for a few days while Ray got the apartment in order. He was grateful for Ray, but his pride still wouldn’t let him stay with Ray’s parents, no matter how much Ray urged it.

  
Slowly, he was getting better. He got a job at the bar next door, even though Ray was wary, he knew he needed money and eventually gave in, since he didn’t have a car to take him anywhere. Frank was finally able to pay his equal half of the rent, but that didn’t negate the fact that Ray owned almost everything. Ray didn’t mind, he had a decent job, and he cared so much about Frank it all seemed like a no brainer to him. Frank didn’t see it the same. He saw himself as a burden and was constantly worried Ray would eventually resent him. For this reason, Frank was doing everything he could to pull his own weight, he bought groceries when he could, and slowly, very slowly, was buying furnishings for their apartment.

  
He left the bathroom still wrapped in a towel and made his way back to his room. He grabbed the first thing of the top of his clean clothes pile, dark jeans and a plain black V-neck. He towel dried his hair and just let it flop down naturally. He had to work again tonight, and this time, he swore he wouldn’t get drunk. His clothes from yesterday lay in their own heap on the floor, and he nervously picked up his jeans.

  
“Fuck.” He swore under his breath. There were two large holes, one in either knee, that had not been there the day before. He threw them back on the ground, shaking his head with a sigh. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts anymore, and, right now, the best distraction would be to watch Toro play video games. He wandered out to the living room and slid onto the couch next to Ray without a word.

  
Ray didn’t even look away from the screen for a second. He kept playing all while saying, “I saw you come home last night. You looked rough.”

  
Frank winced, he had hoped Ray was already asleep and didn’t see him. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide something from him, the worst part was really that he didn’t want to disappoint Ray. “Yeah. I fell on the steps outside coming home from work. It was dark.”

  
Ray paused the game now, and Frank really knew he was going to get it. Ray turned to him and said, “Frank, you were drunk. I’m not stupid.” He set down the controller on the coffee table.

  
Frank moved his tongue against his lip ring, contemplating what to say. He just nodded. He couldn’t even bring himself to look up Ray’s face.

  
“Frank,” Ray said quietly, shaking his head and placing a hand on his shoulder. He waited to start talking again until Frank finally looked up. “Frank, I love you man, but you can’t do that anymore. I can’t worry you’re in danger every time you go to work.”

  
“I’m fine. I fucked up, I know, but it won’t happen again.” Frank sighed, brushing his hair off of his face.

  
Ray probably would have believed him too, if when he looked down he didn’t notice the small growing spots of red across Frank’s knees. “You are not fine. You’re still bleeding.” Ray shook his head, his soft curls bouncing around him. He motioned for Frank to pull down his pants, and with an eye roll, he obliged. He was left standing in front of Ray in just his boxers with his jeans crumpled at his ankles. Ray very quickly started prodding at his knees.

  
“Watch it, man, that hurts.” Frank went to swat his hands away but Ray just slapped the back of his hands.

  
“I’m sorry,” Ray said, looking up quickly so he could apologize to Frank’s face, but he quickly went back to surveying the bloody flesh. “You need to put a band-aid on this. It’s gonna get infected.” Ray said and stood up, walking out of the room quickly to grab the box of band-aids from the medicine cabinet.

  
Frank just stood there, feeling dumb. His knees ached and his only pair of good work pants now had blood on them. The bar would be dark, he knew, but it still annoyed him.

  
Ray returned quickly, triumphantly waving the box of Sesame Street band-aids. He quickly knelt down in front of Frank and started crisscrossing the band-aids over the bigger cuts. It was messy, but it was the best he could do. “Now put your pants back on.” Ray waved his hands in the direction of Frank’s exposed legs.

  
He pulled his jeans back up and buttoned them before flopping down onto the couch. He turned to Ray when he returned to his spot. “I am really sorry, man. I promise I’m getting better. I’m trying.”

  
“I know,” Ray nodded, “But maybe you can cut back on the thing that’s already almost gotten you killed. It’s not your only vice, you and I both know that.” Ray eyed the pack of cigarettes that belonged to Frank sitting on the coffee table not far from the box of band-aids.

  
It was easy for Ray to say, Frank thought, he never had to deal with an addiction. He could have a beer and it was just a beer. He picked at the now dried blood on his jeans. As Frank began to close back in on himself, Ray relaxed enough to pick the controller up and start playing his game again. Frank watched idly, more or less zoning out in the general direction of the TV screen. Video games were never really his thing, not the way they had always been for Ray. He kind of would just listen to music, smoke, and drink. He used to play guitar too, but his was ruined in the car accident, and he didn’t feel right asking to play Ray’s. That was too far for him, simply too much to ask for. The dull ache was becoming sharper the longer he sat. He stared at his knees, almost expecting to see the blood stains start to grow again, but they didn’t. Suddenly he had to move. He grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the table and stood up so fast his knees banged against the edge. He swore but kept moving. He pulled a black hoodie off a hook near the door and let it slam shut behind him.

  
He was sitting on the steps, cigarette lit and caught between his teeth before he even noticed he hadn’t even bothered to put on shoes. Dirt stuck to the bottoms of his feet, but it didn’t bother him. He took in heavy breaths, the air shaking as he blew out. There was almost a euphoric feeling, his fingertips felt warm and he loved the way there was a slight burn in his lungs, it reminded him that he was alive. Ray didn’t allow smoking in the apartment, so this wasn’t an unusual occurrence, sitting outside smoking, but it always felt lonely. He flicked off the ash and watched it fall to the ground.

  
He stood up, holding the cigarette between his lips so he could wipe his hands on his pants. Without even thinking about it, he began to make his way to the alley. The ground was littered with trash and broken glass. He didn’t step into it, acutely aware of his bare feet, but he felt a need to be close, almost like it was calling him. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach as he noticed red stains on the far wall. He lowered his brow, trying to get a better look. He took a wary step forward, but it was too late.

  
“Shit.” He yelled as he felt something stick into the bottom of his foot. The cigarette dropped out of his mouth and he hobbled his way back to the stairs to make sure he didn’t push whatever was in his foot deeper. He sat back and carefully lifted his foot into his lap. It was a small piece of glass, stuck just into the arch of his foot. He bit down on his tongue and pulled it out as quickly as possible.

  
A drop of blood hit the dirty stairs below him, and he knew he was going to leave a trail all the way up to their apartment. He hobbled in the door and up the stairs to number 21 and fell hard against the door handle. He pushed his way in with a groan to make sure he’d catch Ray’s attention right away. “I stepped on glass.” He muttered as soon as he got the door shut behind him.

  
Ray was at his side quicker than Frank thought possible, helping to lower him to the ground. “Frankie, come on, I only have so many band-aids.” Ray tried to joke, but he was so worried about Frank that it fell flat. He wiped at the hole with a washcloth and soap, which, Frank thought, hurt more than necessary, but Ray wasn’t going to stop.

  
He laid himself back, keeping his foot in the air so Ray could work his magic on it. He didn’t need to sit up and watch. Letting Ray do his thing was the best thing he could do, he didn’t know the first thing about first aid anyway and wasn’t about to try.

  
Ray stuck a band-aid into place and scowled. “Maybe you shouldn’t go to work tonight. You seem to be a walking accident, and I’m all out of band-aids.”

  
“I have to.” Frank shook his head. He left out the part where he had to because he was trying to pay Ray back, for everything. “I’m fine, really. I’ll be able to walk fine, and anyway, I’ll be just behind the bar, that’s only a 10-foot area to walk.” Frank pushed himself back up into a sitting position.

  
“If you say so.” Ray held out his hand to help Frank up, and he gladly accepted.

  
“Anyhow,” Frank started again once he was standing. “If I can go to work after getting tattooed, I can handle scraped knees and a sore foot.” It hurt a lot more than Frank was going to admit, but he put on a brave face and walked as evenly as possible to his room to get socks.

  
Instead of grabbing socks, he changed his mind and pushed himself back up into his bed to lie down. If he was going to make it through work tonight, he was going to need at least a small amount of sleep between then and now. The clock by his bed read 2:31. He didn’t have to be at work until 6, and he was already in his work clothes, so he set his alarm for 5 and let himself go back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Two and a half hours didn’t seem like nearly enough when his alarm started blaring at him. He didn’t fight it, though, because if he admitted how bad he felt, Ray wouldn’t let him go to work. So he bit his lip, hissed in a breath, and got out of bed. For some reason, looking in the mirror just made him feel worse, his skin looked pale, and the bags under his eyes seemed worse than usual. He squeezed his eyes shut and dragged his hands over his face, hoping it would bring some color into his face. He knew Ray was going to ask if he was okay the second he stepped out of his room, so he tried to waste as much time as possible. Eventually, he trudged out of his room and shuffled to the kitchen. He hadn’t eaten all day and the nausea was starting to rise from his stomach.  


The cabinets in the kitchen were filled with boxes of various non-perishables, but most of that belonged to Ray as well. Frank pulled out a box of cereal he bought last week and poured himself a bowl. It wasn’t much of a meal, but at least it was his food. Frank sat at one of the three odd chairs at the folding table they called a dining table. He kept his back facing the living room so he wouldn’t have to make eye contact with Ray while he was eating.  


Ray wasn’t a bad guy, in fact, he was a great guy, one of the best people Frank had ever met. Frank thought that at times he was almost too nice, because he knew he could never repay him for everything he had done. There was something playing on the TV in the other room, but he couldn’t quite make out what it was. There was a laugh track. He finished his dinner, even if he didn’t really think he could call it that. He still had half an hour before work, and he couldn’t lie and say he was leaving early because he was worried about traffic, on account of it being next door… and him not having a car. The legs of the chair scraped roughly against the floor as he got up. He rinsed his bowl and just left it in the sink to deal with later. Dishes weren’t really in it right now. The sound on the TV stopped and the sound of footsteps started making their way to the kitchen. A chair squeaked against the floor and he allowed himself one more deep breath before turning around to face Ray, sitting backward on a chair, a worried look pressed on his lips.  


“What’s up, man?” Frank said casually, leaning his weight back until the counter.  


Ray seemed to be staring into Frank’s soul like he could see how terrible he felt. “Are you sure you’re okay to go to work tonight?”  


Frank looked down at his hands. The black nail polish was chipped, but that never bothered him too much. It always looked worse when he still played guitar. Ray was still looking pointedly at him, so he eventually had to look back up and say something. “I’m fine, see?” A lie, “I’m standing. The nap really helped.” Another lie.  


Ray nodded, slowly, “Okay, but I’ll be waiting up for you, so don’t do anything dumb.” For a second Frank thought Ray could tell he was lying, but he stood up anyway and walked back to the living room. A moment passed and the sound came back on the TV with an explosion of canned laughter.  


He liked being around someone, they didn’t have to be talking, just the company was nice. He sat on the far side of the couch, nodding at Ray when he looked up to greet him. They’d been friends for so long, most of their interaction looked like that. Frank couldn’t imagine a better living situation. He watched as Ray flipped through the channels, never settling on anything for more than a few minutes. It was a good pastime, even if they weren’t actually watching anything. Sometimes he just needed a break from everything, even thinking. He didn’t always understand Ray, and why he did the things he did, but he was always a calming presence and a constant, something Frank hated to admit he needed.  


Frank stole a glance towards the clock on the wall, reading 5:54, he gave a grunt and moved to stand up. Ray gave him a nervous look, but Frank just waved him off. Before heading to the door he grabbed the pack of cigarettes off the table and shoved them in his pocket. His shoes were waiting by the door, just under the hook with his hoodie thrown upon it. He shoved his vans on roughly, wincing at the pain, but just grabbed his hoodie and rested his hand on the door. “I’ll see you tonight, Ray.”  


Ray just nodded and gave him a thumbs up in return.  


The stairs were grueling on his knees, shooting waves of sharp pain up his legs with every step. He tried to take it slow, but it was useless either way. As soon as he was out the front door he lit up a cigarette and pushed it between his lips. He inhaled deeply, trying to finish it before he got to the front door of the bar. It wasn’t hard, he was walking slowly as is. It only took him two more puffs leaning against the front wall to burn it down to the filter. He threw it down and smashed it out with his better foot.  


“Aight, let’s do this.” Frank sighed and pushed his way in the front door. It was dark and the air felt heavy. There was always a certain smell to the place that Frank just couldn’t put his finger on, something like a mix of old liquor and stale smoke. It was gross at first, but through his time working here it began to become almost comforting. Frank waved a hand at the person behind the bar, Aimee, and she nodded back. There was only one person at the bar and they were busy studying a random flier on the counter. Their hands were both wrapped around a nearly empty glass, another empty glass pushed against the edge in front of them.  


“Hey, Frank,” The guy said without even turning around.  


Frank knew the voice immediately. He was a regular at the bar, here enough to know the work schedule and who would be there and when. As far as Frank knew, he wasn’t an alcoholic, Frank really just thought he liked the company. He was a nice guy, so Frank didn’t mind him always being there, he actually really enjoyed it most of the time. Some nights, when the bar was particularly dead, he would be the only one there, and those nights were Frank’s favorites. They would talk for hours, and nights that should have been lonely and sad were just the opposite.  


“Hey, Gerard,” Frank replied, coming behind the bar to stand next to Aimee.  


She was wiping down the counter and didn’t even look up to say, “The place is all yours Frank. It’s been dead all-day so there hasn’t been much to do.” She paused and looked up. “Need me to do anything before I head out?”  


“Nah, I should be fine.” Frank waved her off. “Have a good night!” He added in so he didn’t seem so cold.  


Aimee gave him a thumbs up, took her apron off, and folded over the edge of the counter. “You too, Iero.” She called back as she was heading out the door.  


The door thudded shut behind her and Frank turned to face Gerard. He looked disheveled but his eyes were always so kind to look at. His hair was longer than Frank’s, brushing over his shoulders, and it was just as dark as Frank’s. He always wore black and almost always had a jacket on, but it didn’t make him look closed off, just cozy. He was smiling up at Frank now and it instantly made him feel calm.  


“How’s it going today?” Frank asked, leaning back against the counter opposite the bar. He looked at Gerard’s fingers around the glass, his nails had the same chipped black polish on them that Frank’s did.  


“I’m good, I got to spend a lot of time with Mikey today.” Gerard smiled again.  


Mikey was Gerard’s younger brother. Frank had never met him, but he’d befriend Ray. He knew he worked at a video game store down the street that Ray frequented. He knew he was scrawny from the times he saw him through the window when he walked past said shop. Frank also knew him and Gerard were really close, exactly how brothers should be, in theory. “That’s nice! How’s he doing?”  


“Oh, he’s good. He doesn’t have many friends, you know. He doesn’t really like talking to people, but he won’t shut up about your roommate, Ray.” Gerard laughed softly. “Ray basically forced them to be friends. I think it’s good for him. He’s a good influence.”  


Frank laughed at that. He couldn’t think of a better influence than Ray Toro. “Yeah, he’s a good guy. I’m glad he has someone else to talk to about video games, I’m not really an expert on that topic.” Frank loved Ray like a brother, but at times he thought they couldn’t have less in common. Frank smiled at Gerard, then turned around to grab a glass. He poured himself a glass of the cheapest beer and raised it in Gerard’s direction and took a sip.  


“You know,” Gerard mused, twirling a straw in his beer that he had just grabbed to play with, not to drink through. “I don’t think they know that we’re friends. Honestly, I don’t think they even know that we know each other.”  


Frank stopped in the middle of a drink. He had never heard someone say they were friends first, he always seemed to force people to be friends with him, and here someone was, claiming to be his friend. He finished his sip and set the glass down to look at Gerard closely. He couldn’t remember ever talking about Gerard to Ray, but it wasn’t totally out of the question, he drank enough to forget plenty of conversations. He honestly only remembered hearing Ray bring up Mikey a handful of times. “Yeah, I don’t know if it has ever come up,” Frank said, and the second the words left his lips a memory flooded into his brain. He was drunk, on the couch. Ray had his hand gently on his thigh. He remembered drunkenly telling Ray about the beautiful man that sat and talked to him at the bar. He told Ray about the way his eyes crinkled when he laughed, the way his hair was always in his face, but he didn’t seem to mind, the way he never seemed to get bored of Frank talking his ear off. This happened more times than Frank could remember. He didn’t realize he was making a face before he heard Gerard’s voice.  


“What is it?” He asked so calmly.  


Frank laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I just remembered it actually did come up a few times, me knowing you.” He smiled, “Ray was talking about his ‘new friend from the game store’ and I told him I think I know his brother.”  


“Did he say anything about me?” Gerard moved nervously in his seat, “I mean, did he say if Mikey said anything… about anything, I might have said?”  


Ray did. He told Frank how Mikey said that Gerard never shut up about Frank. “Not really, just that he had heard about me too.”  


Gerard nodded. “I guess I’ve brought it up once or twice. I’ve gotten used to just spending nights here, and it’s nice to have someone to talk to.”  


The beer in his glass had disappeared faster than he expected and he topped it off for himself again. He raised an eyebrow at Gerard, nodding to the tap. Gerard nodded back and Frank to that to fill another glass for Gerard, but a significantly less shitty beer for him. “This one’s on me,” Frank assured as he handed it over. He took a drink himself before setting it down on the back counter. He picked up the two empty glasses in front of Gerard and started walking them over to the dish bin. His foot immediately began to throb around the cut he had forgotten about while talking to Gerard. He winced but kept making his way to the bin. He waited a moment, squeezing his eyes shut, before turning around and pretending to be fine as he walked back over to Gerard. There was a worried look painted on Gerard’s face.  


“Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.” Gerard stood up. He didn’t quite know why, he had no reason to, and he didn’t know what he was going to do once he was standing. He sat back on his stool.  


“It’s fine,” Frank waved him off, but he pulled over the stool that always sat behind the bar so he could sit down himself.  


Gerard didn’t look convinced, but he let it go for now. He had a cute nose, Frank noticed as he scanned his face. Gerard laughed softly, and Frank couldn’t help but think about how beautiful his smile is.  


“What’s so funny?” Frank raised an eyebrow.  


“I’m kind of like Mikey, in that sense. I’m not really good at making new friends.” He smiled up at Frank.  


The feeling in Frank’s chest was so foreign to him. It felt almost like love, but it was sharper, more painful. He smiled back at Gerard, despite the feeling of despair in the pit of his stomach.  


“I’m really glad I met you.” Gerard placed his hand on top of Frank’s “I think we were meant to meet.” He felt Frank’s hand tense underneath his fingers and he quickly pulled his own hand back. “I’m sorry.” He stuttered.  


Frank was staring down at his hand, he still felt the warmth lingering on his skin. He blinked to clear his mind, which didn’t work, and looked up at Gerard. “No, I’m sorry,” He said, but he didn’t quite know why. He turned to the tap next to him to refill his beer. He leaned back unto the stool taking long drinks from his newly full glass. The foam at the top of the beer spun in lazy circles. Staring into the bubbles he remembered Ray, sitting up waiting for Frank to come home from work, expecting him to be not totally fucked up. He set the glass down and looked up to see Gerard staring into his own glass. The fogginess at the edges of his mind was just enough clouding to not stop him from reaching out and grabbing one of Gerard’s hands with his own.  


Gerard’s head shot up suddenly, but he didn’t pull his hand away. Instead, he rolled his wrist over so his palm was touching Frank’s, resting the back of his hand on the bar.  


“I’m glad we met, too,” Frank said. Gerard’s hand was soft and warm and pretty- if you could call a hand that. He started to wonder what Ray constituted as ‘anything dumb,’ and how much he could drink without getting a stern talking to. That was the thing, Ray never got mad at him, just disappointed, and that was somehow worse. His eyes drifted from their hands up Gerard’s arm, across the dull leather of his jacket, to where the collar of his black button-down created a stark contrast against the pale skin of his neck. It was hard to say, but Frank could not remember ever seeing a person quite as beautiful as the man in front of him, all striking contrasts and delicate features. There was a touch of smudged eyeliner around his eyes, but it only made them brighter. He was so calming to be around, the world seemed to stand still around them, but time was passing nonetheless. Frank didn’t know what to say or what to do. His mind was swimming with so many beer-soaked thoughts that he could not catch onto a single coherent one.  


It was Gerard that did something first. All he did was slide his thumb across the back of Frank’s hand, but it sent a chill down his spine. The goosebumps started at his hand and bloomed up his entire arm.  


“Do you believe in fate?” Gerard asked.  


The question came so suddenly Frank was surprised to hear any sound at all. He had been so caught up in his own mind. He thought for a moment, fighting through cobwebs and confusion. “Sometimes I think so. Some things just seem like they were meant to be. Why do you ask?”  


Gerard scrunched his face up, carefully organizing his words. “I think you were meant to move next door.” He took slow drinks of his beer until the glass was empty. “I think Mikey needed to meet Ray. I think you had to end up here. I think I needed to meet you.” He looked flustered again. He balled up his hand and pulled it away from Frank’s, not because he didn’t want to be holding it anymore, but in frustration against his inability to form a clear thought. “I sat in this bar almost every night for years. I met countless people, but I was so lonely. You, you sat and talked to me and got to know me. I don’t know, I just think I needed you.”  


“I-” Frank didn’t know what to say, he had never had that kind of an impact on anyone before, at least not that he knew of. The most important thing to him was that he felt the same way. He had never met anyone like Gerard before. A person so full of kindness and love that it made everything else fade away. He thought about Ray, coming home with videogames he didn’t even want to play, day after day, because he was becoming friends with the guy who worked at the shop. There was something about Mikey that Ray described, past everything on the surface, there was this deep pain in his eyes. Those eyes must be genetic because Frank saw the same thing when he looked at Gerard. “I think so too. Ray needed someone like Mikey, and I needed to meet you.”  


Frank felt like he had just run a marathon. He hated grappling with his feelings. The pack of cigarettes in his pocket seemed like the only answer at the moment. Within a second he pulled it out of his pocket and held one out to Gerard after he placed his own between his lips. Gerard nodded and took it easily, pulling his own lighter out of his coat. The first puff of smoke in the air seemed to break the tension in the room and the two relaxed into the motion of smoking. If time was ever going to stand still, it was at this moment. They both seemed to stop thinking about anything in particular and just existed. This moment felt so normal and familiar, but Frank could not remember a single time they ever talked about anything that heavy before. Sure, they talked about depression, drinking, smoking, that kind of stuff, but this was feelings. It was so real it was almost surreal.  


Thank you,” Frank finally broke the silence, “For sitting and waiting in this bar for all those years.”  


“I knew there was something I was waiting for.” Gerard gave him a kind smile, and from that point on, all conversation was normal. They spoke about family, TV, music, ambitions, but all talk of fate disappeared like it never happened.


	3. Chapter 3

During the course of the night, a few other people came in, but not many, and they usually didn’t stay for long. Mostly the night was just Frank and Gerard talking, so when Frank looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was a quarter to two, he was shocked. He was tired and buzzed and had all but forgotten the pain coming from his knees. “If it’s okay with you, I think I’m going to close up a bit early.” He said to Gerard, standing up from his stool. He winced but kept going.  


Concern immediately covered Gerard’s face which he quickly tried to hide from Frank. In an attempt to sound blasé he said, “That’s okay. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay here while you close. Your apartment is on the way to where I live, so we can leave together.”  


Frank was a little surprised, but after what happened last night, he was not going to say no. “Yeah, no, that’s totally fine,” Frank replied as he gathered up the glasses shared between the two of them. A lucky side effect of drinking for the past eight hours was that he could barely feel the pain in his foot. He worked through it, wiping down the counters and putting everything back in the cabinets. While he was stacking glasses he glanced up to see Gerard fiddling with the hem of his jacket, calmly waiting for Frank to finish his work. He smiled to himself and moved to count down the register.  


Gerard watched Frank’s hands move as he counted the cash in the drawer. It was strangely calming, the way his hands moved, it seemed so automatic. His favorite thing was the way the tattoos on his arms flexed as his fingers moved. Gerard would never get a tattoo himself, even the thought of a needle that close to him made his stomach tighten, but he still liked the way they looked on other people.  


There was a clatter as the last coin hit the drawer, and Frank gave a triumphant “Done!” as he closed and locked the register. He turned to face Gerard with a smile, “Alright, let's head out.” He grabbed the keys from the counter and came around to join Gerard on the other side.  


As they walked out Frank was hitting off light switches and the pain was beginning to creep its way up through his legs. He held the door open to let Gerard out first so he could take a second to stop before he had to walk all the way to his apartment. His hand shook as he lined up the key to lock the door, but he hoped Gerard would see that as just being buzzed. He bit his lip and turned to start walking.  


Gerard was chewing on his lip, not wanting to fish out a cigarette but still needing to do something with his mouth. He opened his mouth to speak a few times but just would lick his lips and go back to chewing. His mind was a little fuzzy, but he was focused on watching Frank walk and the little grimaces that kept crossing his face. He was about to go to speak again but what he was going to say was lost when Frank tripped.  


“Fuck,” Frank fell forward roughly. He tried to catch his falls with his hands but his weight landed almost entirely on his knees.  


“Frank!” Gerard yelled before he even realized. He was on his knees next to Frank as quickly as he could. Frank had already rolled onto his side and pulled his legs up to his chest. He was hissing out breaths and didn’t even open his eyes to look at Gerard. “Frankie, are you okay? What can I do?”  


The first thing Frank did was check for rips in his jeans, it felt dumb, but he couldn’t ruin his only pair of work pants. Once he established that they were still intact and only a little dirty, he pushed himself up into a sitting position so he could be face to face with Gerard, “Don’t tell Ray, I don’t want him to worry.”  


Gerard nodded, not really sure why he shouldn’t tell Ray, but it was what Frank wanted so he went along with it. “Okay, Okay, let’s get you home.” He helped Frank to his feet and put his arm around Frank’s waist to support him.  


The second he put any weight on his knees he gasped. The pain seemed worse than it should for just bruised and scraped knees. He almost fell over again, but Gerard caught him and kept them moving forward. The next challenge was climbing the stairs up to the apartment building.  


Frank wanted so badly to just go in himself and pretend he was fine, but as stubborn as he was, even he had to admit that he didn’t think he could make it. With his left hand, he braced himself against the railing, Gerard was basically holding most of his weight. It took longer than it ever should have for them to climb the steps to the front door, and even longer to get up to the second floor once they were inside. Frank stopped to lean against the wall and catch his breath as soon as they made it to the top of the stairs. “Mine’s this one,” Frank gestured to the door next to him, “I’ve got it from here, thanks, man.”  


Gerard didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to disregard what Frank wanted and be rude, but for his own peace of mind, he wanted to make sure Frank made it safely to bed. He wrung his hands together and tried to come up with any excuse for wanting to come inside with him, but his mind was shooting blanks.  


Finally, Frank said with a dry laugh, “You’re not gonna leave until you know I’m fine, are you?”  


Gerard gave him a sad smile, “I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight if I just left you now.”  


As much as Frank wanted Ray to think he was totally fine, he also didn’t want to be a complete jerk to the guy that helped him all the way back home. “Alright,” He gave in and pushed away from the wall. At the very least, he was going to make this last walk on his own. He opened the door to the low sound of the TV.  


Ray looked over the back of the couch as soon as he heard the door open, “Hey, man, how was-” He cut himself short as soon as he saw Gerard, a stranger to him, enter behind Frank. “Uh, hi?”  


“Work was fine,” Frank knew what Ray was going to ask him without him having to finish the sentence, “This is Gerard, Mikey’s older brother.”  


Ray nodded but still looked confused as to why he was with Frank. “Is everything okay?”  


“Yeah,” Frank gave Ray a thumbs up and slowly started heading down the hallway, “I’ll be right back, gotta piss.”  


The second Gerard heard the door to the bathroom shut behind Frank he turned to Ray. “He fell, when we were walking back, and he said not to tell you, but I was worried about him, he seemed to be in a lot of pain all night.” He didn’t know what to do with himself, so he just stood there awkwardly waiting for Frank to come back out.  


They both heard the door open and Ray was up and standing next to Frank as soon as he entered the living room. “God, sometimes it’s like you are allergic to taking care of yourself. You fell? Again?” Frank shot Gerard a hurt look, but before he could say anything Ray continued, “Are you drunk?”  


Gerard suddenly felt like he had to say something since he already told on Frank to Ray. He took a few steps forward so he could put his hand on Frank’s shoulder. “He’s not drunk, I can assure you. I was there the whole night and he didn’t drink that much.”  


Frank gave a weak smile to Gerard and he felt a little better, but he couldn’t help but notice how pale Frank looked.  


Ray wasn’t even paying attention to them anymore, he was kneeling on the ground in front of Frank pulling at the fabric around his knees. “Pull down your pants.” He said without even looking up.  


“What?” Frank tried to pull back but the pain caused him to just stumble backwards against the wall. Gerard was able to mostly catch him and get him stable again and Frank pressed his other hand into Ray’s shoulder.  


As he got back to his feet Ray turned to face Gerard, “Can you help me get him to the couch?” Gerard nodded and reached his arm around Frank’s waist as Ray did the same on the other side.  


“You guys don’t have to act like I’m not here. I can still hear you.” Frank rolled his eyes but let Gerard and Ray take him over to the couch. At this point, he knew that he had to just let Ray do his thing, and there was no fighting him on anything once he set his mind to it. He let Ray lay him down on the couch and only protested a bit when Ray told him to take off his pants again. He just didn’t have it in him right now to fight Ray on it.  


Gerard awkwardly turned around as Frank wrestled his jeans down to his ankles, but he couldn’t help but turn back around when he heard Ray gasp and swear under his breath. “What is it?” He looked over the back of the couch to see what Ray was looking at.  


The skin around his knees was bright red, bruised, and puffy. The scrapes, somehow, looked dramatically worse than they did earlier that day, with a sick amount of pus coming from the deepest cuts. Everything looked red and irritated, and the worst part, to Gerard, was the way everything looked so shiny and bloody. He had to take a step back away from the couch. If he kept looking he thought he might pass out. He was just trying to concentrate on his breathing when he heard Ray say something to him.  


“Gerard,” Ray said for the second time, “Can you go to the bathroom and get some stuff for me? There’s a first-aid kit under the sink and a stack of towels in the closet. Get one towel wet and bring another dry one.”  


Gerard left the room quickly, nervously rubbing the palms of his hands against his pants. He looked in every door because he didn’t know which room was the bathroom. The first room was dark, but he could see posters, a messy bed, and clothing littered across the floor and figured it was Frank’s room. He nervously pushed open the next door and switched on the light after seeing the light from a window reflected off a mirror. The room was organized and clean so he had no problem finding the things Ray sent him for. He made a point to grab dark towels with the hope that blood wouldn’t stain them too badly. He unfolded the smaller of the two towels and held it under the sink, letting the water turn the burgundy towel nearly black. He shut off the tap and wrung out the extra water so it wouldn’t drip and make a mess in the hallway. As an afterthought, he grabbed the bottle of soap from the sink and made his way back to the living room. As he walked down the hallway he could hear Ray talking to Frank.  


“It looks infected, man.” Ray sounded nervous, “Like really bad. What the hell happened? It wasn’t nearly this bad this morning.”  


Hearing that made Gerard even more nervous, but he didn’t want that to show. He took a deep breath and rounded the corner into the living room to give Ray the supplies he found. There was an empty spot on the coffee table so he set the first-aid kit and the dry towel down there, but handed the wet towel to Ray along with the bottle of hand soap he took off of the edge of the sink, “I grabbed the soap too. I didn’t know if it would help or not but it seemed like a good idea.” Once Ray had taken the towel and soap from him, he didn’t know what to do with his hands so he stuck them in his pockets and a few seconds later took them back out.  


“Thanks, man,” Ray looked up at Gerard, then quickly to face Frank, “This is gonna hurt a little.” That was all the warning he gave before he pumped some soap on the towel and started rubbing it against the knee closest to him, the one Gerard thought looked worse.  


Frank’s toes curled under and Gerard could see his jaw clench and eyes squeeze shut. Gerard came around the other side of the coffee table so he was next to Frank’s head. He felt weird just standing and staring down so he lowered himself to the floor and sat cross-legged facing Frank. The only sounds in the room were Frank’s ragged breathing and the harsh sound of a rough towel against flesh. Looking down at Frank’s legs was making Gerard sick, so he made a point to study the way Frank’s eyelashes flutter and the way his face scrunched up as Ray worked. He wasn’t really sure what to do, he cared about Frank, but he also didn’t know him that well and didn’t know Ray at all, other than what he had heard from his brother. This was an unfamiliar house too, which made him more uneasy than he’d like to admit. On top of all that, he really did want to help, he just wasn’t sure how. His thoughts were cut short by Frank reaching his hand over the edge of the couch and feeling around until he was able to fully grab onto Gerard’s hand. As uneasy as he was about the situation, he felt like this is the most he could do for Frank at that moment. He squeezed Frank’s hand tight and breathed a sigh of relief when he felt Frank squeeze back.  


The plastic click of the first-aid kit opening caused Frank to open his eyes and see what was happening. He watched as Ray dug out antibacterial cream and this weird bottle of anti-inflammatory spray. Frank figured he was organizing it in the order he was going to use it because he was taking stuff out and then rearranging the line up on the coffee table. He had also pulled out cotton balls, gauze, medical tape, and worst of all, rubbing alcohol. Of course, the first thing Ray picked up to use was the rubbing alcohol, Frank knew why, it was to clean everything out, but the thought of it anywhere near the open cuts on his knees made his skin crawl. He stole a look over at Gerard who was intently looking at Frank’s hand being held by his own hands. He could tell the blood and cuts made Gerard a little squeamish, especially with the way he was avoiding looking up at all.  


“Ready?” Ray asked, an alcohol soaked cotton ball poised above Frank’s legs.  


“Yeah, go for it,” Frank nodded. His voice was strained and uneasy. He closed his eyes again and bit down on his lip in preparation. Right before he felt the sting of the alcohol he felt Gerard squeeze his hand extra and rest his forehead against Frank’s shoulder. To say it hurt like a bitch would be an understatement. He could tell he was digging his fingernails into Gerard’s hand, but he just couldn’t seem to get himself to stop.  


After what felt like hours, Ray set down the alcohol. There was a small pile of bloody cotton balls, and Ray didn’t like working around messes, so he gathered them up and moved towards the kitchen trash.  


Frank slowly opened his eyes to check on the situation. He swore his knee looked like Ray scrubbed all the skin right off, they were so red, but they did look cleaner. The feeling of pressure on his shoulder surprised him as he had honestly forgotten Gerard was resting his head there. His hair was soft and messy, and Frank thought it smelled a little like lavender, which was oddly calming.  


Ray settled back on the floor next to the couch and brushed his hair out of his face with one hand. The anti-inflammatory spray covered the red skin with a thin, white foam that fizzled out quickly. Frank thought it actually felt really nice and dulled the pain quite a bit, but the actual best part was the antibacterial cream. It was some organic shit that Ray liked, all natural herbs and creams and shit. The way it felt on his hot skin was the way mint tasted. Before he could stop it, a sound escaped his mouth that was somewhere between a sigh and a moan.  


Ray smirked up at Frank, barely holding in a laugh, and for a second, it made them both feel a bit more at ease. He carefully smoothed down a pad of gauze on each knee and taped them into place. With a deep breath, Ray finally stood up to indicate he was done working. The clock read nearly 3 am, and Ray was completely exhausted from staying up this late. He made quick work of cleaning everything up and putting it all back in the bathroom. He came back to the living room one last time and gave Frank a once over and said, “Alright, I’m going to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow,” and quickly left the room before Frank could ask him exactly what they would be talking about.  


Frank had to admit that he was exhausted too, after working all night and then dealing with everything since then, he just wanted to sleep. The smell of lavender was only helping in lulling him to sleep. He looked down at his hand between Gerard’s and squeezed twice to get his attention. When he didn’t get a response, Frank figured he must have fallen asleep. It felt weird, just going to sleep right there, still holding hands, but he didn’t have the heart to wake him up and make him walk home after everything. So instead of doing anything, he let the smell of lavender and mint draw him to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When Frank woke up the next morning, the pain was still there, but not nearly as bad. He knew Ray had already left for work because their air smelled of buttered toast and coffee. He opened his eyes slowly against the sun coming through the windows. Underneath the usual scent of Ray getting ready in the morning, there was something softer, sweeter: lavender. He gently moved his fingers and felt then still entwined in the hand of another person. Frank looked down at Gerard sleeping peacefully on the floor next to the couch. Sometime in the night, Ray must have woken up, because there was a blanket on top of Frank and another on top of Gerard, and there was a pillow for him too. He smiled to himself, sometimes Ray was the best roommate he could ever ask for. Frank dug his free hand out from under the blanket and pushed it out of the way so he could see his legs with a much clearer head than he had last night. His pants were still down at his ankles, he made a mental note to pull them up before he fell back asleep. The gauze covering the cuts wasn’t soaked with blood, so he took that as a good sign. Ray’s words about just leaving stuff alone echoed through his head, but he couldn’t help himself. He gently peeled back a corner of the gauze to survey the damage.  


The scrapes were now covered in scabs, propper scabs, not the gross pus-filled kind he had last night. Mostly, he was just glad it didn’t string anymore, it was more of a dull ache, but even then it was better than it had been yesterday morning. The way the skin around the scabs seemed to cling to the dried blood always interested him. It made that portion of flesh all tight and shiny. Bruises intrigued him too, and there was currently no shortage of raised areas of purple, yellow, and red skin. He gently pushed down on a particularly dark bruise, watching as the skin changed color around his fingertip. It caused such a different pain, poking the bruise, and it was almost comforting that the same injury could cause such contrasting sensations.  


Frank glanced down at Gerard now, he wanted to finally get his pants back on, if only to not make Gerard uncomfortable when he finally woke up. Using his free hand, he carefully shimmied the legs of his jeans back over his thighs and hips, struggling the most with buttoning using only one hand. He carefully pulled the blanket back over his shoulders and was about to close his eyes when he heard Gerard make the smallest noise in his sleep.  


It was almost a sigh, but it sounded distinctly happy. Frank didn’t move, trying his best not to wake Gerard up and have him think Frank was just staring at him while he slept. After a few moments, when Frank was sure Gerard was still asleep, he allowed himself to close his own eyes, and join him.  


It wouldn’t last long. The amount of time that passed was probably only an hour at most, but this time it was Gerard that woke up first. It took him a moment to realize where he was. He didn’t exactly enjoy waking up in a strange place on the floor. It was the hand he was holding that he recognized first. Something about the tattoos on his wrist and the way the muscles on the back of his hand were defined made it instantly recognizable to him. It was the warmth, though, and the way Frank’s skin felt so soft against his face that made the anxiety he was having dissipate. He heard Frank groan above him and figured that signified he was awake.  


“Frank,” Gerard said quietly, “Frankie, are you okay?”  


Frank smiled to himself at the use of a nickname before leaning over the edge of the couch to look down at Gerard. His eyes were soft and puffy from sleep. “I’m okay, not in too much pain.”  


Gerard nodded before looking sheepishly back down at his hands still wrapped around Frank’s, “I’m sorry I fell asleep here.”  


“It’s fine,” Frank brushed off the concern, “I wasn’t going to send you home after everything anyway.” He moved to sit up and Gerard moved his legs out of the way of Frank’s path, “You want some coffee?”  


Gerard nodded again. He was a little perplexed. Last night he watched Frank barely be able to walk home, completely overwhelmed with pain, and now he was getting up and moving around the kitchen as if nothing had happened. He didn’t know what else to do so he stood up and followed in the direction he watched Frank go. Watching Frank go through the motions of making coffee reminded Gerard an awful lot of watching him at work behind the bar. Gerard noticed he seemed to have a method of doing everything, the way he chose and grabbed the mugs, the way he poured the coffee, and the exact amount of sugar he put in each cup.  


Frank was a little surprised to turn around and see Gerard watching him in the kitchen, he hadn’t heard footsteps. Oh, hey,” He said and held up a mug with a skeleton on it out to Gerard.  


He took it quickly with a quiet “thanks,” and sat across the table from where Frank had pulled out his own chair. Gerard took a sip and thought, for sure, this was the best coffee he had ever tasted. For a moment he wondered if Frank was magic, he always made the best drinks at the bar, too.  


“Thank you,” Frank said quietly after sipping on his coffee for a few minutes, “For last night. I don’t know if I would have made it back by myself. I honestly can’t thank you enough, I don’t know what happened.” That was kind of a lie, he did know what happened, at least sort of. The cuts must have already gotten infected which caused swelling and probably a low-grade fever. If Ray wouldn’t have done what he did last night, it probably would have only gotten worse. Part of that, though, he had to attribute to Gerard telling Ray he fell again, if he hadn’t, Frank would have just let it get worse. Self-preservation wasn’t exactly a strong suit of his.  


Gerard looked up from his coffee and smiled, “I’m really glad you’re okay.”  


“What I don’t understand,” Frank started again, “Is how you knew to stay. You’ve never done that before, so what was it?”  


“I don’t know,” Gerard looked back down into his coffee, “Something felt off, I just wanted to be safe.” What he didn’t say was how much he noticed Frank struggling to walk throughout the night, all the little grimaces and winces, all the small groans when he stepped wrong, and the way Frank’s hands were aggressively shaking. He knew Frank was trying to hide the pain, he knew Frank was trying to be strong, and he didn’t want to let Frank know that he saw right through it. Every time he looked up at Frank, he just saw this immense amount of pain. It was something Gerard was honestly used to at this point, there was always pain behind his eyes, but it was different last night.  


“It was nice,” Frank muttered quietly, almost as if he wasn’t actually sure if he wanted to say it.  


“What?” Gerard looked up from his coffee.  


“It was nice,” Frank repeated, louder this time, “Having you stay while I closed, and having someone to walk back with. I know it’s not far, but I always get a bad feeling from the alley, and at night it’s even worse.” He thought about the red he saw staining the walls, and the sick feeling he gets every time he passes between the two buildings.  


Gerard made a face Frank couldn’t quite place, but quickly recomposed himself. “It’s no problem. I’m sorry I never thought to do it before.”  


“Why would you have?” Frank asked with a soft laugh.  


Gerard took a sip of his coffee, using the time to think about his answer. He hated that alley, too. He hated having to walk past it every night when he walked home, to the point he usually crossed the street to avoid it. That alley is the reason he drinks alone every night. Mikey used to sit with him, but he wouldn’t even come within a block of that place, the memories were too bad for him. Most of all, Gerard hated that anyone he cared about ever had to walk past there alone, because if he hadn’t decided to stay home that night, if he had been with Mikey, Gerard could have protected him. Mikey wouldn’t have had to go through that. Mikey wouldn’t be different. Now he was mad at himself for worrying so much about his own walk every night that he didn’t even think about Frank.  


Suddenly, Gerard realized his cup was empty, and he had to say something. He took a few more moments to set his mug down before finally saying, “I just know some bad shit has happened in that back alley, that’s all.” He tried his best to sound unfazed. Deep down, Gerard knew it wasn’t right to lie, but he also didn’t really know how to tell the truth about the situation. Every time he thought about what happened to Mikey he would get caught up in all the things he could have done that would change what happened. It was an endless cycle of “what ifs” and regrets that he would never be able to get out of. Often, he would just have to accept that he was glad Mikey was still alive, and know that Mikey didn’t blame him at all. He knew he had been sitting quietly for a while, staring nervously into his empty coffee cup as if it held the answers to all his questions.  


“Well,” Frank stood up and crossed the kitchen to get the coffee pot and bring it back to the table. He filled up his own mug first, then held it out for Gerard and he nodded in return. Frank just set down the pot on the table, obviously not worried about how hot it was. “I don’t work tonight, so you don’t have to worry about me.”  


“That’s good, you need the rest. I think…” Gerard trailed off when he heard his cell phone ring from the living room. “Shit.”  


Gerard quickly stood up and hastily made his way to the other room. He dug his phone out from under the pillow and flipped it open, quickly glancing at the name before accepting the call and bringing the phone to his ear. “Mikey? Hi.” He sat down on the couch as soon as he heard his brother’s voice come through the line.  


“Gerard, what the hell? Where are you?” Mikey sounded nervous.  


“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was at the bar and Frank…” He weighed his next words. “I waited to walk back with Frank because something just felt off, and I fell asleep at his apartment.”  


Gerard heard a sigh come through the phone before Mikey asked, “Is everything okay?”  


“Yeah, he had these cuts that were infected, but his roommate, Ray, you know Ray, he’s really good at taking care of shit. I passed out without meaning to, it was late, and a lot happened, and I was just exhausted.” Gerard took a deep breath. “Are you at work?”  


“Yes, it’s Monday, I’m at work.” Mikey paused. “No one is here right now, it’s just me. Could you just, swing by on your way home?”  


“I can do that.” Gerard nodded, even though he knew Mikey couldn’t see him. “I’ll see you soon.”  


“You too.” Mikey hung up.  


Gerard flipped his phone shut and sat alone for a moment. In worrying about Frank, he left Mikey home, alone, all night for the first time since the… incident. He felt dirty suddenly. What if something would have happened? What if Gerard had failed to protect him, again? He held his face in his hands, struggling to not let his mind spiral into guilt. “Mikey is fine,” He reassured himself quietly, “I did the right thing.”  


Gerard looked up in time to see Frank coming slowly into the living room, his coffee cup held tightly with both hands. He silently cursed himself, hoping Frank hadn’t heard him talking to himself. If Frank had, he made no indication of such. Instead, he just sat down on the couch next to Gerard.  


Frank waited a few moments before he finally decided to speak. “Is everything okay, with Mikey? I wasn’t listening, I promise, I just heard you say ‘Mikey.’”  


“He’s fine, he just wanted to know where I was and why I didn’t come home last night.” Gerard waved his hand, hoping to come off as calm and blase, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “I think I should head back to my apartment though, and I think you should get some rest.”  


“Alright,” Frank nodded.  


Gerard stood up and collected his keys and wallet off the coffee table, and carefully picked up the bedding off the floor and set it on the couch next to the blanket and pillow Frank had used. As he was putting his jacket back on, he spun back to face Frank. “Uh, I want you to have my phone number, that way you can call me if you need anything.”  


At first, Frank just sat there, but he soon realized Gerard didn’t have anything to write with or on. He shot up and went back into the kitchen to grab a pen and an old receipt. He gave them both to Gerard who quickly scribbled down a series of numbers and handed everything back to Frank. “Thanks, I’ll text you so you have my number too. Just in case.” At that, Frank gave a little wave to Gerard and said a quick “Bye.”  


“See ya,” Gerard returned just before he shut the door behind him. He could hear the lock click in place behind him, and at the very least, he knew Frank was safe.  


He made his way down the stairs and towards the front door, he was surprised how different the inside of this place looked in the daylight. It was dreary, to say the least, the walls were a dull beige, offset by large wooden doors and brass numbers. He turned the knob and stepped outside, squinting from the sudden brightness of the daylight. The walk to Mikey’s job was short, only a few blocks and across the street. Gerard took one nervous look back at the alleyway before crossing the street and beginning his walk.  


His hand met the pack of cigarettes in his pocket and he quickly pulled one out and held it between his lips as he pulled the lighter out of his other pocket. Realistically, he knew this wasn’t the best habit, but after the night he had, he figured that excused it. He only stopped walking for a moment to light the cigarette. He felt a little bad for just how little time he ever spent outside, he had to admit, the birds singing was rather calming. He decided to focus on that because if he let his thoughts wander he’d start to imagine all the bad things that could have happened to Mikey last night and all the bad things that could happen to Frank tonight. The common factor always being him not being present. Without meaning to, he began to walk faster, wanting to get to Mikey as fast as possible. The only way to keep him safe was to be there.  


It didn’t take long for him to reach the game store. He stomped out his cigarette butt and pulled open the door, being met immediately with the smell of old comic books. The store was split in half, video games on one side, comic books on the other, and in the middle, against the back wall, his brother standing behind a register.  


Gerard breathed a sigh of relief he didn’t realize he was holding in. He quickly made his way to the back counter, on his way asking, “Are you okay?”  


Mikey lowered his eyebrows, squinting at Gerard through his glasses. “Am I okay? Of course, I’m okay, I was at home last night. I should be the one asking if you’re okay. You were the one that didn’t come home.”  


“I-” Gerard stopped. He didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t even thought about that. Mikey was right. “I’m sorry.”  


“You don’t have to be sorry, I just wanted to know if you were safe.” Mikey shook his head. “So what happened?”  


“I was at the bar, for most of the night it was just Frank and I there, and I noticed something was off. He was having trouble walking, he looked like he was in pain. I know he’s tripped on the stairs to his apartment before, so I got worried. I decided I should wait there, just to make sure he made it home, but he fell again, on the walk home, and it was really bad, and he was laying there right in front of the alley…” Gerard paused to gather his thoughts. “I got him back inside, and I told Ray that he fell, so he made Frank let him look at it, and it was really bad. It looked infected and it was swollen and bruised, and every time Ray did anything there was so much blood, and it wouldn’t stop bleeding, and-”  


“Stop.” Mikey cut him off.  


Gerard looked up at his brother, both his hands were pressed unto the counter, his eyes were squeezed shut, and his already pale skin somehow was even more flushed. “I’m sorry,” Gerard said quietly.  


“It’s okay.” Mikey looked up at him, the calm look of boredom returning to his face. “I just wanted to know that nothing happened to you as you were leaving that bar and to let you know, someone is coming over tonight, so just be prepared for… that.”  


Gerard grimaced but didn’t say anything about it, instead, he asked, “I’ll see you at home?”  


Mikey nodded.  


As Gerard was making his way to the door to head home, he stopped midway and turned back to face Mikey again. “I met Ray, and I know the circumstances were weird, but he seems like a really nice guy. I’m glad you’re friends.” He turned back and continued his way to the door. Right as he pushed the door open, he could just make out Mikey saying, “Me too.”  


Gerard smiled to himself and began his short walk home.


	5. Chapter 5

As soon as Gerard left, Frank decided the best course of action was to just go back to bed. He developed a crook in his neck from sleeping on the couch, and he hadn’t slept all that well anyway, waking up every hour or so from either pain or feeling Gerard move against his hand. He hadn’t minded too much though, in a way, it was just nice to feel so close to anyone, it was the first time he felt truly safe in a pretty long time. Frank even had to admit, every time he woke up, he looked over the edge of the couch to see if Gerard was still there, and if he was still gently holding Frank’s hand. Just the thought of Gerard’s breath brushing over the back of his hand made Frank feel warm and safe. He smiled to himself as he made his way to his room. His ripped work jeans from yesterday were still on the floor, and he breathed a sigh of relief that the pants he was wearing currently hadn’t ripped last night during the whole incident. He began to slide out of his jeans as soon as he saw that they were completely intact, leaving them in a crumpled pile on the floor. He considered putting on sweatpants, but at this point, he had completely given up caring and slid into bed in just his boxers and a T-Shirt.  


He didn’t mean to sleep as long as he did, but he didn’t wake up until he heard Ray calling his name, announcing himself home from work. Frank rolled off his bed and pulled on a pair of jeans from his dresser, another pair of old work jeans that over time developed holes in the knees. He was about to make his way into the living room, but the knowledge of how long he had been wearing that shirt made him turn around and grab a clean band shirt from his dresser. Ray was already sitting on the couch flipping through TV channels when Frank finally made it out of his room.  


“How’re the knees?” Ray asked without even looking up at Frank.  


Frank looked down at his own legs. The holes in his jeans were creating little windows to look at the gauzed taped to his skin behind them. “I mean, I’m walking fine. So that’s something.” He shrugged as he sat down next to Ray on the couch.  


Ray turned to look at Frank, “and your foot?”  


Frank had to admit, he actually kind of forgot about it in the chaos of last night. He lifted his foot into his lap to examine the puffy red skin. It looked painful, but definitely not infected. “Looks fine to me.” He lowered his foot back to the ground before Ray could look over and give his own opinion. Frank settled into staring blankly at the TV as Ray continued to scroll aimlessly through the channels. This was how they spent a lot of their evenings together, which was really calming to Frank since he wasn’t always in the headspace to make conversation, and Ray understood that. Just being around someone was nice, he had spent so many years feeling alone, it was just nice to feel at peace in a shared space. Frank didn’t much care what was on the TV either, the more mindless it was, the easier it was to just zone out for hours on end, that’s why whenever Frank got a hold of the remote, it usually ended up on some type of cartoon. Ray, on the other hand, actually liked to get stuff out of the content he consumed, but his short attention span made him change the channel every few minutes.  


Tonight, they probably spent close to 4 hours like this, just sitting on the couch, complacent in just silent company. Frank took occasional smoke breaks, today making sure to actually put shoes on when he wandered outside and specifically going to the side of the building that was opposite that shitty alley. It was just past 9 when Frank’s phone that had been laying on the coffee table began to ring, something it had done so seldom in the past few years it startled him. He and Ray stared at it for a few seconds in confusion before he snapped out of the shock and picked it up off the table. He stood and began making his way to the hallway as he flipped the phone open and answered with a tentative, “Hello?”  


It was Gerard’s voice nervously coming through the other line, shaking as he said “Frank? It’s Gerard.”  


Frank immediately turned from confused to scared. “Yeah, this is Frank, what’s going on?”  


He heard Gerard blow out a shaky breath before saying, “Something happened… to Mikey. He’s not doing super well, and I can’t explain right now, but can you come over? Fast? I’ll explain when you get here.” There was the sound of muffled voices coming through the phone before Gerard’s voice came back on the line. “Mikey said if Ray is there, to bring him too.”  


Frank glanced over at Ray, who had muted the TV and was watching him nervously from the couch. “Yeah, I’ll be right there. Where do you live?”  


There was murmuring on the other line again before Gerard said, “Mikey says Ray knows. Come fast, please.” Gerard was pleading at this point.  


“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Frank hung up the phone and looked up at Ray, who was waiting expectantly. “Something happened to Mikey, Gerard asked if we can come over, fast. He said you know where they live.”  


Ray nodded. He was already standing and moving to put his shoes on, Frank did the same. As they were headed out the door, Ray finally asked, “Did he say what’s wrong?” He was jingling his car keys in his hand. It was only a few blocks away, but Frank was insistent on getting there as fast as possible.  


“He said he couldn’t explain now, and he would when we got there. He sounded really shaken up, I’m worried.” Frank explained as they made their way to Ray’s car. It was parked on a side street just behind the apartment building, and they reached it pretty quickly. Frank was nervously flipping the lighter in his pocket the whole drive there. He was surprised to see how well Ray knew the way to Mikey and Gerard’s apartment, and he started to wonder how many times Ray had been there while Gerard was at the bar with Frank. They pulled up only about five minutes after Frank ended the call with Gerard, but it felt much longer. He couldn’t help imagining all the terrible things that could have caused Gerard to call him in such a panic, and how many bad things could have happened in the time it took him and Ray to get there. They both got out of the car as soon as Ray pulled out the key, and Frank followed Ray into the building they were in front of.  


“It’s number 17,” Ray muttered as they entered the building and began climbing the stairs just inside the entrance.  


Frank began to wonder how little he actually knew about Ray and Mikey’s friendship, but all thoughts other than worry slipped from his mind as they reached the door to apartment 17.  


Ray stepped to the side, letting Frank in front of him to knock on the door. He was nervous and shaking, but he didn’t have time to hesitate as he made three loud thuds against the wood of the door. A few moments later he heard Gerard’s voice nervously ask, “Frank?”  


“Yeah, it’s me and Ray,” Frank responded, and the door immediately opened. The first thing Frank noticed was how pale Gerard looked, the second was the amount of blood that was currently on his hands.  


“Come in.” He said as if the urgency on his face wasn’t enough of an invite. “Mikey is in his room, it’s that way.” Gerard waved his hand down the hallway, and Ray was already half jogging in that direction. Frank and Gerard quickly followed him.  


“What the fuck happened?” Escaped Frank’s mouth the second he saw Mikey. This was a really strange way for them to meet, Frank thought. He looked at Mikey, thin and pale, resembling Gerard, but more angular, and distinctly covered in blood.  


“You’re going to have to become cool with a lot of stuff real fast,” Gerard said behind Frank, sliding in the doorway to stand at the foot of Mikey’s bed.  


Before Gerard could continue, Frank almost shouted, “Why didn’t you call 911? We need to get him to the hospital!”  


Gerard and Mikey both yelled back “No!” before Frank could even begin to pull out his phone to do it himself.  


“Mikey’s not… human.” Gerard continued quietly.  


“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Frank ran a hand over his face and through his hair.  


“Someone fucking stabbed him for it, I don’t think I’m kidding.” Gerard looked dead serious.  


“Then what is he?” Frank asked.  


Ray was moving closer to Mikey, ignoring the conversation taking place behind him and trying to inspect the source of the blood.  


“You’re gonna think I’m joking.” Gerard shook his head, but he knew if he was gonna help Mikey he had to say it. “He’s a vampire.”  


Frank had to stop himself from sputtering, “Gee, vampires aren’t fucking real.”  


Gerard set his jaw and took a step towards Frank. “Frank. I’m not joking, and you can say whatever the hell you want right now, but you’re going to have to believe me in a few minutes.” He turned away from Frank, not even giving him a chance to respond. He looked at Ray standing over Mikey, moving his clothes around to get a better look at the stab wound.  


“Ray,” Gerard said, getting his attention away from Mikey. “Mikey wanted you here, do you know why.”  


Ray looked at Frank, who was staring wide-eyed at him, begging Ray to side with him and say this was crazy. He didn’t, instead, he turned back to Gerard and calmly said “Because he told me, a while ago… I’ve done this for him before.”  


Frank let out a noise he didn’t mean to, and everyone in the room turned to look at him. He really felt like he knew nothing about Ray at this moment, and he felt like he didn’t know Gerard either. “I’m sorry, this is all just a lot to take in.” He sat down on the floor, leaning against the dresser. His head was starting to spin and he thought he would pass out if he kept standing. “I feel like I’m the only one here that’s completely in the dark.”  


Gerard nodded to himself, loosening the tension in his jaw. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, I just didn’t think you’d believe me. It’s not important right now, saving Mikey is.” He turned back to Ray. “Are you able to help him now?”  


Ray looked back down at Mikey. “We have to stitch this shut first. Do you have anything I can use?”  


“I have a sewing kit in my drawer,” Mikey said through clenched teeth.  


Ray quickly began digging through the side table until he pulled out a small plastic container. “This’ll have to do,” Ray muttered to himself and began threading the needle.  


As soon as Gerard really took in what was about to happen, he sat down at the end of the bed, put a had on Mikey’s leg, and closed his eyes. The blood didn’t bother him, watching someone sew a hole in his brother’s flesh shut did.  


Ray worked quickly, trying to be as careful as possible, he knew how much pain he was putting Mikey through, but he had to do it. He could see the pain in Mikey’s eyes, and he knew it was nothing compared to the pain of being stabbed, but he hated that he was the one causing it. It didn’t take him long to get the wound stitched shut, as hard as it was to see it through all the blood. “Done,” Ray said quietly.  


Gerard stood up then, knowing what was coming next. He moved to the other side of the room and sat down on the floor with Frank. He reached out for one of Frank’s hands, and Frank easily let Gerard hold it against his chest. Frank knew Gerard needed all the comfort he could get right now, and he was happy to provide it.  


Mikey opened his eyes to look up at Ray, the pain seeping away and leaving tired drowsiness in its place. He slid over in the bed weakly, leaving room for Ray next to him. Ray climbed up into the bed with him, gently adjusting Mikey until his head was resting on Ray’s chest. He could see so clearly how weak Mikey was right now, and all he could focus on was helping him.  


“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Mikey asked quietly. He felt bad asking this of a friend, if he was honest, his only friend. He never wanted this, he was forced into this life, and he already felt like a burden on his brother.  


“Yes, Mikey, this is my own choice.” Ray moved his arm up to Mikey’s mouth.  


“Ready?” Mikey asked, lips gently brushing against the skin of Ray’s wrist.  


“Yeah,” Ray responded, quickly squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his jaw in preparation for what was coming next. He felt the pain a second before he felt the cold rush of blood leaving his body.  


Frank couldn’t stop watching. He knew how caring Ray was, but this was pure selflessness. He felt Gerard squeeze his hand a little tighter, and he turned to look at him. Gerard had his eyes closed, obviously made uncomfortable by the situation, and in a moment, Frank understood. Gerard blamed himself. Frank wasn’t exactly sure what happened in the alley, but he knew now that it led to this, and Gerard blamed himself for not being there to protect his brother. He hated that Mikey had to live this way, because of something he believed was his fault. If he wasn’t still in shock right now, he might try to say something, but after everything, he was at a complete loss for words. He just sat silent, watching Mikey’s head rise and fall with Ray’s breathing.  


Gerard finally opened his eyes to look at his brother. He could see that the color was returning to Mikey’s face, which started to make him feel less worried. He usually hated being anywhere nearby when… this was happening, but he was so exhausted at this point that he couldn’t bring himself to leave. He just wanted to know that his brother was okay. For now, he rested his head on Frank’s shoulder and closed his eyes again.  


Frank rested his head on top of Gerard’s and closed his eyes too. They sat quietly together, eyes closed, Gerard holding Frank’s hand a little tighter than before.  


Ray didn’t know how long it had been, but after a while, he felt Mikey squeeze his hand and moved his head back from Ray’s arm. Ray blinked his eyes open and finally released the tension in his jaw. He looked down at Mikey, clearly wearing a look of guilt as he looked back up at Ray. He felt weak from the loss of blood, but he knew Mikey was okay, and to him, that’s what was important.  


Mikey sat up. “Gee,” He said quietly, getting his brother's attention, “I need a shower, can you help me to the bathroom.”  


Gerard nodded and stood up, giving Frank’s hand one last squeeze before he made his way to the bed and helped Mikey to stand up. Frank watched as he wrapped his arm around his brother’s waist and it brought back the memories of Gerard doing the same for him last night.  


A few minutes after Gerard left the room with Mikey, he came back alone with washed hands and wearing a clean shirt. “Mikey’s going to be okay, he’s taking a shower now.” Gerard sighed, scruffing up his hair in frustration. “Ray, are you good?” Gerard had a new look of concern on his face.  


Ray groaned softly and opened his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll be fine, I just need a nap.”  


Gerard nodded and walked over to Ray, “here, take this,” and handed him two band-aids for his arm.  


Ray stuck the band-aids over the worst of the bite marks and gave a soft, “thank you,” in the general direction of Gerard.  


Gerard held out a hand to Frank and he gladly took and got himself off the ground. They both knew it was best to leave both Ray and Mikey be for a bit so they could rest, so they made their way to the living room. They both sat in silence for a few minutes, just the far off sound of the shower running as background noise.  


“What happened tonight?” Frank turned to Gerard, who had just been blankly staring at the wall.  


Gerard sighed and turned to face Frank. “He had someone over, to, you know… It’s like, a fetish for some people so it’s not hard to find. This person though, they seek out people like Mikey to hurt them. I was in my room, and I heard Mikey scream. I’ve never heard him scream like that. I ran in, and this guy had stabbed him, and I pulled him off Mikey.” Gerard closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was quiet when he started talking again. “I took the knife. I cut his hand, I think… He ran out after that.” He paused again. “The knife is under my bed, I didn’t want to look at it.”  


Frank didn’t know what else to do but pull Gerard into a hug, holding him as tightly against his chest as he could. He felt Gerard shaking against him, his face pressed into the crook of Frank’s neck.  


Mikey came into the room not long after that, just a towel wrapped around his hips. The wound on his stomach was already healing, the most stand out thing being the black thread holding it closed, everything else made it look like it was already a week or so old. “Thanks,” Mikey said, catching Gerard’s attention. “Both of you, for everything. I’m going to go check on Ray and then I’ll probably just go to sleep.”  


“I’m really glad you’re okay.” Was all Gerard could say, anything more and he’d probably start crying.  


Mikey nodded and went back to his room. He quickly put on pajamas before gently nudging Ray’s shoulder. “Ray, are you doing okay?”  


Ray blinked his eyes open to look at Mikey standing over him, looking worlds better than he had less than an hour ago. “Yeah, I’m okay.” Ray shook his head. “I’m sorry I fell asleep in your bed.”  


“It’s fine.” Mikey shrugged. “Do you mind if I go to sleep too?”  


Ray made room for Mikey on the side of the bed he was standing on. “Go for it, it’s your bed.”  


Mikey climbed in bed next to him and switched off the lamp on the table. “Thank you, again, for everything.”  


Ray just said, “Of course,” and closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

\----- 

“I don’t think you should drive home tonight,” Gerard said quietly once Mikey was out of the room.  


“Yeah, you’re probably right. I don’t think it would be fair of me to make Ray get up and drive right now anyway.” Frank sighed. “Is it okay if I sleep on your couch?”  


Gerard shook his head. “No,” He stood up and held his hand out to Frank, “But you can come and sleep in my room. You came here, no questions asked, found out something that seemed unbelievable, and brought someone with you that saved my brother’s life. I wouldn’t feel right making you sleep on the couch.”  


Frank smiled, for the first time in hours, and took Gerard’s hand, “Well, if you insist,” and followed him to his bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

Frank couldn’t help but think that bad luck somehow followed him around. First, the car crash, and then when things were actually going well, falling two nights in a row, the scrapes getting infected, stepping on glass, and after finally spending time with a new friend -yes, he was calling what happened that night in his living room ‘spending time with’- for the first time in years, and his brother gets stabbed the next day. He understood that the intricacies that led to Mikey being stabbed were exceptionally far removed from him, but it just seemed like bad stuff happened wherever he was. Right now was an exception. He woke up to Gerard nestled up against him, his head resting on Frank’s shoulder and his arm draped across Frank’s stomach. It had been a really long time since he had been this close to someone, he didn’t want to do anything to ruin it. What he wanted to do was close his eyes and go back to sleep within the warmth of another person, but his theory of being bad luck was proven correct again. As he was about to fall back asleep, there was a knock at the door that woke Gerard.  


Gerard seemed a little embarrassed to find himself unconsciously huddled up to Frank, and moved away quickly before yelling “come in,” in the direction of the door.  


It was Ray, standing fully dressed and seemingly fine in the doorway. “Uh, I’m sorry if I woke you up. Is Frankie up?”  


Frank rolled himself over and opened his eyes. “Yeah, I’m up.”  


“I have to go to work, but if it’s okay with you and Gerard, I was wondering if you’d stay here, just until Mikey is up, so you can check on him for me.” Ray ran a hand through his hair. “If it’s not, I can drive you home right now, I have to stop at the apartment to change anyway.”  


“It’s fine with me. It might be nice having someone else here, just so I don’t start freaking out.” Gerard looked over at Frank, awaiting his answer.  


Frank nodded slowly. “Yeah, of course.” Frank didn’t know exactly what Gerard might freak out about, but he definitely wanted to do whatever he could to comfort Gerard, and really, he would do just about anything for Ray at this point.  


“Alright, I have to go then. Frank, I can stop by and pick you up after I get off work, I’m worried about you walking home, I don’t want you getting hurt again,” and Ray was out the door before Frank could protest about his knee injuries.  


Frank slid back down, pulling the blankets back up over his shoulder. He turned on his side and looked to see Gerard just idly watching him.  


Gerard held his gaze for a moment before letting his eyes fall. “I’m sorry,” He whispered.  


“Why?” Frank was confused as to what Gerard could possibly be sorry for.  


“I don’t know.” He raised his eyes to look back at Frank. “I’m confused by a lot of things recently.”  


Frank wished he understood exactly what Gerard was saying, but he didn’t. It was almost funny to Frank that Gerard was saying he was confused about things when Frank was the one that just found out vampires were real last night, but he didn’t say that. He just laid there, quietly looking back at Gerard as he arranged his thoughts, forever in awe of how beautiful he was.  
“Can I kiss you?” Gerard’s voice was barely audible.  


That question surprised Frank more than anything else had in the past few days. He looked Gerard’s face over, trying to understand where this was coming from, but the only thing he found in his eyes was nervous anticipation of an answer. He didn’t understand why Gerard asked Frank to kiss him, but he knew that he had wanted to kiss Gerard for some time now. Frank whispered back “yes,” before he could convince himself that he was still asleep and this was just a dream. The feeling of Gerard’s hand gently resting on his jaw was proof enough that this was not, in fact, a dream, and the soft pressure of fingertips on the back of his neck drew his face closer to Gerard’s.  


Gerard wasn’t really sure what he was doing, he was right, he was confused about a lot of things, and Frank was one of them. Not only did Frank confuse him, but he was confused by the way he felt about Frank. He was hoping that would at least help answer some of the questions running through his mind. The warm feeling of Frank’s body was slowly growing closer until their bodies met less than a second before their lips. The only way for Gerard to describe what he felt was comfort. It was as if Frank soaked up all his worry and guilt over Mikey and just gave him safety in return.  


Frank pulled away, a little overwhelmed by how desperately Gerard had been holding onto him. It was what Frank had wanted for a while, but he didn’t want to feel like he was taking advantage of Gerard’s loneliness, or worse, he didn’t want Gerard to just be using him as a distraction. “Gee,” Frank sighed, carefully moving his own hand up to meet Gerard’s face. He wanted to ask something meaningful, something that could express all the thoughts going through his head, but all he could get out was, “why?”  


Gerard’s face fell. He didn’t know how to put into words what he was feeling, but he desperately wanted to. “It’s like what I said the other night in the bar, I was meant to meet you. Being with you… comforts me.” He shook his head, frustrated that he couldn’t find the right words.  


“I-” Frank cut himself off. He didn’t know what to say, not really. Honestly, he was just as confused by everything. He wanted to tell Gerard that he was scared that they might both be taking advantage of each other, but he didn’t know how to say it without hurting Gerard. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Was all he could muster. He felt kind of dumb, he had all these feelings and things he wanted to say, but the words just weren’t making sense.  


“You aren’t going to hurt me.” Gerard shook his head again.  


Frank removed his hand from Gerard’s face and used it to take a hold of his hand. “You don’t know that. Too much has happened recently, after last night, I can’t think straight right now. I don’t think either of us can.”  


After a moment, Gerard nodded, understanding. He knew Frank was right, he wasn’t thinking straight. He laid silently for a few minutes, lost in his own thoughts, too awake now to fall back asleep anytime soon. Gerard turned to see if Frank was having as much trouble sleeping as he was, and he caught Frank staring down at their intertwined hands. “I ruined Mikey’s life.” He said quietly.  


Hearing Gerard’s voice caught Frank’s attention immediately, and the pain in his eyes was worse than in his voice. He scowled. “You didn’t ruin his life. Something terrible happened in the past and you just happened to not be there. Last night, you saved his life, that has to count for something.”  


“He’ll never be the same, and he hates what he is. One day, he’ll watch me grow old and die, and he’ll look exactly the same.” Gerard’s voice was bitter. “And don’t ask why he won’t just change me too, because he won’t. He hates what he is and doesn’t want to do that to me.”  


Frank didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell Gerard that it would be fine and that Mikey doesn’t resent him or blame him, but Frank couldn’t say that because in all honesty, he didn’t know. He had no idea what it was like to go through what Mikey went through or what it was like to have to live the way he did. “I’m sorry.”  


“No… I’m sorry.” There were tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. “I’m sorry I asked you to kiss me, that wasn’t fair, and I’m sorry that I got you involved in this whole mess. I just, if I lost him…” His voice broke off.  


“Gee, it’s okay. You’re not going to lose him. Obviously Ray would do anything to help Mikey, and I’ll do anything I can for both of you.” Frank squeezed Gerard’s hand a little tighter. “And I’m not mad about you asking to kiss me and I’m not mad that you called me last night.”  


Gerard was shaking now, the weight of everything that had happened over the past few days catching up to him all at once. “Frankie,” was all he could muster.  


Frank reached out, pulling Gerard’s shaking body towards him, wrapping him in an embracing and holding Gerard’s head against his chest. This was the best he knew how to do at this moment.  


Gerard was shaking against Frank, struggling to catch his breath. He grabbed tightly onto handfuls of Frank’s shirt, clinging to any safety he could reach.  


The smell of lavender reached Frank’s nose and he was transported back into his living room, just a few days ago, when Gerard was comforting him in the best way he could. Frank was shocked and honestly amazed at the bond he had with a person he thought of for so long as just that one guy who was at the bar every night. He used his free hand to idly play with Gerard’s hair, which seemed to do worlds in calming him down. Frank could feel his breathing even out and the grip he had on Frank’s shirt loosened a little, but not completely. He was so still for such a long time that he didn’t realize he was falling asleep.  


The rhythm of the rise and fall of Frank’s chest changed, and Gerard could tell he had fallen asleep. Gerard knew he needed more rest too, so he let the sound of Frank’s heart beating against his cheek lull him to sleep.  


\---  


Frank woke up first, Gerard still pressed against his chest, asleep in his arms. There was a growing tightness in his chest, centering around the beautiful man who finally looked at peace for the first time since Frank arrived at the apartment last night. He gently brushed the hair off of Gerard’s face and began running his fingers through the long, black hair. He knew today he had to admit that life would never be the same, knowing about Mikey, so he wanted to revel for as long as possible in this moment that felt so safe and normal. It would end eventually, Frank knew that, but when Gerard blinked his eyes open a few seconds later, it felt too soon.  


Gerard was slightly disoriented when he first awoke, not used to someone else being in bed with him. He flexed his fingers, unwrapping them from around Frank’s shirt. He blinked a few times, recollecting the memories of last night and earlier this morning. His first reaction was to try and apologize, but he also knew that would get him nowhere, and he wasn’t really sorry about kissing Frank, maybe the circumstance, but in actually doing it he had no regrets. He was still confused, if not more confused now, about Frank. Gerard was sure of one thing, though, that he wanted to kiss Frank again. He pulled himself away from Frank, creating a space of cold air between them. “What time is it?” He squinted against the light coming in through the window.  


“Just past 10,” Frank answered, grabbing his watch off the nightstand and strapping it back on his wrist.  


Gerard nodded and sat up slowly. “I should see if Mikey is up.” He began to lower his legs off the edge of the bed, but Frank caught his wrist before he could stand up.  


“Do you want me to come with you?”  


He thought for a minute before shaking his head and turning back to Frank. “No, I’ll be fine.” Gerard stood up then and quietly made his way out of the room. He was nervous, something like this hadn’t exactly happened before. Sure, he’d seen Mikey tired and weak after days without blood, and nothing would ever compare to what he went through right after being turned, but this was something different entirely. Mikey’s door was shut, and he assumed Ray had closed it when he left, because Mikey usually slept with the door cracked a bit. Gerard knocked gently on the door frame and waited for a few seconds in silence before slowly opening the door himself.  


Mikey was still asleep, he was paler than usual, but that didn’t really mean much. The first time Gerard saw him sleep after the initial… incident, Gerard thought he was dead. He doesn’t really breathe, so he just looks still. The only thing that indicates that he hasn’t died is the slightly rosey color in his cheeks. Gerard walked up to his bed and just looked down at Mikey for a few moments. He looked peaceful, and wrapped in the blankets, surrounded by pillows that Ray also must have set up, he looked small. Gerard wasn’t completely sure what the right thing to do was, he knew Mikey needed to rest, but his own anxiety was getting the best of him. He gently tapped Mikey’s shoulder, and breathed a sigh of relief when Mikey grumbled and scrunched up his face.  


“Mikey, it’s just Gerard, checking on you.” He brushed the hair off of his face. He was honestly just glad that Mikey was awake at this point.  


“Gee?” Mikey slowly opened his eyes to look up at his brother. He moved his arm over the other side of the bed, shocked to find a pile of pillows there and not another person. “Where’s Ray?”  


“Ray left, he had to go to work. It’s a little after 10 right now.” Gerard explained. “How are you feeling?”  


Mikey thought about being completely honest. He felt like he’d been hit by a truck. All the excess energy he was used to having was gone, even sitting up seemed to take a lot of effort. There was an ache radiating out from the spot on his stomach where he’d been stabbed. In that, he knew he was lucky. He was lucky because he was able to fight the guy off just enough to get him to hit his stomach and not his chest. If he hadn’t been able to, no amount of blood would have been able to save him. He pulled up the hem of his shirt to look at the wound. If he didn’t know it happened last night, he wouldn’t believe it. The flesh was already completely closed, and the redness that was still there late last night was gone, there was only the shiny line of a forming scar and the black thread weaving through it as proof that anything ever happened. Mikey started picking at the end of the thread, not wanting to pull it out, but still slightly irritated that it was there. He had to give Gerard an answer, but he didn’t want his brother to worry, so he just said, “I’m okay. As good as I can be, all things considered.”  


Gerard nodded, accepting that as good enough. He wasn’t going to tell Mikey, but just like Frank two nights ago, he could tell he was lying. He held out a hand to Mikey, who took it gratefully and used it to help himself get out of bed.  


“I have work today.” Mikey muttered. He was careful to not wobble as he stood, his legs felt weak, but if his brother noticed him struggling to stand, he would never get out of the house and to work today. Which, Mikey thought, wouldn’t be the worst thing to rest all day, but he was already on thin ice with the owners, and he didn’t think he could convince anyone to cover his shift.  


“I don’t know if that’s the best idea.” Gerard scowled. He was fidgeting nervously, picking at the hem of his shirt. “What if you’re in danger.”  


That thought hadn’t really crossed Mikey’s mind. What if the guy from last night knew where he worked and came back to finish the job, while he was still weak? He shook that idea out of his head. “I’ll be fine. Honestly, I just want to feel fucking normal, and I need to go to work to do that.” He sighed. “I’m really okay, and if I’m not, I’ll call you and I’ll come home.”  


“Okay, okay.” Gerard stopped fidgeting and looked up at Mikey. “I just want to know that you’re safe, and that you’re not going to d- that you’re feeling alright.”  


Mikey knew what Gerard was going to say, he was worried Mikey was going to die, and he didn’t blame him. What last night looked like to Gerard must have been all too similar to what the night he got turned looked like. “Thank you. For taking care of me and looking out for me.”  


“You’re my brother and I love you, it’s what I have to do.” Gerard shrugged.  


“I love you, too.” Mikey gave Gerard a quick hug and then made his way into the bathroom.  


Gerard looked around the room for a few moments, reliving the scene of last night over and over. First, Mikey covered in blood, screaming, another person on top of him. Later, Mikey held tightly against Ray’s chest, safe. That was the memory he wanted to keep, so he left the room before the first image could come back, and he returned to his own room. “Mikey’s okay. He insists on going to work, but he’ll call if he needs anything.”  


Frank could read the pain on Gerard’s face as soon as he walked back in the room, and he knew that if they just sat Gerard would replay last night over and over until his head explodes. “Wanna watch shitty TV?” Frank asked, getting out of bed, ready to head towards the living room.  


Gerard just nodded with a weak smile and followed him to the couch.


	7. Chapter 7

Mikey left a few hours ago, sunglasses covering his actual glass, hoodie pulled tightly around his face, hands in his pockets, covering as much skin as possible. Gerard had explained to Frank that it wouldn’t make him spontaneously combust, but the sun did hurt him a lot, and he was still weak so he had to be extra careful. Gerard was fidgeting the whole day, standing up and sitting down without a real reason, constantly asking Frank if he wanted any more coffee or anything to eat, and toying with any random object within his reach. Right now he was holding a pen to his lips and chewing on the end of it. By the time they finished their fourth episode of The Price is Right, Frank knew he had to do something more to distract Gerard.  


Frank waited for a commercial break to turn to Gerard and ask “Do you want to go check in on Mikey?”  


An immediate look of relief flooded Gerard’s face, “Oh God, fuck, yes.” He was already up and moving around the apartment gathering his keys and shoes. He knew Mikey wouldn’t exactly be happy that his brother was coming by the shop to check on him, but he wouldn’t be mad at Gerard either. He already had a hoodie on and was ready to go by the time Frank had one shoe tied. Gerard turned to him just in time to catch the grimace Frank made as he tried to get the shoe on over his other foot. “Frank, are you okay?”  


He was shocked at hearing the sound of Gerard’s voice, Frank had thought he was still in the other room grabbing his jacket. “Yeah,” He shook his head and got back to lacing his shoe, carefully keeping his expression blank. “I’m fine.”  


Gerard was not convinced, and as anxious as he was to go check on his brother, the thinly veiled look of pain on Frank’s face seemed more pressing at the moment. “No, something’s wrong. Did you hurt your foot when you fell?” He placed his hands on the back of the couch, looking over Frank’s shoulder at his feet.  


“No, I didn’t hurt it when I fell,” said Frank. It wasn’t entirely a lie, he didn’t hurt his foot when he fell, he had hurt it earlier that day. He didn’t want to bring it up now though, he knew it wasn’t nearly as important as getting Gerard to see Mikey. Frank tightened the laces as much as he could and tied a quick knot, hiding one last grimace before he stood up and faced Gerard. “See? It’s fine.” He said as he walked around the couch and met Gerard on the other side.  


Gerard still wasn’t convinced, his mouth set in a hard line, and he wasn’t going to move until Frank told him what was wrong. “Can I just look at it for you?”  


“Sure,” Frank held up a finger, stopping Gerard, who was already moving towards him. “When we get back from the game shop, you can look at it, but we’re going to see Mikey first.”  


For a few moments, Gerard just stood there and thought, a mix between worry for Frank and worry for his brother catching him in the middle. Finally, he looked up at Frank and nodded, “Fine.”  


The walk between the game store and the apartment was shorter than Frank thought it was, it was only a few blocks before they were standing outside the building, looking through glass windows at Mikey at the far end of the store, staring down at something on the counter.  


They didn’t see anyone else in the store, which eased some of Gerard’s anxiety slightly. If no one was there, no one could hurt his brother. He pulled the door open quickly and made his way towards the back of the store, a sweet, woody scent filled the air. Gerard was a little shocked that Mikey didn’t even look up to greet them or say anything at all. What if they had been regular customers. “Hey, Mikey,” Gerard said calmly once he was halfway through the store. That’s when he began to worry again, because Mikey didn’t even react to hearing his name. He quickened his pace and got to the counter as fast as he could. “Mikey? Mikey, what’s wrong?”  


A small noise escaped Mikey’s lips, and slowly, he raised his head to look at his brother. His eyes were dark, and his skin looked impossibly pale. He reached out and tried to touch Gerard’s face, but came up short. He was just barely able to croak out the word, “Help.”  


“Frankie?” Gerard’s voice was panicked now, but he wouldn’t look away from the intense eye contact his brother was making, silently pleading. “Frankie, help. Something’s wrong. Something is really wrong.”  


Frank was at Gerard’s side in a second, quickly grabbing hold of Mikey’s other hand. He didn’t know what to do to help. He felt stupid, just standing there, he didn’t know anything about their life. For fuck’s sake, he just found out vampires were real yesterday.  


Gerard caught Frank’s attention and motioned for him to help get Mikey on the ground so he wasn’t standing any longer. It didn’t take long, some quick maneuvering, the kid barely weighed anything. Once he was seated and leaning back against the wall, Gerard grabbed his hand again and asked, “What happened?”  


Frank took this time to quickly go and lock the front door of the shop, now was not the time for someone to just wander in looking for a Spiderman comic. He made his way back to the brothers in time to hear Mikey whisper to Gerard.  


“I think I was poisoned.”  


“How? Who?” Gerard was shaking his head, trying to process what he just heard. “Could it have been Ray, by accident?” He didn’t know Ray well himself, but Mikey and Frank sure did, and he trusted their judgment.  


Mikey was shaking his head. That was too long ago, this was recent. He looked up to Gerard suddenly and whispered, “Juniper.”  


He knit his eyebrows together and bit his lip, concentrating on what his brother just told him. “How would-” Gerard stopped as realization struck, “I think it’s in the air.”  


Frank just noticed the woody scent that filled the air, something that seemed so inconsequential before. The feeling of Gerard tightly grabbing his arm brought him out of his own thoughts, and he quickly turned to face him.  


“You have to get him out of here, the air is killing him.” The look in Gerard’s eyes scared Frank, he didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so intense before.  


He sputtered out, “I- Me? I don’t know what to do.”  


“Take him outside,” Gerard was in the process of helping Mikey to his feet. It was slow, but he seemed to at least have a small amount of strength left. “Get into the shade as fast as possible. His car is on the side street, get him in there, it has tinted windows.”  


Mikey slung his arm over Frank’s shoulder, barely able to stand the second Gerard had let him go. Frank looped his arm around Mikey’s waist and began carefully making their way to the door. Just before they made it to the glass door, Frank made sure to pull the hood back over Mikey’s face as far as it would go. The fresh air of the outdoors made the air in the shop feel extremely heavy, and at this point, even he was happy to be outside. They picked up the pace as soon as they hit the sun. Frank could see the pain that Mikey was in, the way his jaw was set and his eyes were squeezed almost completely shut. His car wasn’t far, and the passenger door was unlocked, so Frank swung it open and lowered Mikey down into the seat, quickly slamming the door shut as soon as his body was clear of the opening. He leaned against the car door, trying to catch his breath and calm his thoughts, but the thing he couldn’t get out of his mind was that his theory that he was bad luck just kept gaining evidence.  


Gerard rounded the corner a few minutes later, visibly shaking. “I talked to the owners, they were trying some new essential oil air freshener bullshit.” He shook his head. “I told them Mikey had an allergic reaction to it, not that far off from the truth, really. They’re gonna stop using it, and said that they would cover Mikey’s shifts until he gets better.”  


The relief that no one had actually tried to hurt Mikey only cleared the path for Frank to have a different worry. He was the reason, he was walking bad luck. He stood up from the car and made his way to Gerard. “I have to go.”  


“What, why?” Gerard grabbed Frank’s arm, not letting him walk past.  


“I’m bad luck.” Frank looked down at his feet for a second, then back up at Gerard. “And when it was just me, it was fine. It’s fine, I’m unlucky, whatever, but now I’m- bad things are happening to you and Mikey when I’m around, or after you’re with me. I can’t do that to you.” He tried to pull his arm away, but Gerard wasn’t going to let him go that easily.  


“Frank, that is the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Mikey was turned before I even met you. Bad shit happens, simple as that. You are not bad luck.”  


Frank was shaking now too, all his fears from the past few years about the car accident, his health issues, and all his injuries manifesting together in this moment. He tugged weakly against Gerard’s grip. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” He could feel the tears forming in his eyes and that was the last thing he wanted right now, all he could do was turn his head away in hopes that Gerard wouldn’t notice. The ache in the bottom of his foot was growing sharper the longer he stood there, but all he wanted to do was just run away so he wouldn’t cause any more problems for Gerard and Mikey.  


“Frank!” Gerard yelled, and it definitely wasn’t the first time he had tried to catch his attention.  


Frank snapped back to facing Gerard, who was at this point holding him by both his arms as tightly as he could. His heart was pounding in his ears and he felt completely glued to the spot he was standing in, finally giving up on trying to wrestle away. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.  


“Listen to me. You are not bad luck, what happened was just an accident, and Mikey will be fine once he gets home. I don’t care what you say right now, you’re not running home because you’re probably gonna hurt yourself more than you already are. So, for fuck’s sake, get in my car, help me get him home, and if you still think you existing around me is bad luck, I’ll drive you home then.” Gerard’s voice was intense, but he wasn’t yelling. “I care about you too much to let you be that fucking stupid.”  


Frank just nodded. He still didn’t completely believe that he wasn’t bad luck, but he also knew that Gerard was right, running away was not the answer and knowing him, he probably would get hurt. He also knew that he should help with Mikey and now was not the right time to just bail.  


After a few more seconds, Gerard finally let go of Frank, half worried that he was still just going to take off, but also knowing they couldn’t just stand on the side of the road all day. He walked past Frank towards the car, silently begging Frank to follow him, because he was too tired to fight anymore. He smiled a little at the sound of footsteps following him, and his smile only grew when he heard Frank quietly mumble behind him.  


“I care about you, too.”  


In the time between putting Mikey in the car and Frank climbing in the backseat, Mikey looked visibly better. Maybe that was just a testament to how long he and Gerard had been standing outside though. Whatever the reason was, he was just glad to see that Mikey no longer looked like he was going to die any second.  


“Thank you,” Mikey turned to look between Gerard and Frank, “again.”  


“Of course,” Gerard tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he pulled unto the road. “But Mikey, why didn’t you call or text or anything?”  


Mikey bit his lip. “I thought I was still weak from last night… I didn’t realize it was anything else until it was too late. I couldn’t move.”  


They drove in silence the rest of the way back, none of them having the emotional energy to try and start a conversation. Gerard parked the car around the side of the building where it blocked out the sun. Between both Gerard and Frank, helping Mikey back into the apartment was easy, and by that point he could at least hold himself up a little. He was a little irritated at the fuss Gerard was making over him, forcing him to get into bed and constantly asking if he needed anything, but he was too tired to fight it. Finally, after what seemed like half an hour of Gerard babying him, Mikey said, “I just want to go to sleep. I feel sick and it’s the only thing that’s going to help.”  


Gerard nodded, whispered “feel better,” and shut Mikey’s door behind him.  


Frank was waiting in the living room, nervously rubbing his hands together until Gerard sat down next to him on the couch.  


“You know,” Gerard started, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, “even if you might have a little bad luck, you’ve also got some serious intuition. If you hadn’t offered then to go visit Mikey, it could have been so much worse. He could’ve… It could have been bad.”  


“Yeah,” Frank reached out and put his hand on top of Gerard’s, “I’m glad he’s gonna be okay.”  


Gerard took hold of Frank’s hand and after a few moments turned to face him. “Do you still want to go back to your apartment? I can drive you.”  


Frank laughed a little to himself. “No, not really, I’d rather be with you than be alone. Anyway, Ray will be off work in a few hours, and I’m sure he’ll want to check on Mikey himself.”  


“Thank you.” Gerard smiled and rested his head on Frank’s shoulder. He clicked on the TV, this time it was Wheel of Fortune, and they sat like this watching mindlessly until Frank’s phone rang a few hours later.  


“Hello?” He flipped his phone open as soon as he saw the name “Ray” on the screen.  


“Are you still at Mikey and Gerard’s place?” Ray said through the phone.  


“Yeah, it’s been a strange day.” Frank rubbed Gerard’s arm with his free hand.  


“I’ll come pick you up, probably stop in to check in on Mikey too.”  


“Sounds good, see you soon.” Frank closed his phone. “I was right, he does, in fact, want to check on Mikey himself.”  


Only about 10 minutes passed before they heard the knock on the door, Gerard got up quickly and opened it. “Hey, Ray.”  


Ray smiled at Gerard and waved to Frank. “How’s Mikey?”  


Gerard explained to him what had happened at work, and why Mikey was back asleep in bed, where he would be for the next couple of days. He recounted the whole ordeal so calmly it almost seemed hard to believe how much he had been shaking, scared for his brother just a few hours ago. He also conveniently left out the part where Frank lost his shit on the side of the road, and Frank was immensely grateful for that.  


“Can I at least go in there and check on him?” Ray pointed down the hall to Mikey’s room “I don’t even have to wake him up.”  


“Sure,” Gerard nodded. As much as he wanted to just let his brother sleep, he also was happy that someone as caring as Ray was in Mikey’s life, and like Gerard, Ray would probably not stop worrying until he got to speak to Mikey himself.  


Ray pushed the door open slowly, relieved to find Mikey awake and reading a book. “Hey, Gerard told me what happened today. How are you feeling?”  


Mikey grabbed his glasses from his nightstand and looked up at Ray. “I’m doing okay. It was really weird. I know Gee is gonna baby me for a few days, but I honestly can’t even blame him after what’s happened in the past 24 hours.”  


“If I could get Frank to not do anything dumb for one afternoon I’d be lucky, so I understand where Gerard is coming from. Seriously though, if you need anything from me, just let me know.” Ray rubbed at his arm where the bandaids from last night were covered by his work shirt.  


“I know,” Mikey smiled, “Thank you.”  


“Of course. I’ll let you get back to reading, I need to get Frank and I home anyway.” Ray waved as he left the room, shutting the door as quietly as possible even though Mikey wasn’t sleeping. Gerard and Frank were watching him as he came back into the living room. “He’s awake, and he’s doing okay. I said this to Mikey, but I’m gonna ask the same of you, Gerard, if he needs anything, you know, from me, call me or text me or call or text Frank to get a hold of me. I don’t want him putting himself in danger for something I can give him.” He pulled a business card out of his pocket and scribbled his cell phone number on the back of it before handing it to Gerard.  


Gerard couldn’t stop himself for reaching out and hugging Ray. “Thank you,” He said, pulling back after he realized it might have been awkward. “Thank you for everything. Mikey is- I’m just glad you’re in his life.”  


Ray smiled back at him. “I’m glad you’re in Frank’s. Speaking of,” He turned his attention to Frank. “Let’s get going, I’m sure you want to eventually put on new clothes, and I’m starving.”  


“Aight,” Frank agreed, quickly turning to Gerard to say goodbye, and then him and Ray were on their way home.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been over a month since anything majorly bad happened, so Frank was taking that as a sign that he was not actually a walking bad luck charm. He and Ray were pretty frequently having dinner with Mikey and Gerard, rotating between their apartments. Mikey was doing okay, and as nervous as Frank got for Ray every time he and Mikey went into Mikey’s room after the rest of them ate dinner, Frank trusted that they would both take care of each other. Frank’s foot healed fine, and besides the leftover scars as a reminder of the falls and the infection, his knees were better too. Gerard still came to visit Frank at work often, but it wasn’t in the same way anymore, it was no longer Gerard’s only chance to see Frank. There was only one thing Frank held onto as a sign of bad luck, even though it had been over a month since anything egregious happened, it had also been over a month since he kissed Gerard. It was hard for him to not come to the consensus that he was right that morning, that it was a fluke, a weird, desperate moment where they both needed safety and comfort and that was the closest either of them could get. Every time he had that thought, it made him feel sick, he didn’t want to actually believe that it had just been convenient, that he was just close, and close was good enough for Gerard at that moment, but it kept slipping into his mind.  


“Frank,” Ray repeated his name for the third time, finally getting him out of his own thoughts. “Are you ready to go?”  


“Um,” Frank looked down at his still unlaced shoes. “Almost.” He quickly tied them and stood up, following Ray out of their apartment, pausing briefly while Ray locked the door behind them. It was Gerard’s turn to host dinner, and today was especially exciting because Frank didn’t have to go work at the bar afterwards. At first, it had been about safety. Both Gerard and Ray figured they could make sure Mikey and Frank were safest if they spent more time together, the less time apart, the less time they were in risk of getting into some sort of danger. Frank just saw it as more time around Gerard, and he wasn’t going to complain about that.  


The drive was always calming for Frank. It took him a long time to feel comfortable in a car after the accident, he still didn’t know if he’d be fine driving himself, but he always felt safe with Ray.  


Ray pulled up to the curb on the side street and shut off the car. He turned to Frank. “We might have to stay the night, Mikey texted me earlier.”  


Frank nodded. They both knew what Ray meant, and even though this had been going on for a while now, they both were still uncomfortable openly saying Mikey needed blood. Most of the time Ray would end up falling asleep afterward, and since Frank wouldn’t drive, they would just stay the night. He followed Ray up the stairs of the apartment building, holding the bottle of wine he’d bought the other day because he thought Gerard would like the picture on the label.  


The door swung open after the first knock, Mikey on the other side of it. He gave Ray a quick hug, letting Frank sneak past to meet Gerard in the kitchen.  


“Hey,” Frank said to Gerard’s back, causing him to jump a little and turn around. Frank held out the bottle of wine. “I saw this, and uh, I thought you’d like the picture. At the very least, we can drink it tonight while Mikey and Ray do their thing.”  


Gerard took the bottle from Frank, carefully inspecting the label. It was an image of an angel, not one of the pretty all-white ones, but an eldritch, biblical angel. It was hauntingly beautiful. “Frankie,” Gerard gasped. “It’s beautiful!” He pulled Frank against him into a tight hug.  


“I’m glad you like it.” Frank returned the hug, pulling back to find tears forming in Gerard’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”  


“Nothing,” Gerard shook his head. “It just makes me really happy that something so beautiful made you think of me. And yes, we will drink this tonight, but I’m keeping the bottle. Can you tell the other two that dinner is almost ready?”  


Frank stepped back, letting Gerard set the bottle down carefully on the counter. He turned and stepped out of the kitchen, giving Gerard room so he could finish cooking. Ray and Mikey were sitting on the couch together, talking about some video game that Mikey just got in stock at the store. “Gee says dinner is almost ready.” Frank took a seat at the already set table and the other two soon joined him.  


Gerard came into the room a few minutes later carrying a bowl full of sauce-covered pasta and another, smaller bowl. He set them both down on the table. “I made meatballs, but I kept them separate for Frank.”  


There was a chorus of ‘Thank you’s as everyone began filling their plates. Mikey always took a little of whatever was made, even though he didn’t need to eat food like this. He still could, and besides feeling like the nice thing to do, it maintained some sense of normalcy for him.  


Mikey and Ray kept discussing the video game all through dinner, debating whether or not it’s worth buying based on this and that reason. Frank and Gerard kept checking to see if the other knew what was going on at all, but they never did. It was the kind of family dinner Frank had always wanted but never got.  


When dinner was over, Frank helped Gerard clear the table and start the dishwasher. They came back to the living room and settled onto the couch, Gerard holding the bottle of wine and Frank holding two glass.  


“Gee, Ray and I are gonna be in my room,” Mikey said as he and Ray stood up from the table.  


“Don’t forget the bandaids, I bought a new box!” Gerard called after them.  


Mikey turned around and grabbed the box from the entryway table, and turned back towards his room. “Yep!” He yelled back just before the door shut.  


“I’m never going to get used to that.” Frank shook his head.  


Gerard was pouring the glasses of wine as he spoke. “It took me a long time. I still don’t like thinking about it too much, but I can’t just pretend it’s not happening anymore.” He held out a glass to Frank and took a sip of his own. “I don’t know. If I think about it too much, I blame myself again. I get sick thinking about the fact that he can’t just live a normal life.”  


Frank took a sip from his own glass of wine. “But it’s still not your fault.”  


“I know that, kind of.” Gerard swirled the wine in his glass. The pool of red only made him think more about what was happening in the other room. “I know he doesn’t resent me or even blame me, and I know constantly thinking of what if’s will never actually change anything. I just wish it didn’t have to be this way.”  


“I guess,” Frank gave Gerard a sad smile.  


“I’m grateful Ray is the person that he is. I’ve never met anyone so selfless and caring. Even in the way he cares about you, too. He just wants to help people.”  


Frank nodded again and finished off his glass of wine without realizing it. He smiled over at Gerard who noticed right away and filled it back up for Frank, topping off his own glass as well.  


“This is really good.” Gerard was analyzing the bottle again.  


“The wine or the picture?” Frank smirked. He always loved watching Gerard just exist, the way his eyebrows creased when he was thinking, or the way he poked out the tip of his tongue, just a little, when he was concentrating on something. Right now he was doing both.  


Gerard squinted one last time at the bottle, and Frank was beginning to think Gerard hadn’t heard the question before he finally simply responded, “Both.”  


Mikey did not enforce the same ‘no smoking in the apartment’ rule that Ray did. Gerard and Frank took advantage of that often, sitting in the living room, smoking and talking, trying to think about Mikey consuming Ray’s blood as little as possible. That’s how they were now, each of them with wine in one hand, a cigarette in the other.  


“I think you’re doing the best you can,” Frank said between a draw of his cigarette and a sip of wine.  


“Thank you.” Gerard swallowed and pushed his cigarette butt into the ashtray on the table. “I’m glad things have been better recently, for both of us.”  


“Cheers to that.” Frank laughed and finished what was left in his glass. He put his cigarette between his lips so he could use both hands to refill his glass, again. He poured what was left in the bottle into Gerard’s glass and shrugged when it was empty.  


“It’s fine, I figured we’d drink it all tonight.” Gerard smiled at Frank. “I’m gonna put the bottle on my desk, it kind of inspires me.” Gerard had been working as a freelance artist since Mikey was turned. He wanted to be home with his brother as much as possible and was afraid any other job wouldn’t allow that, especially since early on he felt like he was constantly having to run places to take care of his brother. It was better now, but the first few months were hell for both of them.  


The thought of Gerard putting a gift from Frank on his sacred workspace, that Frank himself wasn’t allowed to touch, made his heart pound in his chest. “I’m glad you like it that much.” Frank took the cigarette from his mouth and pressed it out in the ashtray Gerard had just used.  


“You know, I’ve been thinking, now that things are better,” Gerard was taking sips of his wine between each phrase, finally looking down when he put the glass to his lips and it came back empty. “I want to kiss you, again.”  


Frank nearly choked on the wine he was currently drinking. He covered for it by finishing off his glass, setting it down next to the bottle.  


Gerard did the same with his empty glass. He took Frank’s silence as a cue to keep going with his line of thought. “So much had happened, and I was overwhelmed, and it wasn’t right. But, things are okay, and I’m okay, and you’re okay, and Mikey’s okay, and Ray, well Ray has always been okay, but my point is, I’m not as confused.”  


Frank searched his brain for any reason at all that this was a bad idea, but he couldn’t find a single one. Gerard was right, things were better, that desperate pain and loneliness that was consuming both of them that night was gone, or at least it was significantly lessened.  


“I’m sorry, you can say n-” Frank wouldn’t let Gerard finish the sentence, he cut him off by pressing their lips together. It caught them both off balance, but Gerard used one hand to brace himself against the couch, and his other hand landed on the back of Frank’s neck.  


Frank hadn’t thought first, he just went for it. This is what he had wanted. He was clumsily held against Gerard, one hand on his chest, the other trapped in a web of his hair. He carefully tipped back, only leaving their foreheads touch, but letting them both catch their breath.  


“Frankie,” Gerard breathed. He brushed his thumb against Frank’s jawbone, causing Frank’s eyes to flutter open.  


“S-sorry,” Frank stuttered, pushing back a little further. “I just, I thought- I’m sorry.”  


“No,” Gerard whispered, just before bringing his lips back up to meet Frank’s. Almost instantly, he felt Frank’s body melt back against him, smoother this time, not clumsy and rushed. The wanting to kiss Frank again that had been building in his chest for over a month now was bursting out, he was dizzy with it. Frank parted his lips, just a little against Gerard’s, and that sent another burst of energy through him. He moved his arm from the couch up to Frank’s waist, using it to pull him closer. The confusion that had filled his mind was clearing. Now, there was just deep breathing and the buzz of alcohol thrumming between them. Gerard brushed his tongue over Frank’s lip, making Frank smile slightly against Gerard’s mouth. Slowly, after a few moments but what felt like forever, Gerard pulled back, taking a second to just look at Frank.  


Frank couldn’t stop looking at the awed expression on Gerard’s face, finally, he asked “What?” with a small smile.  


Gerard smiled back, something between a laugh and a sigh escaped his lips before he admitted, “I’ve been wanting to do that since the first time we kissed.”  


There was only one thought that Frank had in his mind, that he was definitely not bad luck anymore. “Oh God, me too.”  


Gerard bent down one last time and gently kissed Frank’s forehead, a gesture that seemed oddly more intimate than what just happened, but neither of them seemed to mind. In a few minutes, he knew either Ray or Mikey would probably be coming out of the other room, and this wasn’t exactly something Gerard wanted to explain right now. Frank seemed to be on the same page, since they both readjusted so their bodies were no longer pressed together, faces just inches apart. They would be on the couch exactly the way Mikey and Ray always found them, close, holding hands, Frank resting his head on Gerard’s shoulder.  


Frank wanted to say something, anything really, about the feeling that was stirring in his chest, but he didn’t know what. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing either, so he just stayed quiet. In lieu of words, he craned his neck slightly so he could press a soft kiss unto Gerard’s cheek.  


In response, Gerard squeezed his hand twice and dropped his head to rest on top of Frank’s.  


Less than five minutes later, the creak of Mikey’s bedroom door drew Gerard’s attention, and he turned to face the hallway. It was Mikey that wandered out. “Ray’s really tired,” He rubbed a hand over his face, leaving a small smudge of blood running from the corner of his mouth that made Gerard tense. “I’m gonna hop in the shower, but I think Ray is just going to sleep.”  


Hearing that didn’t surprise Frank, that was almost always what ended up happening. “Sounds good.” He gave a thumbs-up without even turning to face Mikey.  


“Okay, just check on him when you get back to the room,” Gerard said before Mikey turned towards the bathroom. Mikey always checked on Ray a bunch of times within the first few hours after feeding, but it made Gerard feel better to remind him. He knew blood loss made people woozy, which was one of the main reasons no one would let Ray drive after nights like these.  


Usually Frank was a little reserved and nervous about staying the night, at least putting up a little fight about sleeping on the couch instead of with Gerard in his room. Tonight, when Gerard stood up and held out his hand to help Frank off the couch, he didn’t bother to fight, he just followed Gerard straight to his room. He really just didn’t want to leave Gerard’s side right now.  


“Head’s up,” Gerard warned before throwing a pair of sweatpants and a T-Shirt at Frank, before turning around so that he could get changed. This was pretty standard protocol at this point, both of them turning around so the other could change. Gerard turned off the light after they were both in pajamas and slid into bed next to Frank. They always left a bit of room between them, except for reaching out and letting their hands touch, a reminder that the other was there and that they were safe. This time, Frank had his head resting on Gerard’s shoulder, and they fell asleep in the warmth and safety of each other's company.


	9. Chapter 9

That became the norm for Frank and Gerard, waiting until they were alone to experiment with their feelings. More and more often Frank would catch himself at work thinking of the way Gerard’s lips would look pressed against the glasses he was holding while he did the dishes. On more than one occasion, when Gerard was actually at the bar he’d completely forget about the other customers that would come in throughout the night. They started walking the line around Ray and Mikey too, holding hands under the table or sneaking kisses while the other two were turned away. It wasn’t that they were trying to hide it from Ray and Mikey, it was just more fun to be in their own little bubble. It was comfortable. They found safety in the warmth of their bodies pressed together on living room couches. If they were with each other and Mikey was with Ray, they could all pretend nothing bad was ever going to happen again. It had only been a few weeks since this all started, but Frank really felt like he’s known Gerard forever.  


Frank sat on the curb outside his apartment, a cigarette hung lazily from his mouth. Ray was still at work for another few hours, so Frank was trying to kill time on his own until he had to leave for work himself. Frank didn’t mind having to work tonight though, because Gerard had finally convinced Mikey to come to the bar with him, as long as Ray would be there too. So they all made a plan to go there tonight since Wednesday was usually the slowest night and that was the only way they were going to get Mikey to agree. Frank hoped that if everyone had fun and it went well that it would become a regular thing. He pressed his cigarette out under his foot and made his way back into the apartment.  


He took his time flipping through the channels on the TV. He worked at 6 and the last half an hour before he had to leave, always dragged on, today was worse than ever. There was an infomercial on the TV advertising some weight loss pill that probably didn’t even work with testimonials from people that were definitely ‘not actors.’ It was mindless and dumb and it passed the time faster than just staring at a blank wall.  


Frank left his apartment a few minutes before his watch read 6, and air outside had cooled significantly since he was out here last. He shoved his hands in his pocket and made the few hundred feet walk to the bar. The bar was empty save his coworker who was eagerly waiting to leave and one guy at the far end of the bar flipping a pen in his hand. His exchange with Aimee was short, she told him she had a date tonight and booked it out of the bar as soon as Frank had the apron tied at his hips. He set his focus on killing time, unstacking and restacking the glass, and straightening all the different booze bottles. Occasionally stopping his busy work to refill beers for the only customer. Finally, after what felt like the fifth time rearranging the beer glasses, the bell over the door rang and Gerard stepped through, followed closely by Mikey and Ray. Frank didn’t think he’d even seen Mikey so out of his element, he had his arms tightly crossed over his chest and basically just followed whatever Ray and Gerard did.  


They all took seats at the bar, Mikey nestled between Ray and Gerard, and greeted Frank excitedly.  


Frank smiled and set three glasses of beer down in front of them. “I’m really glad you finally decided to come out, it’s gonna be a good night.”  


It took a few hours, but Mikey eventually loosened up a little, quietly chiming in on the conversation every now and then, but he was still obviously uncomfortable. It wasn’t until Ray got him to tell Frank and Gerard about the newest comic book the store just got in that he actually seemed excited.  


Frank had all but forgotten that there was someone else in the bar until something Mikey said must have piqued his attention.  


“Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?” The guy at the far end of the bar said, pointing at Mikey.  


“I don’t know?” Mikey squinted through his glass, unable to see the man in the dark bar lighting. “I don’t really get out much.”  


The guy’s eyes widened suddenly. “Wait, it’s you.” He stood up and slammed one of his hands on the counter.  


“I’m really sorry, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mikey was starting to get nervous again and instinctively grabbed onto his brother’s arm.  


Frank noticed the guy reaching into his waistband for something and the realization that this guy was pulling out a weapon struck him fast. He didn’t think, he just jumped over the bar and in front of Mikey as the guy started charging at him.  


“You were supposed to fucking die.” The guy yelled. He wasn’t able to stop his momentum when Frank blocked his path to Mikey, so instead of hitting his target the knife wedged itself between Frank’s ribs.  


Frank screamed out in pain and fell to his knees, weakly grabbing at the knife. He couldn’t pull it out, it was in there too tight. He heard the sound of a crunch above him and looked up in time to see that Ray had just decked the guy, blood was pouring from his nose.  


Ray punched him again, getting him to the ground and wrenching the guy’s arm around his back and pressing it down between his shoulders. Ray was right next to the guy’s head, telling him as close as possible. “I’m gonna break your arm so you can never do that again, and then you’re gonna run away from here and never come back.” There was a sickening pop and the guy yelled out. Ray kept using the same arm to push him out of the bar, locking the door once he was out and waiting for just a second to watch him run away, clutching his arm to his chest.  


Gerard was on the floor, hugging Frank against his chest. He was trying desperately to stutter out anything sensical but no real sentences were forming. He pulled one of Frank’s hands back away from the knife, knowing he’d lose too much blood if he managed to actually get it out.  


Mikey was frozen in place, staring dumbly down at Frank bleeding in his brother’s arms knowing that should have been him. He dropped to the ground next to Gerard and reached forward to try and help but his hand came back covered in blood. “I-” He started to get that sick feeling of hunger in the pit of his stomach and scrambled quickly to his feet and as far away from Frank as possible. “I can’t be here. There’s too much blood.”  


“Mikey,” Ray found a towel to wipe off Mikey’s hand. “It’s not safe for you outside, you have to stay here.”  


“It’s not safe for me to be here!” Mikey cried, “I’m a danger to Frank. I have to get away.”  


“I’m gonna die,” Frank whispered dumbly, just loud enough for Gerard to hear.  


“No. No, you’re not gonna die.” Gerard was crying, kissing at the top of Frank’s head. At that moment, he knew what had to be done. “Mikey!”  


Mikey’s head shot up to look at his brother, Gerard’s voice momentarily breaking him out of his panic. He took a tentative step forward.  


“I-” Gerard choked, scared of what he was about to ask of his brother. “You need to- Mikey, please. You have to turn him.”  


Silence fell over the whole room, for the second time tonight, Mikey was frozen.  


“No,” He shook his head. “I won’t do that to him. I won’t put anyone through what I’ve been through, I can’t.”  


“Please,” Gerard was pleading, “He’s gonna die, Mikey. I can’t live without him.” He was holding onto Frank’s hand as tightly as possible. “I love him.”  


Frank looked up at Gerard, his vision was clouding over, making it hard to see, but he could see the redness surrounding Gerard’s eyes. “I love you too,” He whispered, just before he lost his grip on consciousness.  


It was only a few minutes before his eyes opened again, a splitting pain coming from his neck. Mikey was there, mouth pressed against his neck. Frank tried desperately to catch onto his thoughts. What was happening? What could Gerard possibly have said to make Mikey change his mind? He wanted to yell or scream against what felt like fire tearing through his veins, but he couldn’t, he couldn’t move. All he could feel was raw pain. He saw Ray’s mouth moving, saying something to Gerard, but he couldn’t hear over the brain splitting ringing in his ears. Then suddenly, all at once, everything stopped. He couldn’t see anything and the ringing was gone but so were all other sounds. That’s it, I’m dead, he concluded. The burning pain was gone, and in its place was left a dull ache that almost seemed to buzz through his body. He wanted to stay there, in his own mind where it was safe and warm, but something was trying to pull him out, someone calling his name.  


“Frankie, Frankie please,” Gerard’s voice was pleading him.  


The world slipped back into place around him and he was back in Gerard’s arms on the dirty floor of his workplace. He blinked his eyes open to find Ray and Mikey staring at him. There was blood on Mikey’s lips and Frank was acutely aware that it was his own.  


“He’s awake!” Ray exclaimed, causing Gerard to stir and pull Frank upright.  


Frank looked down at his chest, covered in blood, centered around the spot where the knife had been. He saw it on the ground a few feet away from him and wondered when they pulled it out. He carefully dragged his fingers over the hole in his shirt and found the wound already closed up. When he looked back up again, he saw Mikey had moved to the other side of the room and was scrubbing his hands over his face.  


“Frank,” Gerard whispered, and Frank got a good look at him for the first time. His face was tear-soaked and puffy and splattered with Frank’s blood. It all felt so surreal. “You’re alive! I can’t believe you’re alive.”  


“Gee,” Frank whispered back. He was about to ask how, but he already knew the answer. He wasn’t human anymore, Mikey turned him. The shock of everything his body had just gone through was too much for him to even think about right now, what he needed was comfort, and that was right in front of him. He closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Gerard’s. Gerard stiffened just for a second against him before wrapping his arms tighter around Frank, holding them together. Frank did the same, holding Gerard like he was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment, and maybe that was true.  


Gerard pulled back, gently running his fingers through Frank’s hair.  


“I’m scared.” Frank was starting to shake, the safety of hiding in a kiss could only stop everything from hitting him for so long. “I wanna go home.”  


Gerard nodded and helped Frank to his feet. Considering the amount of blood that was covering himself, Frank, and Mikey, it was a shock that the floor was basically clean. He was surprised at how steady Frank was on his feet, but Gerard still kept one arm looped around Frank’s waist as they made their way to the door.  


Ray had already grabbed Frank’s keys from his pocket and was able to lock the door behind them once they were all out. Frank turned back to see Mikey nestle himself under Ray’s arm, shielding himself from the alleyway when they passed by it. As short as the walk to the apartment was, the fear that they were all in made it seem much further. Gerard and Ray made a point to make sure Mikey and Frank got into the apartment first before following inside themselves.  


Frank sat on the couch as the other three stood around him, finally, Mikey sat down next to him.  


“Thank you,” Mikey looked down at his hands, “For saving my life. I’m sorry for what I had to do to you, but Gerard was right, you were going to die. You saved my life, I had to save yours. It’s different, and sometimes it fucking sucks, but it’s better than being dead. I’ll do what I can to help you through it, the first few months are the worst. I wish I’d had someone around that had been through it themselves.”  


Frank nodded and took hold of Gerard’s hand. “Thank you.”  


“You’re gonna need blood soon,” Mikey continued. “The sooner the better, because the longer you wait, the less you’ll be able to control yourself, and that’s when people get hurt.”  


“I’ll do it,” Ray piped in.  


“No,” Mikey turned to him. “You can’t do it for both of us, that’s too dangerous. Especially because Frank is newly turned, you could die.”  


“So it’s me.” Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand.  


Frank snapped his head to face Gerard. “You don’t have to, there are other options. I can go out and find someone else tomorrow, it’s what Mikey used to do.”  


“Frank,” Gerard stopped him. “I want to.”  


“If this is about me saving your brother, you don’t have to feel like you need to repay me or something. I chose to jump the bar.”  


“And I’m choosing to do this.” Gerard sat down on the coffee table facing Frank. “Because I love you, nothing else.” He kissed the back of Frank’s hand.  


Frank was quiet for a moment, and then nodded and said, “Okay.”  


“It’s settled then.” Mikey nodded as well and turned to speak to his brother. “It’s gonna hurt a little and you’re going to feel really tired after. Frank, it’s going to be hard to stop the first few times.”  


“I want you and Ray in the room then.” Frank sat up a little straighter. “In case I can’t stop. I want you to pull me off the second something seems off.” He paused for a moment. “So when do we do this?”  


“Now,” Gerard moved onto the couch with Frank. “If it has to happen soon anyway, let’s just get it over with.”  


Mikey stood, leaving Frank and Gerard alone on the couch. They were sitting close enough that it didn’t take long to get situated. Gerard had his arm around Frank’s shoulders, dangling his forearm right in front of Frank’s mouth. His other hand was holding Frank’s.  


Frank really wasn’t ready to actually do this, everything seemed to be moving way too fast. Everyone was watching him so expectantly that he couldn’t hesitate for very long. “Okay, the second you need me to stop, just say my name,” Frank said, his breath making the hair on Gerard’s arm stand up. “Ready?”  


“Ready.” Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand once and closed his eyes, preparing for the pain. He always hated needles, and he figured this would be similar, but he was doing it for Frank. The pain was sharper than he expected and he took in a quick breath, but he didn’t tell Frank to stop.  


Ray and Mikey were watching intently so if anything seemed off they were ready to move. So far, everything seemed fine. “Are you doing okay, Gee?” Mikey asked.  


Gerard nodded, eyes still held tightly shut. “I’m good.”  


They sat in silence for a few minutes. After a while, Gerard opened his eyes. His head was starting to swim and he was beginning to feel dizzy. “Frank?” He squeezed Frank’s had twice. “Frankie, I need to stop.”  


Mikey was ready to step forward, but Frank lifted his own head away from Gerard’s arm. He looked just as dizzy as Gerard.  


“Are you okay?” Frank turned and asked Gerard, who was actively avoiding looking at his own arm.  


“Yeah, I think I’m fine,” Gerard responded. He looked at Ray. “I’m really cold.”  


Mikey was already sticking bandaids to his brother’s arm, knowing he would probably faint if he saw the little puncture marks that were there.  


Frank stood up, making room for Ray to wrap Gerard in a blanket.  


Gerard looked nervous the second Frank left his side. “Are you okay, Frankie?” He tucked his freshly bandaged arm under the blanket with him so he didn’t have to look at it.  


“I’m okay.” Frank turned to Mikey. “Fuck, it’s like being on drugs.”  


“Yeah, pretty much,” Mikey smirked a little. “You have a lot more self-control than I did my first time.”  


Frank looked back at Gerard. “I don’t think I could live with myself if I hurt him. I’m gonna go wash off all this blood.” Frank turned to Ray. “Can you give him some of my clothes to sleep in? His are covered in my blood.” Frank left the room and the sound of the shower started soon after.  


Mikey and Ray helped Gerard to Frank’s room, asking over and over if he was sure he was okay. Ray found some sweatpants and a T-Shirt in one of Frank’s drawers and Mikey helped him change. They had just gotten him into Frank’s bed when Frank returned, showered and in his own clean pajamas.  


“We’ll be in my room if you need anything,” Ray said as he and Mikey both left, leaving Frank and Gerard alone.  


Frank shut off the light and climbed into bed with Gerard. “How are you feeling? Did I hurt you?”  


Gerard smiled sleepily at Frank. “I’m okay, just tired. And you didn’t hurt me. Honestly, Frankie, I’m just glad you’re alive.”  


“Thank you, Gee, for everything.” Frank gently kissed Gerard before snuggling up to him and falling asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Frank woke up in the middle of the night sweating, his head still resting on Gerard’s shoulder. The scene from last night kept replaying in his mind and it was enough to make him sure that he wasn’t going to be able to fall back asleep any time soon. He carefully slid out of bed, making sure not to wake Gerard, and made his way into the living room. He was a little surprised to find Mikey sitting on the couch with a mug tightly clasped between his hands. “Can’t sleep?” Frank asked, sitting down on the far side of the couch.  


Mikey smirked. “Nah,” He took a sip from his mug. “You want some tea? I have a hard time sleeping a lot. After the third time Ray found me sitting out here alone, he showed me where all the tea making stuff is so at least I’d have something to do. It’s calming too.”  


“Thanks, but I never really was much of a tea drinker.” Frank smiled back, but it faded quickly. There was a burning question in his mind that he had to ask. “Do you really hate it? Being a vampire?”  


“I don’t hate it, not really.” Mikey thought for a moment. “Obviously I’d rather live a normal life, but I meant what I said last night, it’s better than being dead.”  


Frank nodded. He didn’t know what to say so he just let them fall into silence.  


“So,” Mikey started again after a few minutes. “How long have you and my brother been more than friends?”  


Frank laughed to himself. “Honestly, I don’t know. It’s nothing that we’ve actually talked about, you know? Nothing official. I really love him, a lot. Somewhere in this mess we just started kissing, that’s all.”  


“I guess I’m not surprised, considering the way he used to talk about you when he went to the bar every night. By the end, I think he was going there just to talk to you.” Mikey laughed. “And you’re not off the hook either, Ray used to tell me all the drunken things you’d say to him about ‘the beautiful man that sat at the bar every night’.”  


“That’s fair. One day I gotta learn to shut the fuck up.” Frank leaned his head back against the couch, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m worried. My life’s gonna be so different.”  


“Yeah, I can’t say it’s not. Your life will never be the same.” Mikey paused. “I was scared at first, too. I still am sometimes, but Ray and Gee, they’ve been there for me and they’re going to be there for you, and I will too. It’s scary pretty often, not feeling like you’re fully yourself anymore. The times when you feel like you’re not in control are the worst.”  


As much as Frank wished what Mikey was saying comforted him, it really just created more questions in his mind. They sat in silence a bit longer, Mikey casually sipping his tea and watching shadows dance on the walls. There was one question at the forefront of Frank’s mind, and he had to know the answer, so he turned to Mikey and asked, “What did Gerard say that made you change your mind? You said you wouldn’t turn me before I passed out, but you did. What was it?”  


“He didn’t say anything more after you blacked out. I don’t think he could’ve if he wanted to. He was so torn apart at the thought of losing you he couldn’t do anything but cry and hold you. He loved you so much, I couldn’t do that to him. I had the power to keep you alive, I couldn’t let my own bitterness about my life take that from you. I couldn’t take you away from Gee.”  


The sight of Gerard’s blood and tear-stained face would be burned in Frank’s mind forever. That was the face of someone who thought they were about to lose another person they love. That was the face that saved his life. “Thank you, Mikey, I really can’t thank you enough for giving me another chance.”  


“You gave me one,” Mikey said simply. He finished his cup of tea and stood. “I’m going back to bed, take care of Gee.” He disappeared quietly out of the room.  


Frank was left alone with his thoughts again. He tried to focus on the parts of their conversation that would eventually lead to Frank being okay, but it was all the bad things, the scary unknowns that were pushing their way to the front, begging for Frank to confront them. It didn’t take long for the magnitude of what happened to start overwhelming his mind. Reality was crashing down around him and he realized his hands were shaking. Mikey’s words, telling him ‘Your life will never be the same,’ was replaying in his mind on repeat. The pain of dying, the fear of what happened to him, the fear of hurting someone, the fear of hurting Gerard, it all became more than he could handle.  


He tried to fight it for as long as he could, digging his finger into the palms of his hands to give his mind anything else to focus on. He needed to move. He needed to outrun the thoughts that were taking control of his mind. Frank shot up from the couch and ran out of the apartment before he could think about what he was doing. The cool air of the night hit his face and was enough to help him catch his breath. For the first time in almost two years, he wanted to drive. He wanted to get in a car and just go anywhere. But he didn’t have a car, and deep down, he knew he was still too scared to get behind the wheel again. He needed to do anything but he felt stuck. His legs were shaking too much to move, and he was frozen in place, staring into the dark sky alone for a few minutes. There was a scream trapped in his throat, but it wouldn’t come out. Frank thought that if he even tried his chest might shatter. The door creaked open behind and he turned quickly to see Gerard sheepishly standing there at the top of the steps.  


“Frankie,” His voice sounded small and tired. “What’s going on?”  


“I-” Frank choked on his words and collapsed to the ground, crying. “I’m scared.” After a few moments he felt Gerard wrap his arms around him.  


“Frank, it’s three in the morning. I woke up and you weren’t in bed, and you weren’t in the living room. Why are you outside?” Gerard rubbed his hand over Frank’s back, trying anything to calm him down.  


Frank raised his eyes to look at Gerard. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know anything. I can’t stop thinking about dying and being stabbed. I had to move, I had to get away from my thoughts, but I’m stuck. I’m stuck here and my head is so filled with all these terrible things and just, I was in so much pain, being stabbed, and dying, and even being turned, it all hurt so bad. I don’t want to hurt anymore and I don’t want to hurt you.”  


“You’re not going to hurt me.” Gerard sighed. “That’s what you said the first time we kissed, and you didn’t hurt me then, and you’re not going to hurt me now. Can you please just come back inside? I’m tired and it’s really cold out here.” Slowly Gerard helped Frank back to his feet. He was still shaking, but at least his legs were actually moving.  


“I couldn’t sleep,” Frank whispered as they stepped back into the building. “Every time I closed my eyes I saw myself dying, there was so much blood.”  


Gerard squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to go back to sleep, but you can’t just stand outside either.” The stairs creaked under their feet as they made it back up to Frank’s apartment. Gerard slid the lock shut behind them once they were inside. “Do you want to sit up for a bit?”  


“No,” Frank looked down at their intertwined hands. “I want to be able to sleep without seeing my death replayed in my mind, but I know that’s not possible right now.”  


“Let’s go back to bed.” Gerard led the way back to Frank’s room, again locking the door behind them. “I don’t know if it will help you, but locking all the doors helped Mikey feel safer at first, and that helped him sleep better.”  


Frank nodded and smiled a little, grateful for all the little things Gerard was trying to do to help. They both got back into bed, holding hands under the blankets. “Mikey was in the living room when I got up.” Frank murmured once they were settled in.  


“Ray and I find him out there a lot, at our apartment too.” Gerard sighed, “He has trouble sleeping most nights so I’ve just gotten used to it.”  


“We talked for a bit, about everything. It was when I was alone with my thoughts that I panicked.” Frank swallowed, trying to stop his mind from going back to that place. He tried to focus on the lighter topics. “Mikey knows about us now.”  


“Was it the saying ‘I love you’ to each other or the kissing?” Gerard smiled gently and brushed some loose hairs off of Frank’s face.  


“Both,” Frank smiled back at Gerard. “I’m assuming Ray will know by morning, if he doesn’t know already.”  


“Those two tell each other everything.” Gerard shook his head.  


“Do you think,” Frank grabbed Gerard’s other hand. “Will it get easier? The fear, the trouble sleeping, all of it, does it get better?”  


“The first month I don’t know if Mikey slept at all, I got to the point that I just figured vampires didn’t sleep.” He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of Frank’s hands. “It got better, over time. I know he still has nightmares, but it isn’t constantly anymore. He doesn’t worry about accidentally hurting me anymore, and I know he is able to control himself while feeding. Last night was the first time I’ve seen him have a hard time around blood in a really long time, and he was able to control himself. It gets easier Frankie, it’ll never be perfect, but it’ll get better.”  


“Did that ever happen? Him accidentally hurting you?” Frank bit his lip, he could never imagine Mikey hurting anyone.  


Gerard nodded. “Once, very early on. I was making dinner and I cut my finger. He lost it. I was able to fight him off and he realized what was happening. I don’t hold it against him, I wasn’t even mad, just scared, more for him than me. He didn’t forgive himself for a long time, but even that’s eventually gotten better.”  


“I don’t want to hurt you, or anyone, even on accident.”  


“The thing is, Frankie, it might happen, it’ll probably happen.” Gerard tightened his grip on Frank’s hands. “You know about accidents, sometimes they happen, and you can’t blame yourself forever. One of the most life-altering things just happened to you, no one expects you to be perfect. You and Mikey, you guys mean more to me than anyone else, I’m not going to let accident’s change that. I love you.”  


Frank’s lip quivered. He was desperately trying to hold onto Gerard’s words forever, amazed that anyone could feel that way about him. “I love you, too.” His words were barely audible, but the smile that graced Gerard’s lips was evidence enough that he heard them. Frank sank against Gerard, resting his head back against his shoulder letting himself be wrapped in the safety of Gerard’s arms. “You can go to sleep, I know you’re tired,” Frank said quietly once he was comfortably in place.  


“Are you going to be okay, or am I going to wake up again and find your spot on the bed empty?” Gerard was brushing his fingers through Frank’s hair.  


“I’m not going to run again,” Frank assured Gerard. “But I’m probably not gonna sleep, I still see it every time I close my eyes. I know you need the rest, please get some sleep, I’ll be fine.” He really meant it. He sat awake, painting pictures on the dark bedroom walls with his mind. He felt safe there, in Gerard’s arms behind locked doors where nothing could hurt him anymore. Eventually, he could hear Gerard’s breath change, and Frank knew he was asleep. He laid there for as long as he could, just listening to Gerard breathe, before sleep finally took hold of him as well.


	11. Chapter 11

Frank didn’t sleep much that night. He knew that for maybe an hour or so he did, but the nightmares of his death woke him up and he didn’t want to risk trying again. He passed the time alternating between counting Gerard’s heartbeats and timing his breaths. A few times throughout the night he would place his hand to his own chest so he could compare heartbeats, just to be reminded that his was now nonexistent. It was weird, whenever Frank couldn’t sleep he liked to listen to the sound of Gerard’s heart, but now the feeling was much more mixed. The calmness was still there, but there was something else, too. Deep in his chest, there was a hunger that grew at the thought of blood pumping through his veins. It was the hunger that kept making him want to turn around and latch onto Gerard’s throat, where the veins closest to his heart were the most accessible. It made him sick that his mind even went to that place, a place where he wanted to hurt his friend, and he concentrated very hard on pushing those thoughts as far away as possible. He considered trying to sleep some more, but even closing his eyes for a few seconds brought back the image of his limp body covered in blood. Eventually, maybe in a few days, he knew exhaustion was going to win, but he was fine putting it off for now.  


He watched the numbers on the clock by his bed tick by. He waited until the clock read 6:30 to climb out of bed, since that was when Ray usually woke up to get ready for work. He looked back at Gerard as he got to his feet and found him still fast asleep, which he knew Gerard needed. Frank unlocked the door and snuck out as quietly as possible, hoping Gerard wouldn’t be upset to find the bed empty now that it was actually daytime. The door to Ray’s room was cracked open, so he figured that meant he was up. Frank shuffled through the hallway and peered through the crack. He saw Ray sitting awake on his bed, but so was Mikey. Ray had him tightly wrapped in a blanket, then his arms wrapped over the blanket around Mikey. It was hard to tell for sure, but it seemed like Mikey was crying. He knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but he could help but hear the stream of words coming from Mikey.  


“Ray… what happened last night, that was meant for me. I left the apartment, once, to go out, and someone tried to kill me. I can’t go anywhere, I’m not safe. And now what? What happened to Frank, that’s my fault. If I wasn’t there, he would be okay. He would still be human. He got stabbed protecting me, and how- I didn’t deserve that. I didn’t deserve to be saved. You don’t- It should have been me. I should have been stabbed. I should be dead. And fuck, Gerard’s lost so much, I couldn’t take Frank from him. But what we are, Frank and I, it’s not-” His words got cut off by a choked sob.  


Frank stumbled back from the door, feeling suddenly sick. He wanted to tell Mikey that it was okay, that he would be okay like this. That he’d rather this be the case than have Mikey dead. But he couldn’t, he knew he wasn’t supposed to hear that. He moved away from Ray’s room, quickly turning instead to the kitchen. He set to getting the coffee going, pulling out 4 mugs from the cabinet just to be ready for each of them. He leaned back against the cabinet, scrubbing his hands over his face, just trying to clear his thoughts. Ray walked in a few minutes later.  


“Hey?” He was shocked to see Frank up this early. “Are you doing okay?”  


“I couldn’t sleep,” Frank said quietly as he poured out coffee for the two of them. “I kept replaying last night over and over, every time I closed my eyes. Figured I’d just get up at this point.”  


Ray smiled sadly at him. “I’d say I’m sorry, but that doesn’t really seem to cut it right now. What happened, what you went through, nothing I can say right now will fix it.” He took his mug from Frank. “What can I do to make anything even a little bit better?”  


Frank looked at Ray, really looked at his best friend. He was one of the best people Frank had ever met, the person who helped him when he was at his worst, who took care of him for years, and now was going to help him through what would probably be the hardest thing Frank will ever go through. He pulled Ray into the tightest hug he had probably ever given anyone and focused as hard as he could on not just breaking down crying right there. Ray was startled at first, but once he had his coffee safely on the counter he pulled Frank against him, letting Frank bury his face against Ray’s chest. They stood there like that, in the middle of the kitchen, for a few minutes before Frank was able to recollect himself and pull back. “Don’t let Mikey blame himself,” Frank said quietly.  


“I won’t.” Ray nodded, a little confused by the sudden shift in mood. They both took their coffee and moved to sit down at the table.  


“Do you work today?” Frank asked, even though Ray was already dressed in work clothes.  


“I always work during the week, Frankie. It’s Thursday.” Ray shook his head. He knew what the question really meant, that Frank didn’t want to be alone, and that he didn’t want Mikey to be alone either.  


“I figured. I guess I just- I don’t know.” Frank waved it off, turning instead to his coffee as if that would fix how tired he currently was from not sleeping.  


“I know,” Ray assured Frank as he stood again and began moving about the kitchen to make toast.  


“I think you broke that guy's arm,” Frank mumbled while Ray had his back turned.  


Ray didn’t turn around when he replied, “He stabbed you, it was kind of warranted to get him out of there.”  


“Yeah, I just, never saw you do anything like that before.” Frank shrugged.  


Ray turned back around, holding a plate containing only buttered toast. “Frank,” He rolled his eyes. “He technically killed you. He’s lucky he still had an arm when he left the bar.”  


Frank shrugged again and went back to drinking his coffee. He didn’t want to think too long on what Ray just said. They sat in silence together for a while, Ray eating and Frank trying to concentrate on the little bubbles moving at the top of his coffee between sips.  


After a few minutes, Ray looked down at his empty plate then back up at Frank. “Do you want to talk about it?”  


“I don’t know what there is to talk about, man.” There was an edge to Frank’s voice. He wasn’t mad at Ray, he knew that, he was mad at what happened to him. “You were there, you saw everything. I can’t close my eyes, I can’t sleep, I can’t think without it just consuming my mind. And I know it’s only been, what? Seven or eight hours, but it’s been a pretty shitty seven or eight hours.”  


Ray nodded solemnly as Frank spoke, trying to process everything he was saying so he could respond, but for the second time already this morning, nothing seemed like it would be enough to even put a bandaid on the amount of hurt Frank was going through. “I just want to help, Frankie.” Ray was dejected, he felt like he was currently failing Frank as a friend.  


“I’m sorry,” Frank pressed his hands to his face. “I don’t want to be a jackass. You and Mikey and Gerard have done more for me than I ever deserved, and I am so fucking grateful for all of you, I just, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to act. I want to take back yesterday, I want it to never have happened, but that’s not an option. I want to say that I want everything to go back to normal, but I can never have normal again, and yes, that is so much better than being dead, but it still fucking sucks. And honestly? I’m scared, I’m so fucking scared. I couldn’t live with myself if I ever hurt you or Mikey or Gerard, even on accident. What if last night was a mistake? What if Mikey made the wrong choice and I should be dead right now?” He didn’t realize how upset he was getting while he was talking, but by the end he was practically yelling. His hands were balled into tight fists and pain was beginning to well up in the palms of his hands where his short fingernails were digging in.  


“I didn’t.” Frank heard a voice say behind him and quickly spun around to see Mikey standing by the wall. He was still holding the blanket around himself.  


“What?” Frank asked quietly.  


Mikey sat down at the table with Ray and Frank. “I didn’t make the wrong choice. Everything I said last night, about you deserving a second chance, about not taking you from Gerard, about how much I intend to help you through this, I meant it.” His voice was calm. “ You deserve to be alive, and I’m sorry that because of me, your life won’t be normal anymore.”  


“You do too.” Frank looked at Mikey. “You deserve to be alive right now. And I don’t want anything I say to make you think that I would rather you had died so I could still be human. I would jump that bar 1000 times again, knowing the outcome, to save you. I’m worried I’m not as good as you, Mikey. I’m worried I’ll be dangerous, and that I won’t be able to control myself and I’ll hurt someone.”  


“I’m not perfect, Frank.” Mikey shook his head. “I’ve hurt people too, people I love. Sometimes, bad things happen, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be alive.” More than Mikey was willing to admit, he was trying to convince himself of that as well.  


There was a moment of quiet between them, and Ray took that as a chance to get up and bring the coffee pot over, along with another cup for Mikey. He refilled all their cups and returned the pot back to it’s stand before sitting back down in his spot at the table. “The thing is, Frank, is that we care about you, and we’ll protect you, and if that means protecting you from yourself, that’s what it means.”  


Frank lifted his coffee cup to his lips, ignoring the scalding heat as it slid down his throat. It was weird, but it kind of comforted him, the fact that he could still feel pain made him feel more human. He spent so much of his life getting hurt and in pain, that feeling was almost normal to him. He knew pretty soon Ray would have to leave for work, and in a few hours, Mikey would too, leaving him alone with Gerard, the person he was most scared of hurting.  


“Is Gerard doing alright?” Mikey asked Frank, pulling him back from his thoughts.  


“Yeah, he’s feeling fine, he’s still asleep in there, but I know he needs the rest.” Frank gave a half-hearted smile back at Mikey.  


“That’s fair,” Mikay said, “I think last night was a lot for all of us.”  


Frank nodded, this time the memory of last night was focused on Gerard, covered in Frank’s blood, tears staining his face. The memory shifted, for the first time since it happened, to later that night. The dazed look on Gerard’s face, right after he’d let Frank drink his blood.  


“I feel really bad saying this, but I have to head to work.” Ray stood up, leaving his coffee cup in the sink. “Take care of each other, and if you need anything, anything at all, just call me and I will be here as fast as I can.” With that, he left the kitchen and exited the front door, locking it behind him.  


“I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts,” Frank whispered, not to anyone in particular, but Mikey looked like Frank had just read his mind.  


“Me either,” He agreed. Mikey felt a little bad saying it, since he wasn’t the one who actually got stabbed last night, but Frank seemed to understand. All he wanted was to be home, safe, with his brother. “I already called my job, told them I had another allergic reaction to something and couldn’t come into work today.”  


Frank couldn’t hide his relief. Mikey would be there, and that meant Gerard would be safe and he didn’t have to be alone. “I wouldn’t be able to go to work today, I don’t blame you.” Luckily for Frank, he already had the night off, but if he was scheduled he was sure he would have called in. Walking into that bar seemed to be about the last thing he would ever want to do right now.  


“I also know what it’s like… The first 24 hours is when you have the least control.” Mikey sighed. “I was alone, and I was still in shock, and I was more scared than I had ever been in my entire life. I don’t want anyone else to have to go through what I did.”  


There was a part of Frank that wanted to ask Mikey about everything that happened to him. What happened, who turned him, why they did it, but he didn’t want to force Mikey to talk about something that Frank knew from personal experience was hell. Eventually, Mikey would tell him, right now was not the time. “Thank you.” Frank muttered when he couldn’t find any other words. After a few minutes sitting in silence Frank started laughing.  


“What?” Mikey looked at him like he was losing his mind, which wasn’t that far off.  


Frank shook his head. “It’s just- It’s like a set up for a joke. ‘Two vampires are at a table drinking coffee’.” He waved a hand over the table.  


Mikey laughed lightly. “It does seem a little, ridiculous.” He smirked and took another drink of his coffee. He looked down into the now empty cup. “So what’s the punchline?”  


Frank laughed again, this time more sincere. “I don’t know if there is one.”  


Mikey got up to pour himself another cup of coffee, and the morning continued on. After a while Frank offered Mikey a cigarette and they both made their way outside to smoke. The nervous glances Mikey kept making towards the alley were not lost on Frank. They stood together in the shade on the other side of the building, not talking, but feeling safer having the other around. They finished their cigarettes quickly, and Frank made sure they were back inside as quickly as possible. He didn’t want Gerard to wake up and find both of them missing, after what happened last night. Mikey went back to Ray’s room to read for a bit, which was okay with Frank, because he wanted to check back in on Gerard.  


Gerard was still asleep, all twisted up in Frank’s blankets. His lips were slightly parted, and he was making the same little happy sleep noises that he made that first night he fell asleep on the floor next to Frank. The memory of that made Frank smile. It was only a few months ago, but after everything that has happened, it felt like it was years ago. He didn’t want to wake Gerard up, but Frank did want to be close to him. He considered going into the living room to watch TV, but even the thought of being alone right now made him nervous. He crawled into bed again, next to Gerard, and memorized the way his face looked while he was so peaceful. Frank wanted nothing more than to curl up next to Gerard and sleep forever, but he knew that wasn’t an option, since the nightmares would inevitably wake him up. Even though sleep wasn’t an option, Frank still nestled up as close to Gerard as he could. The birds were out now, and Frank could hear them singing, and between them and the comfort Gerard brought, he was able to at least relax for a bit.


	12. Chapter 12

“Stop, Frankie, you’re hurting me… Frank! Mikey? Mikey, Help!”  


The door crashed open and then there was yelling. “Frank? Frank!”  


There was a ringing buzzing so loudly through Frank’s ears he almost didn’t hear someone yelling his name. The warm metallic taste in his mouth was intoxicating, he couldn’t bring himself to pull back. It was so much better than any drug he had ever done. His name kept sounding loudly in the room, coming from two places at once. It wasn’t until he felt hands pulling against him that he began to realize what was happening. Frank’s body hit the ground with a crash, the light of the room causing him to squint. Mikey was standing over him, fear and shock painted across his face.  


“Mikey… Mikey… I,” Frank stuttered, the taste of blood was dissipating in his mouth and he realized what had happened. He looked up at Gerard, sat upright on the bed holding a hand to his shoulder, but there was red coming out from under his fingers. “Gee?” Frank had backed himself against the wall.  


Mikey was leaning close to Gerard. “Gee, what happened? Are you okay?” He was trying to move Gerard’s hand out of the way to survey the damage.  


“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Gerard was trying to push past Mikey and get to Frank, but Mikey wasn’t budging. “I don’t know what happened, it was only a few seconds. I’m okay. Frank, is Frank okay?”  


“Gee, please just sit down.” Mikey had both his hands on Gerard’s shoulders.  


“Frank, Frankie, are you okay?” Gerard yelled over Mikey’s shoulder.  


Frank couldn’t breathe, he was huddled in the corner, digging his nails into the palms of his hands until they bled. He tried to look up at Gerard, but his vision was blurry with tears. “I’m sorry… Gee, fuck, I’m so sorry.” He wanted to run as far away from here as possible. His biggest fear happened, he hurt Gerard. Suddenly the energy to move hit and he scrambled to his feet. To protect Gerard, he had to get out of there. As he was about to run for the door, Mikey grabbed his arm to stop him. Frank spun to face Mikey. “I have to go. I hurt Gee, I can’t hurt him again. Please, please, let me go. I’m a danger.”  


“Frank.” Mikey held tight. Frank was pulling weakly against Mikey’s grasp, but he wasn’t able to get away.  


“I can’t, I can’t stay here. I don’t want to hurt Gerard again.” Frank was sobbing now, trying desperately to fight Mikey off.  


“Listen!” Mikey yelled, suddenly stopping Frank’s fighting. “First, we are in your apartment. Second, this is just proof that you shouldn't be alone because you can’t control yourself right now.”  


“I don’t…” Frank muttered. He couldn’t keep fighting, he felt weak. “I’m so sorry.” Frank slumped back down to the floor.  


“Frankie,” Gerard was sitting on the edge of the bed, he was no longer holding his hand over the spot on his shoulder where Frank had bitten him.  


Frank looked up at Gerard, but he hadn’t been prepared to see the blood still fresh on his skin. That sick feeling of hunger began to rise again in the pit of his stomach again. He looked quickly down at his hands as the ringing began to start in his ears again. “Gee, the blood, I can’t look.”  


Gerard adjusted his shirt so that it covered the wound. “It’s covered, it’s okay now.” Gerard moved to crouch down in front of Frank.  


Frank tried to scoot back away from Gerard, but his back was already against the wall. “I don’t want to hurt you.”  


“You didn’t mean to.” Gerard scowled. “Frank, what happened?”  


“I don’t know, I wasn’t in control. I was in bed, listening to the birds. I had my head on your shoulder, then something happened, and.. And.. Everything was really bright, and there was this really intense ringing in my ears. I don’t remember biting you.” Frank was trying to stay calm, but he could hear the panic rising in his voice. “I didn’t mean to.”  


Mikey placed his hand on Gerard’s shoulder. “You didn’t mean to,” Mikey repeated.  


“What do I do? What now?” Frank looked nervously between Mikey and Gerard. The fear was rising in his throat, and he was scared that if he tried to speak again his voice would break. It was an uncontrollable fear of this monster inside of him that he seemed to have no real control over. The worst part was that he was beginning to wonder if maybe Mikey should have just let him die. “I can’t do this, I’m not strong enough.”  


Mikey squatted down next to Gerard. “This is the worst part, Frank, right now. I swear to God it gets easier from here, you have to trust me. What you’re going through is hell, I know, and it’s so fucking scary because there’s now a part of you that isn’t you, and you can’t control it. You learn to control it, you hold onto your humanity, because that’s the only way to be okay.”  


Frank was shaking. He looked from Mikey to Gerard, who was nodding along with what his brother was saying. Gerard and Mikey both stood, and Gerard held out a hand to Frank to help him up. Frank hesitated for a moment before taking it and slowly lifting himself off the floor. “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I’m-” His voice cracked. “I’m scared.”  


“I know.” Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand.  


“How bad is it?” Frank asked quietly, pointing to Gerard’s shoulder.  


“Not bad, it was only a few seconds.” Gerard gave him a small smile. “I’m fine, really.”  


Frank knew he couldn’t be in this room anymore, the walls were starting to feel like they were closing in around him. He gathered up a blanket off his bed, needing something comforting because he didn’t feel safe being close to Gerard right now. “Can we sit in the living room?”  


They all moved out to the living room, Frank curled up on one end of the couch, wrapped tightly in his blanket, Mikey sat on the other end. Gerard took the chair that was closest to Mikey. He tried to sit near Frank, but the look of fear on Frank’s face made him move away. For the first time in months, Gerard felt like there was suddenly a wall up between them, and that, to him, hurt so much more than the bite.  


“Can we watch TV?” Frank asked quietly, turning to look at Mikey who was fidgeting with the remote.  


“Yeah,” Mikey clicked it on and began scrolling through the channels until he found some idle reruns of Friends. Frank kind of hated that show, but right now he didn’t mind too much.  


They sat together, letting the time pass to the sound of canned laughter and cliche humor. Frank still didn’t know what to do with himself, the guilt was still high in his mind. He was mostly worried that sooner or later Gerard would decide that Frank no longer deserved forgiveness, that Gerard would see Frank the same way he say himself.  


Every once and a while Mikey would ask both of them if they were doing okay, and there would always be the same basic ‘yes’ responses.  


Mikey left to use the bathroom at one point, and Gerard desperately wanted to talk to Frank, but he felt so far away. He caught Frank looking at him more than once throughout the day, but any time Gerard tried to catch his eye, Frank would look away. While Mikey was out of the room Gerard finally got the confidence to say something. “Frankie,” He said quietly.  


Frank looked over at Gerard, the sadness in his eyes was palpable, much more so that Frank ever remembered seeing in the bar. “I’m sorry,” He whispered. He didn’t know what else to say. He was fine right now, he was in control, he felt safe, but what if that didn’t last?  


Gerard stood up and before he could think, sat down right next to Frank, who was visibly shocked.  


“Gee, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Frank squirmed away as much as he could, but it wasn’t far. “What if I hurt you again?”  


“You’re alive, Frank, that’s what’s important to me.” Gerard took one of Frank’s hands. “I love you, I meant it last night and I still mean it now.”  


The immediate surge of comfort that Gerard seemed to always cause washed over Frank, and his fears subsided for a second. “I love you too, and that’s why I’m so scared to hurt you. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened, Gee.” He didn’t want to admit that the underlying fear was that Gerard would grow to resent him. For a moment, though, even that fear was gone, because Gerard was pressing their lips together. Frank waited for it to happen, the hunger to wash over him, but it didn’t, it never came.  


Gerard pulled back to look at Frank, eyebrows drawn together. “Are you okay? I’m sorry. You were frozen.”  


Frank shook his head quickly. “I’m fine, Gee, I-” He stopped when he noticed Mikey standing in the entryway.  


“Is everything okay?” Mikey’s voice was tight and nervous.  


Gerard quickly turned around to face his brother. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He didn’t know how to explain to Mikey what happened.  


Mikey bit his lip, still not fully convinced. “Then what was,” He waved his hand around, “happening?”  


“A kiss,” Frank said simply. He gently pressed his finger tips to his lips.  


“And everything is okay?” Mikey asked, sitting down in the chair Gerard had previously been inhabiting.  


Frank knew that question was directed at him. “Yeah, I’m good.” Frank smiled to himself at his own tiny accomplishment. “I was in control.”  


Mikey smiled too. “That’s good.” He was still nervous about them being so close, but as long as he was there too, he knew he could protect Gerard.  


They went back to watching the TV, Gerard had moved a little bit away from Frank, at Frank’s own request, but they were still holding hands.  


Frank didn’t realize how much time had passed until he heard the key in the door, announcing Ray’s arrival home from work.  


“Hey, uh, I brought food home.” Ray held up a plastic bag that Frank recognized from the Chinese takeout place down the street. He set the bag down on the coffee table and sat in the chair closest to Frank. Ray made quick work of taking everything out and saying what it was as he set it down on the table. “So there’s rice, sweet and sour chicken, lo mein, mongolian beef, egg rolls, and vegetable fried rice for Frank.”  


Mikey ran to the kitchen to get plates and silverware. Once he had that passed out they all dug in and began eating.  


Frank didn’t bother taking a plate, he just took the box of fried rice and started poking at it with his fork. He realized very quickly why Mikey didn’t ever eat much. It wasn’t that the food didn’t look or smell good, he just didn’t feel hungry, at least not for this. He took a few bites here and there, but it was different.  


“So, how was the day here?” Ray asked after they were all a bit into their meals.  


Frank and Gerard both looked at Mikey, silently electing him as the one to tell Ray about everything.  


Mikey shook his head, but he started talking anyway. “Something happened earlier, Frank lost control for a bit, but it’s fine and no one got hurt.” Gerard and Frank both nodded in agreement. Mikey bit his lip, contemplating if he should say what he was thinking, but he knew it would help Frank to hear. “It’s a lot less than what I did my first day after being turned.”  


Gerard looked nervously at his brother. “Mikey, you don’t have to talk about that…” He knew that Mikey still felt guilty about what he had done, and the nightmares it still caused to this day.  


Mikey looked down at his watch. “At 10, that’ll be 24 hours after Frank was turned, that’ll be the end of the worst part.” Mikey looked between Frank and Gerard. “We get there, we get Frank through the worst of it, and then I’ll tell you what happened to me. Then you can really decide if you still think you’re not as good as me, Frank.”  


Frank looked at Ray to see if he knew about what happened to Mikey, but he just shook his head.  


They all finished eating, Frank closed his container that barely was missing any of its contents and let Ray take all the leftovers and put them away in the fridge. He kept a nervous eye on the clock, hoping that at 10 everything will just become instantly better, even though he knew that wasn’t actually what would happen. The hunger in the pit of his stomach was starting to grow again, and it was quickly making him scared. His proximity to Gerard was too much. “I need to lay down, just for a bit.” He stood suddenly, letting go of Gerard’s hand. He left the room quickly and slammed his bedroom door shut behind him.  


“I’m gonna follow him,” Gerard began to stand, but both Mikey and Ray shot up, holding their hands out, and saying “No,” at the same time.  


“I’ll check on him.” Mikey lowered his hand. Gerard nodded, hating that he knew it wasn’t a good idea for him to follow Frank. Mikey knocked on Frank’s door, but he didn’t wait for a response and just walked in, shutting the door again behind him.  


“Please leave, I don’t want to hurt you, Gee.” Frank was facing away from the door, his hands pressed over his eyes. “I need to be away from you, to protect you.”  


“It’s not Gerard,” Mikey said, sitting at the foot of the bed.  


Frank rolled over and let his hands fall away from his face. “Mikey,” He took a deep breath. “I hate that feeling, the hunger, especially when it’s aimed at Gerard. How do you make it stop?”  


“You don’t.” Mikey looked sadly down at Frank. “I hate it too. I feel it when I’m just at home with Gerard, or when Ray is visiting me at work, and it’s the worst part. That’s where the control comes in. You’ll never be able to make it stop, but you can get really good at ignoring it to the point where it doesn’t seem like it happens anymore.”  


“So what actually gets better tonight at 10?” Frank let out a short, bitter laugh.  


“The complete loss of control over yourself. Out of body, don’t know what’s happening, feral loss of control. That only happens in the first 24 hours.” Mikey rested a hand on Frank’s leg. “There will still be some loss of control at times, but what happened earlier, with Gerard, where you didn’t know what was happening, that’ll be done.”  


“Oh thank fuck,” Frank groaned.  


“But,” Mikey held up a hand, “You can still lose control, but you’ll be aware of it, more able to stop. When I accidentally hurt Gerard, that was a few weeks after I was turned.”  


Frank nodded. “Alright, I’m just going to stay in here then, until 10.”  


“Okay, I’ll knock then.” Mikey stood and left the room. He settled back into the chair he’d been in earlier. “He just wants to be alone until the 24 hours are passed.”  


Ray and Gerard nodded. They all went back to watching TV, although the show that wasn’t funny before was suddenly even less funny.  


Time seemed to move slower than usual, but at 10, Mikey made his way to Frank’s room. He knocked and waited for Frank to come out. Once they were all back in the living room, Frank nervously holding Gerard’s hand, Mikey took a deep breath and spoke. “I haven’t told anyone other than Gerard this, but I think it’ll help me to talk about it. Most of all, I think Frank needs to hear this. Ray, I hope this doesn’t change the way you think of me.”


	13. Chapter 13

~2 Years before~

Mikey and Gerard usually went to the bar together, but tonight Gerard said he just wanted to stay home and watch TV, so here Mikey was, alone. He drank the last of his drink and set the cup back down on the bar. Within a few minutes he was able to flag over the bartender so he could close his tab for the night. He’d been there for a few hours by now, and drinking alone felt a lot more depressing than drinking with his brother. After he got his card back and put his coat on, it was time to walk home. It wasn’t too far, only a couple of blocks, but it seemed much longer walking it alone. He lit a cigarette once he was out of the bar and started his journey, or what it should have been. He didn’t make it very far, only to the edge of the building, before something caught his attention. There was a sound coming from the alley that separated the bar from a dingy apartment building. It sounded like a kitten crying, and there was no way Mikey would just ignore that. He took a few steps forward, cursing himself for not having a flashlight. He followed the sound around the back of a dumpster, but there was nothing there. He shook his head, confused, and turned to head back out of the alley.  


His path was blocked by three people, Mikey was pretty sure they were men, but it was too dark to actually tell. “Hello?” He asked as they just continued to stare at him.  


“You don’t belong here,” One of the men said, taking a step forward. There wasn’t much light in the alley, but the street lamps behind the men briefly glinted on something in his hand. It only took Mikey a few seconds to know it was a knife.  


Mikey took a nervous step backwards, just trying to maintain the space between them. “I’m sorry, I can go.”  


“It’s too late now.” The man took a few more steps forward. He was readjusting his grip on the knife.  


“Please,” Mikey whispered, he knew he sounded pathetic. He kept talking steps back with every step the man took towards him. It wasn’t long before he hit the back wall of the alley. The bricks felt rough against his skin, but that didn’t stop him from pressing himself against it as much as he could. He could feel the heat rushing over his face, and then the tears were forming in his eyes. He was going to die here, alone. “I don’t know what I did.”  


“You didn’t do anything.” The man pressed the side of the knife to Mikey’s neck. “But we gotta eat.”  


Mikey tried to scream as the blade bit into his skin, but there was suddenly another man there, holding his hand over Mikey’s mouth, muffling any sound. The man with the knife had moved the blade out of the way and now had his face against Mikey’s neck. At first, Mikey couldn’t figure out what was happening, why he was doing what he was, but then Mikey felt the sharp piercing of teeth entering his skin, followed by the cold rush of blood leaving his body. The man covering Mikey’s mouth bit down into the wrist closest to him. The third man was there in a moment, biting down into Mikey’s other wrist.  


“Please,” Mikey pleaded when the hand was off his mouth. He was shivering, and he didn’t know if it was from fear or the cold or the blood loss. He tried to fight the men off and scream again, but his muscles weren’t cooperating. There was darkness beginning to creep into the edges of his vision, and he knew he would lose consciousness soon. He was able to whisper “I don’t- please don’t let me die,” Before the man moved the knife again and plunged it into Mikey’s stomach.  


Mikey was on the ground, but he didn’t know how he got there. Two of the men were gone, but the one with the knife was still there, crouching over Mikey.  


“You’re gonna wish you hadn’t said that.” The man said, before biting back into the other side of Mikey’s neck.  


This time it wasn’t cold, it felt like fire was ripping it’s way through Mikey’s veins. His brain was too numb to scream, the pain was too much. It wasn’t long, maybe a few minutes, and the man pulled away from Mikey. He swiped the blood of his lip with his thumb and stood.  


Mikey looked up at him, shocked and scared and in more pain than he had ever felt before. “What did you do to me?” He asked, his voice hoarse.  


Before the man could answer, the other two from before came back, struggling to push a woman into the alley. Her eyes were wide with fear and there was a bandana tied around her mouth, gagging her so she couldn’t scream. Mikey briefly recognized her as someone he’d seen in the bar earlier that night.  


“You’re like us now.” The man with the knife smiled. “Not quite alive, not quite dead, not quite human. You’re a vampire, and now you get to do what we’re made to do. Eat.” The man walked up to the woman and cut a long line into her forearm. Blood began to pool out immediately. The two men holding her pushed her forward into the alley, causing her to stubble and land almost on top of Mikey.  


The sight and smell of blood was intoxicating, more alluring to Mikey than anything else he had ever been around. He tried to back away, he tried desperately to believe it wasn’t true, that vampires aren’t real, but he couldn’t hold back for long. There was an animal like power inside of him now, something he wasn’t completely in control of. He leapt forward, sinking his newly sharp teeth into the already open wound on the girl’s forearm. The warm, metallic taste of blood filled his mouth, and it was the best thing he thought he’d ever tasted. His head began to swim, a feeling somewhere between drunk, and being high on every drug at once, without all the bad side effects. It was pure euphoria. He pulled away, just for a second, so he could bite down again on her neck, severing the carotid artery so he could get the blood even faster. He heard laughing, he knew it was coming from the men behind him. They were leaving, leaving him in the alley to take this woman’s life. It didn’t take long, eventually the blood flow slowed and he could no longer feel a pulse beneath his fingertips pressed to her chest.  


Mikey looked down at her. She was covered in her own blood that Mikey had smeared across her clothes and skin. Her eyes were stuck open, frozen in horror. Reality was starting to set back in around Mikey. He was kneeling there, on the dirty ground, covered in both his own blood and someone else's. This wasn’t him, this wasn’t human, he’d never even hit another person, and now he had killed someone. He used a shaking hand to close her eyes and give her some form of rest or peace. He didn’t mean to do this, he never asked for this. Mikey kept staring down at his hands, his hands that had someone else’s blood on them, in both the literal and figurative sense. He got to his feet slowly, the whole time staring at his blood covered hands. He carefully lifted the girl’s body and placed it out of view from the sidewalk. Someone would eventually find her, and that’s what Mikey wanted, her to be able to get buried. He began pacing in the alley. He wasn’t human anymore, he didn’t know who he was, but he knew he had to get out of there. He knew he couldn’t walk home, not looking like this. He huddled under the fire escape and was about to pull out his phone when he saw the man with the knife was staring at him from the side of a dumpster.  


“Please, just leave me alone,” Mikey pleaded, pushing himself back further against the wall.  


“You can’t stay here. Someone will find you with the body, you’ll go to jail, you won’t be able to survive there.” His voice was sickly sweet as he began advancing towards Mikey.  


“Let me go home.” Mikey slid his phone back into his pocket. He knew shit was about to happen, and he didn’t want to lose his only chance of reaching safety.  


The man clicked his tongue. “Nope, I can’t do that.” The knife flashing in the streetlights a second before the blunt end connected with Mikey's skull, knocking him unconscious.

\-----

Mikey came to in a dark room, he could feel his hands tied behind his back. “Hello?” He asked into the darkness. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket. He knew it was his brother calling, probably worried about where he was, but he couldn’t reach his phone.  


“You think,” Mikey heard a voice behind him, he immediately recognized it as the man from before. “That I would just turn you for free? No, now you have to choose. Either you work for me, or I kill you, for good this time.”  


Mikey’s head was spinning. The thought of working with the person who did this to him was disgusting, whatever working for him would entail, but the thought of dying again, leaving his brother, that was worse. “I’ll do it.” He spat out before he could reconsider.  


“Good,” The man responded quickly and began untying Mikey.  


For a moment, Mikey thought about just running then, seeing how far he could get, but he knew that wouldn’t work. He stood and turned to face the man, who was still holding the same bloody knife. “What do I do?”  


The man held the handle of the knife out to Mikey. “Just give me some of your blood, so I knew you can’t turn on me.”  


Mikey took the knife and held it carefully over his wrist. He hesitated for a moment, and in that second, something took over him again that he couldn’t control. He readjusted his grip on the knife, and just as he was about to pierce his skin, he lunged at the other man, stabbing him between his ribs, right where he knew his heart was. “You took my life,” Mikey pulled out the knife and then plunged it into his throat. “I’m taking yours.” Mikey lost count of the number of times he drove the knife into the man’s body, but once he stopped moving, he knew the man was dead. There was blood everywhere, and that same animalistic instinct that took over Mikey in the alley, took over him again. He bit deep into the man’s throat. His blood wasn’t sweet, it was bitter, but that didn’t stop Mikey, because it still brought that same euphoric feeling.  


Suddenly, he knew he had to leave, the two other guys had to be around somewhere and they would definitely try to kill him for what he’d just done. He shot to his feet and looked around the room until he found a door. He pulled it open and found himself back in the alley. The door he came out of was on the back wall. He could see the sun was just setting, and he realized he must have been knocked out for almost a whole day. He huddled himself back up under the fire escape and pulled out his phone to call his brother.  


“Gee?” Mikey hadn’t realized he’d been crying until he heard it in his own voice. “I’m scared.”  


“Mikey, what’s going on? I’ve called you like, 20 times. Where are you?” Gerard’s voice was panicked.  


“I need you to come get me. I’m in the alley behind the bar.” Mikey kept nervously watching for people, terrified that someone would find him. “Come fast.”  


“I’m on my way,” Gerard said, and the sound of clattering keys was not far behind. “It’s gonna be okay.”  


“Okay.” Mikey hung up the phone. He needed silence, partially so no one would hear him, and partially so he could think. Hundreds of thoughts were running through his head, but the most resounding one was, why me? Gerard was there in a matter of minutes. He left the car running parked on the street right next to the entrance of the alley.  


“Mikey?” He called nervously into the dark. He spotted Mikey under the fire escape. “Mikey, are you okay?”  


“No,” Mikey whispered as he stood.  


Gerard got a good look at him for the first time. His clothes were completely covered in blood as well as his face. Gerard gasped and stumbled backwards. “What happened?”  


“You have to get me home. I’ll explain in the car, but we need to leave.” Mikey took a step towards Gerard. He stumbled a little, and his brother caught him easily and led him to the car. Mikey lowered himself into the passenger seat and waited for Gerard to get in himself.  


Once the car was moving, Gerard again asked, “What happened?” He was tightly gripping the steering wheel, an instant sign to Mikey that Gerard was scared.  


“I heard something, and then I was cornered in the alley.” The words began spilling out of Mikey at the same rate he was crying at. “There were these guys, three of them. One of them had a knife, and he threatened me, and he cut my neck. And, Gee, I know you’re not going to believe this, but you have to, please just try and believe me. He bit me, and then the other two did too. Gee, they drank my blood. I knew it sounds stupid to say, but they were vampires. I tried to yell and fight and I couldn’t, and then he stabbed me, in the stomach. I was pleading for my life, Gee, and he said I was going to regret that. I didn’t know what that meant, but then he bit me again, and it was hot this time, like fire going through my veins. It was poison. He said I’m not human anymore, that I’m one of them, that I’m a vampire, but that’s impossible. Vampire’s aren’t real.” Mikey was shaking. He was staring out the front window as he spoke, scared to even look at his brother in fear that he would think Mikey was crazy.  


“Mikey,” Gerard said quietly, but Mikey cut him off.  


“Gee, That’s not it. I- They brought someone there, a girl. After I came back to, after I was changed. They cut her arm open and threw her at me. I-” Mikey choked on a sob, but he wouldn’t stop. He had to tell his brother exactly what he’d done, exactly what a terrible person he had become in a matter of a few hours. “I couldn’t help myself, I wasn’t in control. Gerard, I bit her, I drank her blood, and I couldn’t stop. Gee… I killed her. I didn’t mean to, god, it was an accident I swear. I don’t know what I am, I don’t know why they did this to me. I didn’t even know her, and she’s dead, Jesus fuck, I killed her, I did that. I can never undo that, and now what? What am I? I’m a monster, I’m a killer. I didn’t want this. I’m scared, Gee, I’m so fucking scared. And I tried to call you last night, but the same man was back, he hit me, he knocked me out. I woke up and I was tied up in a dark room. He told me if I didn’t work for him, doing god knows what, he was gonna kill me. Gee, I didn’t want to die again, I couldn’t do that again, I couldn’t leave you alone. I said I’d work for him, I didn’t really mean it, but I had to. Then, something took over me again, I wasn’t in control. I stabbed him, so many times. I was so scared he wasn’t actually dead. And then I ran.” Mikey was all out sobbing at this point, furiously rubbing his hands over his eyes to try and stop the flow of tears. He hadn’t realized that the car had stopped and they were parked outside their apartment. He looked over at Gerard who was just watching him.  


“I’m sorry.” Gerard whispered, and of all the things he could have said, this was one that Mikey didn’t expect.  


“You’re sorry, why?” Mikey watched his brother’s face curiously, looking for any sign of reason for apologizing.  


“I’m sorry I wasn’t at the bar with you, this wouldn’t have happened.” Gerard shook his head. “Mikey, I don’t know what to do or say. Ten minutes ago, I thought vampires were fake, so I’m a little lost for words. But, what I can say is that I know you, and you’re not a monster, and I believe you that it was an accident.”  


Mikey shook his head fiercely. “Gee, why?”  


“Mikey, from what you just told me, you went through something I could never imagine, you were in shock.” Gerard placed a hand on Mikey’s knee. “Let’s get you cleaned up, and then we can see what first aid you need.” Gerard moved his hand and got out of the car. He waited on the sidewalk for Mikey to join him.  


Mikey was still in shock, but slowly he got himself out of the car, and with Gerard safely by his side, made his way back into their apartment. Once they were inside, he made his way to the bathroom as quickly as possible. The blood was drying on his skin and he wanted that reminder of the past day cleaned off as quickly as possible. He undressed quickly, and while he was waiting for the water to get warm, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. There was a straight line where the knife cut into his skin on his neck, and a smattering of bite marks on both sides of his neck and on his wrists. The shocking part was that they were all already scars, not scabs, but shiny, slightly raised, but fully healed scars. The spot where the knife went into his stomach was also pretty much completely healed, although that one still liked a little red.  


He showered quickly, mostly focusing on getting the blood off his skin and out of his hair. He took extra time running his fingers over the new scars on his neck, silently wishing he could wash them away as easily as the blood. He changed into clean clothes in his room, and it was almost surreal how normal putting on sweatpants and a t-shirt felt right now, it was so mundane, so human. His brother was waiting for him in the living room, staring blankly at the dark TV. It took him a moment to notice that Gerard was crying. “Gee, I-” Mikey stopped himself, he didn’t know what to say. There were no words that could make sense of anything going through his mind, but the closest he could get was saying simply, “I’m scared.”  


Gerard turned to look at Mikey. He looked so normal, hair wet and messy, a nervous look partially hidden behind glasses. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. What happened, Mikey, you don’t deserve this, and, and you died, or almost died, and I am so, so sorry. I should have been there. I shouldn’t have let you go alone, if I was there, maybe this wouldn’t have happened.” Gerard sighed. “I don’t know much, about all this, but I will do whatever I can to help you.”  


Mikey sat down on the couch next to Gerard and took a hold of one of his hands. “This isn’t your fault.” Mikey bit down on his lip. “I’m worried, I don’t know what to think. Gerard, I couldn’t do this alone. I was alone for what? A day? and I- someone died because of me, two people died. I’m not safe. I’m dangerous to be around.”  


“Mikey.” Gerard pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are not dangerous, you lost control. I’ll do research, I’ll figure out what to do. We’ll get through this together.”  


Mikey nodded. “Thanks, Gee.” He closed his eyes to think.” I feel sick, it’s all just been too much, I’m gonna try to sleep.”  


“Me too,” Gerard said, but he made no motion to move, he knew he wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.


	14. Chapter 14

As soon as Mikey finished speaking, Gerard stood and moved to his brother, pulling him tightly into a hug.  


Frank sat silently. He felt a pang of guilt for how many times he whined to Mikey over the past day, realizing now that what happened to him was nothing compared to what Mikey had gone through. He pulled his feet up onto the couch and hugged his knees against his chest.  


Ray wordlessly stood from his chair and walked over to the window, staring out into the night. Mikey was watching him nervously, worried now that Ray knew the truth about the horrible things Mikey had done, he would never look at him the same. A few minutes passed where everyone was just looking at Ray, waiting for him to do or say something, before he finally slammed the side of his fist against the window frame and turned around. His eyes were red. “This,” Ray’s voice cracked and he paused for a moment to try and level out his breathing. “This all happened to you, right outside our apartment, right outside our window, and you never told me?” He looked at Mikey sadly for a moment. “I- Man, I would’ve fucking moved. Now I know why you can never sleep at night here.”  


Maybe moving wouldn’t be such a bad idea, after what happened at the bar too now, Frank thought to himself. “Wait,” He looked up at Mikey and was quiet when he asked, “Are they still there, like, working from that building?”  


“No,” Gerard said quickly, “We were worried about that for a while, but Mikey and I went back eventually and it was completely cleared out. I think once the main guy was gone everyone else just scattered.”  


After a minute, Ray sat back down. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked Mikey.  


Mikey was looking down at his hands as he spoke. “I was worried that if you knew what I’d done, you’d hate me.”  


“Jesus, Mikey,” Ray shook his head. “I know you, that- It would take a whole lot more than a momentary loss of control and you acting in fear to make me hate you.”  


Mikey nodded dully, even though he didn’t completely understand why Ray felt that way about him.  


“Thank you, for telling me about that.” Frank gave a half-hearted smile to Mikey. “It really does get better.”  


“It really does.” Mikey agreed, returning the smile, but it dropped quickly. He turned to face Ray. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, you deserved to know.”  


Ray shook his head. “I’m not mad, Mikey.”  


“Okay,” Mikey whispered, not able to come up with a better response.  


Gerard was idly brushing Mikey’s hair, but he stopped when Frank curled in on himself even more, resting his forehead against his knees. Gerard knew he was probably mentally spiralling again. He watched Frank carefully for a few minutes before walking over and placing his hand gently on the back of Frank’s neck and quietly asked, “Frankie?”  


Frank looked up at Gerard, and for the first time that day, he looked completely exhausted. “I don’t ever want to go back to that fucking bar.” He dropped his head back to his knees.  


Gerard began rubbing small circles at the top of Frank’s back, humming quietly as he tried to come up with a response. Finally, he lowered himself onto the couch so he could wrap an arm around Frank’s shoulder, pulling him closer. “You don’t have to go back,” He said into Frank’s hair.  


Frank looked up again, regret written on his face. “I can’t quit, I have to keep working,” His gaze shot to the floor where Ray’s feet were planted. “I have to repay Ray.”  


“Frank,” Ray frowned, “You should know by now that your safety and well being is more important to me than your money.”  


“I know,” Frank believed that Ray felt that way, but it was his own mind that didn’t believe he was deserving of that. “But I’m already too indebted to you.”  


“God dammit.” There was agitation building behind the sadness in Ray’s voice. Frank was looking directly at Ray now, but he was taken aback and pressed himself tightly against Gerard. “Frank, you, you and Mikey, you both do this thing where you just have to feel guilty about everything for some reason, and I just don’t get it anymore. What you’ve both gone through, it’s terrible, I want to be there, I want to help, just let me help. You have to let me help.” Gerard moved to say something but Ray cut him off. “You don’t get to say anything either, Gerard, you’re just as bad. All of you with your martyr complexes and need to be tortured souls, we’re better if we take care of each other and I know you all know that.”  


Frank glanced between Mikey and Gerard, who were both looking at the ground in minor embarrassment. “I just don’t want to be a burden,” He almost whispered.  


Ray was quiet again when he responded. “I know, I know.” He pushed himself back into the chair and rubbed his hands over his face. “You’ll find another job, I’ve got the rent until then. I’d cover the rent for years if it meant I’d never have to see you like that again. I’ve seen you close to death too many times, man.”  


“Thank you.” Frank was actively trying not to get emotional, so he let Gerard pull him closer, burying his face against Gerard’s chest. He spoke against Gerard’s shirt, “I’ll call Aimee tomorrow.”  


After what was probably close to 15 minutes of silence, Frank finally pulled himself away from Gerard.  


Ray was kneeling on the floor in front of Mikey, holding his hands gently. “Are you doing okay?”  


Mikey looked towards the window, he could barely make out the bricks on the other side of the alley. “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for what I did, I’ll never be able to get those images out of my head.” He squeezed his eyes shut, then looked down at Ray. “But, I feel lighter. I don’t feel like I’m deceiving you or hiding who I am, you see me as I truly am.”  


“You don’t look any different to me.” Ray’s face softened into a gentle smile, and that caused Mikey to also smile a little. He nodded one last time at Mikey and got to his feet, turning out to address the whole room. “So, I think we can all agree that this apartment, given its vicinity to the bar and the alley, is the absolute last place we want to be right now. I’d say Gerard and Mikey’s place, but Mikey was stabbed there too.” The other three all nodded in agreement and Ray paused a moment to think. “Do you guys just want to get a hotel, just for the night?”  


Gerard began to thrum excitedly on the couch. “Ohhh, yes!”  


Frank had to stifle his laugh at how excited Gerard was getting over the prospect of a hotel, like it was some kind of novelty. It did worlds to comfort Frank. “It might be nice. To be fair, I doubt I’ll sleep much either way, but the distance sounds nice.”  


Ray turned to Mikey, awaiting his response.  


“I agree with Frank.” Mikey adjusted in his chair. “Both in that I probably will barely sleep regardless, and that it’s good to get away from where everything happened, for all of us.”  


“It’s settled. There’s a pretty nice hotel on 17th.” He pointed at Gerard. “Do you and Mikey want to head to your apartment, get some of your stuff together, and meet there in 20?”  


Gerard was a little nervous about them being apart, but he figured 20 minutes wouldn’t be too bad. “Sounds good.” He looked down at Frank, who was finally starting to relax against him. He placed one hand carefully against Frank’s jaw and bent down to brush a soft kiss across his lips.  


They all began to get up and exchange quick ‘see you later’s, before Mikey and Gerard were out the door.  


“Frankie?” Ray asked when he noticed Frank wasn’t really moving to get his own things together.  


“Yeah?” Frank looked sleepily over at Ray.  


“Are you going to be okay? So much has happened so quickly, and I know it’s been a lot.” Ray clasped his hands in front of him.  


“It’s weird,” Frank mused, “I keep flipping between nothing feeling real and being completely terrified, but I’m kind of in the middle right now, I know it’s real, but I’m not quite as scared.”  


“That’s something.” Ray nodded. He watched Frank for another moment before saying, “Let’s get our stuff together.”  


Frank moved into his room. He didn’t have a suitcase or even a duffle bag, for that matter. When he moved in with Ray he was keeping his stuff in trash bags. He grabbed a backpack from the corner of his room and dumped out what was in it from the last time he’d actually packed before spending the night at Gerard’s. He grabbed the first clothes he could reach in his drawers, shoving it all haphazardly into the backpack. He went to the bathroom and quickly threw in his toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, and just to be safe, a box of bandaids. As an afterthought he ran back into his room and threw in a pair of boxers and a pair of socks. He was just lacing up his shoes on the couch when Ray came into the room, holding his suitcase.  


“Ready to go?” Ray asked.  


Frank nodded and they both headed for the door. They both were wary when they left the building, both continuing to look over their shoulders back at the alley and the bar. Once they were in the car, Frank released the tension in his shoulders he didn’t even realize he was holding. Every mile that got between him and the bar he felt calmer, the air even felt lighter.  


Ray pulled into a large, open parking lot. He parked near the back of the lot and left the car running as they waited for Mikey and Gerard to pull up. Eventually, Mikey pulled into the spot right next to Ray’s car. They all gathered their bags up and made their way into the hotel together. Ray went to the desk and began talking to the receptionist. She was immediately smiling, that was just the effect Ray had on people. The other three sat in the couches in the lobby, all awkwardly hugging their various forms of luggage. After a while, Ray returned, holding two sets of key cards. He handed one pair to Gerard. “For you and Mikey. The rooms are right next to each other, and the receptionist says it’s the kind that has the little door that connects them.”  


Gerard flipped the key cards over in his hand. He nervously looked at Frank, and then at his brother, who nodded, knowing exactly what Gerard was thinking. “Or maybe, if it’s okay,” He mumbled, “Frankie could stay with me, and you and Mikey could share a room.”  


Frank blinked a few times, a little worried about what Gerard was suggesting, seeing as what happened this morning. “Are you sure? Will it be okay?”  


“I think so,” Mikey said with a shrug. “Anyway, we’ll be just a door away.”  


“That’s fine with me, obviously that setup is pretty normal for us at this point.” Ray laughed. “Frank, what do you think?”  


Frank grabbed one of Gerard’s hands and squeezed it twice. “That would be nice.” He didn’t mention the feeling of comfort that washed over him the second he was holding Gerard’s hand.  


The rooms were really nice, Frank thought, they were clean and structured while still feeling comfortable. Right away, he opened the doorway between the two rooms and they all gathered on the bed and couch in Gerard and Frank’s room. The last time Frank was in a hotel was right after his car accident, and it wasn’t nearly as nice as this one, and much more lonely.  


After a few hours together, interacting in what felt like the most mundane way the four of them have ever spent time together, Mikey yawned and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “I’m exhausted.” He admitted, almost shocked that he was the first one that wanted to go to bed.  


Gerard smiled at his brother. “Get some sleep, lord knows you barely ever actually do.”  


Mikey playfully swung at him, but his hand only barely made contact. He shrugged at his attempt before standing and pulling weakly on Ray’s arm, trying to get him to go to bed too. He whispered something in Ray’s ear before yawning again.  


Ray rolled his eyes, but stood anyway. “Mikey thinks you two should get some alone time.” Ray said once he was in the doorway. That was, in fact, not what Mikey whispered to Ray, but he couldn’t help himself but let them both know that he knew about them. He quickly shut the door dividing the rooms before Mikey could protest that that wasn’t what he said at all.  


Gerard was giggling slightly at his brother when he started digging through his duffle bag. “I’m gonna put on pajamas, just to be comfy.”  


“Good idea.” Frank rolled over and started digging through his own bag. After he basically dumped all the contents on the floor and still couldn’t find what he was looking for, he said to the ground, “Shit, I didn’t grab a shirt to sleep in… I guess I can just sleep in the one I’m wearing…”  


“That’s okay. Here,” Gerard threw a shirt at him and it landed on Frank’s side. “I figured… You’ve said in the past you feel safer when we're close, so I brought an extra one of my T-shirts, The Misfits one, I know it’s your favorite, for you to sleep in.”  


Frank grabbed the shirt and carefully examined it, running his fingertips over the worn design. He loved the way the fabric felt, it was so soft from how many times it had to have been washed over the years Gerard had owned it. “Thank you,” He said, his voice smaller than he had expected. He slid the rest of the way off the bed and changed quickly, pulling the pair of grey sweatpants off the floor. He got back onto the bed and began idly running his fingers over the hem of the shirt, playing with the same loose threads that he always watched Gerard fiddle with as well.  


Gerard flopped down onto the bed next to Frank. Frank looked over to meet his gaze and Gerard smiled at him and brushed the hair away from his eyes. “You seem calmer.”  


“I feel calmer.” Frank agreed with a grin. It wasn’t completely better, he was still scared and in pain and overwhelmed, but right now was the most normal he felt since being turned. “The distance is nice. Between us and the bar.”  


“Yeah,” Gerard agreed. He was laying on his back so he could look up at the ceiling. Frank decided to mimic him. Gerard brushed over the surface of the bed until his fingers reached Frank’s hand, which he wrapped up within his own. He brought Frank’s hand up to his mouth and placed small kisses over the back of each knuckle. He smiled to himself, “I think Ray knows about us.”  


Frank laughed, “I think you might be right.” He looked over at Gerard, who was using his free hand to trace over the lines of the tattoos on Frank’s wrist. “I don’t mind.”  


Gerard rolled onto his side and slid closer to Frank, still holding his hand gently to his lips. He wanted to kiss Frank, really, he always wanted to kiss Frank, but it was raw right now. He left one more kiss on Frank’s fingertips before releasing his hand so he could reach Frank’s face. His skin was cooler than it used to be, but not ice cold like the vampires in books, just like someone who went outside in the winter with no gloves on.  


Frank made up the last bit of distance between him and Gerard, gently pressing their lips together. He wished there was a way to bottle the feeling of kissing Gerard, because there wasn’t another thing in the world that made him feel the same way. He let his fingers trail over Gerard’s neck and around to the back of his head, getting tangled in messy black hair. He gasped a little at the feeling of Gerard’s tongue gently parting his lips. It always shocked him, just how Gerard did everything so naturally, like the way he would slowly drag his tongue over Frank’s lip ring. Gerard’s warm body pressed against Frank’s was the most comforting feeling in the world, Frank thought. Gerard placed a hand on the small of Frank’s back, pulling him closer. Frank hadn’t realized his shirt had ridden up, so the sudden warmth of skin on his back caused the hair to prick up on the back of his neck.  


Gerard could feel Frank’s breath quicken, which only encouraged him to gently graze his fingertips up Frank’s spine, landing his hand between Frank’s shoulder blades. He could feel Frank part his lips against his own mouth in an attempt to steady his breathing.  


Without thinking, Frank removed his hand from Gerard’s hair and slowly slid it down over his chest, letting it settle again on Gerard’s hip, his thumb caught in the waistband of his sweatpants. For a moment, this was exactly what he wanted, what he’d been wanting to do for a while, but then his stomach tightened and he pulled back a little, causing Gerard to flutter his eyes open and look quizzically at Frank. “I- I can’t,” Frank breathed.  


Gerard quickly removed his hand from Frank’s back and held it in a loose fist against his own chest. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with, I guess I shouldn’t have assumed.” He went quiet, eyes sad and nervous.  


“No, no,” Frank said quickly, irritated with himself more than anything. He held Gerard’s hand, slowly entangling their fingers. “It’s not that I’m uncomfortable, Gee, I want to, but after this morning, I don’t want to risk hurting you like that again. It’s too dangerous.”  


Gerard bit his lip while he thought, then slowly nodded. “I’m sorry, Frankie, that you’re going through this. I wish there was more I could do.”  


“You could,” Frank said quietly. “I think I just want to be close tonight, I just feel safer when we’re close.”  


“Okay,” Gerard agreed. He pulled away for a moment, just to switch off the lights, then pulled Frank tightly against him. Frank had rolled over, so he was facing the other way, his back was pressed tightly against Gerard’s chest. Gerard wrapped both his arms around Frank’s waist, holding him as close as possible. “Comfortable?” He asked into the back of Frank’s neck.  


“More than I’ve been a while.” It wasn’t a lie. Frank nestled his head into Gerard’s shoulder. “I love you.”  


“I love you, too.” Gerard kissed Frank’s neck. “Try to get some sleep.”  


“I will.” Frank smiled lightly and let his eyes drift shut, and for the first time, when his eyes closed the scene of his death wasn’t waiting for him, just darkness and the warmth of Gerard’s embrace.


	15. Chapter 15

Mikey dropped down onto the bed with a groan. He stared up at the ceiling, trying his hardest not to worry about his brother in the other room.  


Ray lowered himself on the bed next to Mikey and placed a hand on his thigh. “What did you want to talk about?” He asked. What Mikey had actually whispered in his ear in the other room was that there was something he wanted to talk about.  


“You said I don’t look any different to you,” Mikey started, eyes still fixed on the ceiling. “How is that possible? Ray, in layman’s terms, I’m a murderer. I killed two people, one innocent, one questionable, but I still killed them.”  


“Mikey,” Ray shook his head, “It’s different,-”  


“How?” Mikey yelled, cutting Ray off. “How am I any different than the guy who stabbed Frank two days ago?”  


Ray was quiet for a moment as he watched Mikey carefully. “You didn’t mean to.”  


“But it happened.” Mikey still wouldn’t make eye contact. His hands were starting to shake, so he held them in tight fists pressed to his sides. “Sure it was an accident, but I still did it. I couldn’t stop myself.”  


“I know, it happened, but it’s not-” Ray paused. “You didn’t know what was happening, you said it yourself.”  


Mikey closed his eyes. “I remember the blood, I remember biting her. I was there when it happened, somewhere, out of control but still present. I left her there, in that alley.”  


“What do you want me to say?” Ray tightened his grip on Mikey’s leg. “Do you want me to say I think you’re a murderer? Because I can’t. I will never be able to look at you and think that. I will never see you as a killer. I know you, Mikey, I know you well enough. What happened, that wasn’t you. You are the guy who was apprehensive to let me save his life, that’s not a killer. That’s just not what I see when I look at you.”  


“Well what do you see, because I’d sure as hell like to see that when I look in the mirror.” Mikey finally looked at Ray.  


Ray laid back on the bed next to Mikey, releasing his leg and instead electing to hold his hand. He thought for a moment of all the things he thought of when he looked at Mikey: beautiful, stunning, striking, breathtaking, but the words swimming through his mind didn’t seem right for the moment. He reached his free hand up and carefully straightened Mikey’s glasses before speaking. “I see someone that caused me to buy games I wasn’t even interested in playing, just so I could spend time around you. I see someone that loves their brother to no end and would do anything to protect him, and wants nothing but happiness for him. At the thought of your brother losing someone he cared about, you put aside your own personal reserves to save him. I see a friend that is choosing to do whatever you can to make sure that Frank doesn’t have to go through the same pain you went through, and to protect him from the nightmares that follow you.”  


Ray ran his thumb along Mikey’s jaw. “I never knew what they were about, but I know about every time the nightmares woke you up. All the times I woke up to you sneaking out of the room because you couldn’t sleep. All the times I woke up to you thrashing and muttering, when you were trapped in the dream that you couldn’t wake up from. I’d heard you pleading for your life more than a few times. All the times I’d feel you curl up closer, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. You can’t undo the past, but you’ve been paying for it mentally for the past two years. I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me sooner because I see you differently now, I wish you would have told me sooner so I could help. I spent so many nights wondering what the nightmares were about, wanting to ask but knowing it wasn’t my place, I wanted to know so I could do something.”  


“Ray,” Mikey covered Ray’s hand with his own, trapping it against his face. “I spent the better part of the last two years wishing they would have just left me to die in that alley. I’d come to the conclusion that Gee would have been better off without me, the way that I am now. I figured, better dead than a vampire, and I really believed that for a long time. At some point I changed my mind. It was when you admitted that you didn’t have an Xbox, even though the past four games you bought were Xbox games. That was when I realized you were coming to the store, sometimes, just to visit me.” His mouth twitched in a short smile. “When Frank was dying, I knew at some point he’d wish for the same thing, that I would have just let him die. But the way he was looking at Gerard right before he passed out, I knew something. Being a vampire would be better than being dead, because he’d get to spend more time with Gee. I understood it, because it happened to me. Being a vampire isn’t so bad, because if I was dead, I would have never met you.”  


Ray opened his mouth to respond, but Mikey put his hand up to stop him. He had to say everything he needed to right now, or he was never going to get the courage again. “I didn’t tell you what happened to me, because I was so scared you were going to hate me. I was scared you were going to see me as I saw myself, a monster and a killer. When I told that story tonight, I still feared the same thing. I knew that Frankie needed to hear it, to get him through the next few weeks. On top of that, I knew you deserved to know, you deserved to know the truth about the person you were sharing so much of your life with. I care about you more than anyone else I’ve met.”  


Ray knew if he let Mikey, he could go on all night. There was something stirring in his chest, quickening every time Mikey pulled his eyebrows down to think, or closed his eyes for a moment when he said something that was hard for him. Frank and Mikey were Ray’s best friends, but the way he felt when he looked at Mikey was very different from Frank. A thought flashed through his mind as he watched Mikey plan the next part of his speech, and he went for it before a second thought. He used his hand already on Mikey’s cheek to pull them together in a soft, sweet kiss. Ray pulled back quickly, suddenly very aware of what he did. A blush was rising in his cheeks when he asked quietly, “Was that right?”’  


“Uh,” Mikey blinked rapidly, slightly shocked and in awe of what just happened. Ray, the person Mikey had spent months hiding his past from in fear of losing him. Ray, that just learned about everything and was still here, right in front of Mikey. The thoughts were shooting through his head so fast he couldn’t catch onto any of them. He noticed that Ray was starting to look sad and dejected, and shit, Mikey had to say something soon. He wasn’t fully processing everything, but he couldn’t handle looking at Ray, so raw and open, so he blurted out the first half-baked thought he could get out. “Yeah? I think so.”  


“You think so?” Ray repeated, sliding his hand off Mikey’s face.  


“I don’t know. A few hours ago I thought you were going to hate me, this is kind of unexpected. I like you.” Mikey squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his hands over his face under his glasses. “I don’t have anything to offer you. I still don’t feel like a complete person, I don’t feel fully human. I’m just barely processing my past. I can’t be what you deserve.”  


“Mikey,” Ray held Mikey’s hand. “This isn’t- I’m not asking for anything. I don’t need anything in return. I’m offering to go through this with you, so you don’t have to do it alone.”  


Mikey bowed his head. “I wish I could be more, for you, for Frank, for my brother.” He looked back up at Ray. “I wish the nightmares would stop.”  


Ray gently rearranged Mikey’s hair, getting it to lay back like he usually had it. “I wish the nightmares would stop for you too.”  


“Can we go to bed?” Mikey squeezed Ray’s hand. “It’s been a really long few days.” Ray just nodded and they both began to move about the room, opening their bags and finding clothes to sleep in. They took turns at the little sink, brushing their teeth before returning to the bed, this time under the covers. Mikey folded up his glasses and placed them on the bedside table. Out of curiosity he pulled open the drawer and stared down at the bible.  


After a few minutes of Mikey just staring into his bedside drawer, Ray sat up and placed his hand on Mikey’s back. “What is it?”  


Mikey turned to look at Ray. “In all those stories and vampire movies, crosses and bibles burn vampires, right?”  


“Yeah, I believe so, why?” Ray rubbed Mikey’s back.  


“Gee and I weren’t really religious before I was turned, I mean, as kids we went to church, but once we moved out we kind of cut all that stuff out. I haven’t really been around any religious insignia since being turned.” Mikey tilted his head. “I wonder if it actually does anything.”  


“I think in Dacula it hurt for him to look at the cross… Does it hurt you to look at?” Ray asked.  


Mikey looked back down at the bible again. “It makes me a little uncomfortable, but I don’t know if that means anything. It feels like watching a really gory movie, it kind of makes me feel sick, but I can’t look away.” He turned back to Ray. “Should I try touching it? Just to see?”  


“Why would you want to?”  


“I just want to know.” Mikey didn’t say the real reason, which was that he wanted Ray and Gerard to know if they ever needed to protect themselves from him and Frank. He knew vampires had a lot more strength than Mikey was ever willing to use, especially against his brother and friends, but it’s there, and it will still be there if either of them ever lost control again. He wanted Ray and Gerard to be able to protect themselves. Mikey looked at Ray one last time before reaching out and placing two fingers down on the bible, right over the cross. It felt like touching a hot stove, and he snatched his hand back quickly, holding it against his chest. “Fuck.”  


“What happened?” Ray pulled Mikey’s hand towards himself so he could inspect it. Each of the two fingers had a burn covering the area that made contact with the bible, but it didn’t look blistered like a normal burn, it was black and charred. “Well now you know what happens. Does it still hurt?”  


“A little.” Mikey couldn’t stop looking at the dark, cracked skin. There were little beads of blood forming in the deeper cracks, but it wasn’t a lot. The weird thing to Mikey was that they weren’t already healing like other injuries he’s gotten.  


“I’m going to see if I can find a first aid kit.” Ray got off the bed and began searching the room. After every corner was searched and he still came up empty, Ray said, “I’m going down to the desk to ask for some stuff.” Before leaving the room.  


It took a few seconds for Mikey to snap out of his daze, but once he did, he quickly slammed the bedside drawer shut, hiding the bible safely back inside and away from him. He spent the rest of the time waiting for Ray with his hand curled up tightly against his chest so he didn’t have to look at it.  


Ray didn’t take long, he returned less than 10 minutes after he left the room with a handful of various small items. He took Mikey’s hand into his own and gently uncurled his fingers. “I figured it would have started healing by now.”  


“Me too.” Mikey agreed, looking down at his hand in Ray’s.  


Ray wiped over them carefully with one of those little individually wrapped antiseptic wipes that Mikey thought were bullshit. Ray was always so methodical with the way he worked, being extra to keep everything clean. This time wasn’t exactly the same, since he didn’t really know the right treatment for Burn To A Vampire Caused By A Bible. He slathered on a bunch of different creams and ointments and then covered it all with a couple of bandaids. “Hopefully that will help.” He said with a shrug as he gathered up all the empty packages to dump in the trash. He switched off all the lights on his way around the room, only leaving on the lamps on either side of the bed.  


Once Ray was back in bed, Mikey looked up at him. “I’m sorry I did that, I should have realized it was a dumb thing to do.”  


“It’s fine, I don’t blame you. It’s not really something I ever thought about, but now we know.” Ray rubbed the back of Mikey’s hand.  


“We should tell Frank and Gee in the morning, just so they know too.” So that Gerard can protect himself, Mikey added mentally. He switched off the lamp on his side as the tiredness he was feeling in the other room started to hit him again. The room went dark as Ray shut off the other lamp. He scooted his way across the bed until he could feel the warmth of Ray’s body against his cold skin.  


“You doing okay? Does it hurt too bad?” Ray held Mikey’s burned hand gently. He brushed his fingertips along each one of Mikey’s fingers, being extra careful of the bandaids.  


“It’s not too bad, I’ll be okay. Honestly, I was kind of expecting nothing to happen, so it was more surprising than anything.” Mikey turned his hand so he could interlace his fingers with Ray’s.  


“Not just that Mikey, are you doing okay after talking about what happened, when you were turned.” Ray asked quietly.  


Mikey thought for a moment before speaking. “I think I feel better, it feels good to not be hiding something so big from my friends. Maybe it’ll help with the nightmares.” He was actually pretty sure it would help with some of them. Since getting closer with Ray, he had been having a nightmare where Ray would find him in the alley, kneeling over the girl, covered in her blood. In the dream he would beg Ray to forgive him, but Ray would just keep yelling ‘what have you done?’ and when Mikey would look down again, it was Frank’s body that was lifeless below him. When Mikey told Gerard about this, Gerard figured it was because he was so scared of Ray finding out about his past. When Mikey told Gerard, he also left out the part where the body turned to Frank.  


“Maybe it will.” Ray pulled Mikey in a little closer.  


Mikey dropped his head onto Ray’ shoulder. He spent so much energy trying to close himself off from Ray, scared that once Ray knew the truth, he’d never want to see him again. Ray knew now, and here he was, holding Mikey and rubbing small circles on his back. He rolled over so he was facing Ray, their faces only a few inches apart.  


“Are you okay?” Ray asked.  


“I’m fine, I just want to try something,” Mikey said quietly, resting a hand on the top of Ray’s shoulder. Before Ray could ask what Mikey was talking about, he leaned forward and kissed Ray, holding on for a moment and letting himself sink against Ray. He pulled away and settled back against Ray before saying, “Yeah, now I know that was right.”  


Ray let out a short laugh and began stroking Mikey’s hair. “I agree.” He placed another soft kiss on Mikey’s forehead. “Ready to go to bed now?”  


“Mmhmm,” Mikey hummed against Ray’s chest and burrowed a little closer.


	16. Chapter 16

“This is what we had to do.”  


“Are you sure it’s the right thing?”  


“It’s the only way to keep you safe.”  


Frank was no longer in bed, he was seated upright on something much harder than the plush hotel bed he fell asleep in. He opened his eyes slowly, but there was still grogginess filing his vision. He tried to raise a hand to his face to rub at his eyes but they were bound behind him. He binked harder and Gerard and Mikey came into focus in front of him. He was in their living room, seated on a dining room table, facing the back of the floral couch. He didn’t remember ever leaving the hotel. Frank looked down, he was still wearing the clothes he fell asleep in. He looked sadly at the Misfits skull of Gerard’s shirt, twisted awkwardly on Frank’s body. “What’s going on?” Everything in the room seemed hazy, like it was filled with smoke. He pulled weakly on the ropes at his wrists, desperate to try and rub his eyes, but his arm wouldn’t come free. When he tried to stand he noticed the second rope holding his torso to the chair, digging into his stomach.  


“See? He doesn’t remember.” Gerard tugged on Mikey’s sleeve. They were both dressed in all black, jeans, shirts, and leather jackets he’d never seen either of them wear before.  


Mikey took a step towards Frank. “You hurt Gerard again.” His voice was icy as he spoke. “You did more than hurt him. You killed him. Frank, you killed him.”  


That didn’t seem right, Gerard was standing there, right in front of him. He looked fine, but when he bowed his head, Frank noticed the bandage taped to his neck, he could see the blood was soaking through the gauze. But that still couldn’t be right, if Frank killed him, how is he- Frank immediately knew what that meant.  


Mikey noticed the flash of realization in Frank’s eyes and said, “I had to turn him.”  


Gerard turned away from both of them and braced his hands on the back of the couch. “I trusted you.” He said to his hands, but Frank knew it was directed at him.  


Gee, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Frank pleaded, “I don’t remember, I really don’t remember. Oh, God, I’m so sorry.” He racked his brain for any memory of what happened at all and still couldn’t find one.  


“Sorry isn’t going to change what happened.” Gerard turned to face Frank, his normally kind eyes looked devoid of compassion.  


Frank wanted to choke out another string of apologies, but Mikey cut him off. “You can’t be trusted. You’re dangerous.” Mikey was holding something in his gloved hand that Frank hadn’t noticed before. Through the haze, it took him a moment to recognize the beaded necklace for what it was: a Rosary.  


“What-” Frank stuttered out. He pushed the heels of his bare feet against the ground and began scooting the chair back. He could feel the panic rising in his throat and he kept peddling back until he felt his hands press against the rough plaster of the wall. “Mikey, you know me. I don’t remember, I don’t know what happened, I didn’t mean to, it was an accident.” He pleaded once he couldn’t keep moving away, once he was cornered. His eyes started to fill with tears and there was cold sweat running down his back.  


Mikey took one last step forward, closing the gap between him and Frank. For a moment, Frank thought he saw pity flash across Mikey’s face, but it was gone as fast as it came. “I don’t care. I don’t care what your reasoning is, you ruined my brother’s life. I gave you yours, I can take it back.” In one swift movement, he was pressing the cross to Frank’s forehead. Frank let out a scream of pain that almost caused Mikey to falter, instead he pressed even harder, focusing on the sizzling sound coming from the skin that was cracking and burning before his eyes.  


Frank kept trying to twist away, but his jerky movements were getting weaker by the second. Blood was beginning to stream down Frank’s face, he blinked rapidly, trying to keep it out of his eyes. “Please… stop…” Frank’s voice was raspy. He turned his eyes to Gerard, silently pleading for him to help. “Gee,” He choked. Blood was mixing with tears as it fell down Frank’s face and dripped off his chin, landing on Gerard’s shirt. The skull was beginning to look like it was crying along with Frank.  


Gerard stepped forward and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder, causing him to drop his hand, letting the rosary fall away from Frank’s face. Mikey turned away, letting Gerard stand in front of Frank by himself. Gerard waited for Frank to raise his eyes to look at him before saying, “I love you.”  


“I love you, too.” Frank’s voice was tight. He watched Gerard nervously, hoping desperately to be forgiven. Gerard was fidgeting something in his hand and Frank dropped his gaze to see what it was. The knife that had been used to stab Mikey months ago was held loosely in Gerard’s hand, like he didn’t feel comfortable holding it. “Gerard, why…” Frank trailed off.  


Gerard changed his grip again. He looked down at the knife because looking at Frank would be too hard. “You’ll never hurt anyone again.” He said sadly, right before raising the knife and then thrusting it into Frank’s chest, right where his heart was.  


“I’m sorry,” Frank managed to choke out one last time before his vision was filled only with blood and darkness.

\----- 

Frank’s body hit the floor with a thud and his eyes shot open. His clothes were drenched in sweat and his hair was pressed against his forehead, just as sweat-soaked. The room was dark. He pressed a clammy hand to his forehead and was shocked when he didn’t feel burned and cracked flesh where the cross had been held to his skin. He braced a hand against the wall and let his eyes adjust to the room. He ran a hand over his t-shirt and found no blood or stab wounds. He closed his eyes for a moment and focused on controlling his breathing. The room felt like it was spinning around him as the feeling of nausea washed over him as the memories replayed in his mind. Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder causing him to let out a short scream and jump back, colliding with the wall.  


“Frank? Frankie, what’s wrong? What happened?” Gerard’s voice came from above Frank.  


Frank looked up to see Gerard sitting on a bed, and he finally realized he was still in the hotel. “Did I hurt you? Gee, are you okay?” Frank asked, latching onto Gerard’s arm. He examined Gerard’s neck for any sign of blood or a bandage.  


“I’m okay Frank, I was sleeping and I heard a crash. You fell off the bed, what happened?” Gerard helped Frank back up onto the bed. He tried to get Frank to lay down, but the most he could convince Frank to do was sit cross legged facing Gerard, but with as much distance as possible between them.  


“I was having a nightmare.” Frank muttered.  


“What was it about?” Gerard reached out to hold Frank’s hand, but he shied away. “Was it the memories again?”  


“No,” Frank whispered. He struggled to think of a good way to explain his dream, what happened, it almost hurt too much to relay. He knew Gerard would be hurt, too, if he told him everything, so he chose to simply say, “I hurt you, again, in the dream.”  


Finally, Frank let Gerard take his hand. “You didn’t hurt me in real life, see? I’m fine.” Gerard squeezed Frank’s hand.  


Frank sat silently, still trying to convince his mind that it wasn’t real. He ran his free hand over his forehead again, checking to make sure it was still unmarred. Before returning his hand to the bed he scruffed up his hair, pushing the damp hair off his forehead. After a while, he looked up at Gerard. “I need a smoke.”  


Gerard nodded and they both got off the bed, he grabbed the box of cigarettes and his lighter off the coffee table. He took Frank’s hand again and they padded barefoot out to the balcony of their room, sliding the glass door shut behind them. He lit a cigarette and passed it over for Frank before lighting his own. They smoked quietly together, staring out into the dark night until both their cigarettes were down to their filters, then they each lit another. “It was more than what you’re saying, wasn’t it?” Gerard asked.  


“Yeah,” Frank admitted, looking down at his hands. He took another drag on his cigarette. He knew Gerard would wait all night for Frank to finally tell him what it was, so he decided to just get it out now. “I don’t actually remember hurting you, I didn’t remember in the dream either. I was tied up in your living room, and you and Mikey- Mikey told me that I’d killed you, and he had to turn you. You guys said I was too dangerous, you couldn’t trust me. Mikey had a rosary, and the cross, it burned.” He remembered the taste of the blood as it mixed with tears in his mouth as he had screamed against the pain. “Then you, you told me you loved me, before you, you-” He choked on his words.  


Gerard looked at Frank sadly. “What did I do?”  


“You stabbed me.” Frank stared at the moon, not having the heart to look at Gerard.  


Without a word, Gerard wrapped his arm around Frank’s waist, pulling him in close. Frank leaned his head back and rested it on Gerard’s shoulder. “It’s not real,” Gerard whispered into Frank’s hair, pressing soft kisses across his forehead. “I trust you.”  


Frank nestled in closer to Gerard. He took one last drag of his cigarette and pinched it out before dropping it in the ashtray and resigning himself to just feel safe in Gerard’s arms. He turned and gently kissed Gerard’s check. “I want to show you how much I love you.” Frank’s breath was warm against Gerard’s skin, and Gerard could feel one of Frank’s hands sliding over his hip.  


Gerard knew what Frank meant, continuing what he stopped earlier that night, a flash of wanting washed through Gerard’s mind, but he pushed it back. “No,” Gerard murmured, barely stopping himself from returning the kiss, knowing where it would lead. “It wouldn’t be right, not right now. You had a nightmare and you’re going through something terrible, you’re not in the right headspace. I don’t want that to happen this way, I’d feel wrong.”  


Frank leaned forward, resting his arms on the railing and looking over the edge. “I need to,” He said, but he didn’t really know where he was going. In the back of his mind, he knew Gerard was right. He started shaking, and he desperately wanted to play it off as being cold, but he knew that Gerard would see right through it, so he stood still, watching the sky, waiting. He didn’t know exactly what he was waiting for, but he knew he was frozen there until something happened. Cars were passing on the street below, but there weren’t many, he wondered what time it was.  


The lights of the city cast a soft glow over Frank’s face, and Gerard couldn’t stop staring. “You’re beautiful,” He murmured.  


Frank looked over his shoulder at Gerard. “Don’t.” He knew it wasn’t fair of him to be upset, but he couldn’t handle Gerard talking like that with the pain and desperation he was currently feeling,  


“It’s four in the morning,” Gerard’s voice was soft and warm, it coaxed Frank to turn fully around to look at him.  


“Yeah,” Frank agreed, still a little defensive. Even though he knew Gerard was right, the initial ‘no’ felt like a shot to the head.  


Gerard raised his hand to take another drag of his cigarette, but Frank caught his wrist and pulled it his way and brought the cigarette to his lips instead, blowing the smoke back in Gerard’s face. Gerard just watched quietly, drawing it to his own mouth when Frank moved away. He pinched it out even though it was only half smoked and threw it over the edge of the balcony. “You don’t need to show me that you love me, I already know. What happened in your dream, you didn’t actually hurt me, and I’m not going to hurt you either. Not like that.”  


Frank took a step forward. “I want to be able to show you.” The frustration from before was returning. He thought about earlier, in bed, the feeling of Gerard’s hand under his shirt, then that sick feeling of hunger had to take over and ruin it all. “I don’t want to be scared I’m going to hurt you.”  


“I know,” Gerard stroked Frank’s hair. “Eventually. Just not right now.” He didn’t fully know what Frank was going through, but because of Mikey, he understood. Eventually, he’d be able to control the hunger.  


Frank turned his head to kiss the palm of Gerard’s hand before taking it in his own. “You look cold,” He said quietly and led the way back into the hotel room. Once they were back in bed, Gerard let Frank pull the covers tightly over the both of them.  


“Are you going to be able to sleep?” Gerard asked, rubbing Frank’s back.  


The images of Mikey holding the crucifix to his head, with that cold, dead look in his eyes, of Gerard just before stabbing Frank, and of the blood spilling down into his eyes and unto his clothes filled his mind. “I don’t know.” Frank sighed.  


Gerard began stroking Frank’s hair idly. “We don’t have to sleep,” He said and began humming quietly as he alternated tracing patterns on Frank’s back and wrapping his fingers in Frank’s hair.  


Frank let his mind drift, focusing on the sound of Gerard’s voice. He let Gerard do his thing for a while before he rolled over so they were face to face. Frank took his turn playing with Gerard’s hair, the wind outside made it messier than usual. “Thank you, for saving my life.”  


Gerard drew his eyebrows together. “I didn’t- Mikey really is the one that saved your life.”  


“No,” Frank shook his head, “Not that. Before I met you, I wasn’t really living for anything. Meeting you saved my life.” He tipped his head forward, resting their foreheads together.  


“I’m glad you’re alive.” Gerard smiled softly.  


Frank tucked his face into the crook of Gerard’s neck. Somehow, Frank wasn’t sure how, but his hair always smelled like lavender, and that was now one of his favorite scents. He stayed quiet for a number of minutes, just letting time pass. Gerard was humming and Frank could feel the vibrations through his cheek pressed to Gerard’s throat. “Why’s everything gotta be so complicated?” He mumbled.  


“I don’t know,” Gerard went back to playing with Frank’s hair. “But it will all be okay.” He tried to sound sure of himself.  


Frank wrapped his arm around Gerard’s waist. “I don’t think I’m going to sleep at all tonight.”  


“That’s okay, I’ll stay up with you.” Gerard kissed the top of Frank’s head. “We’ll get through the night together.” He let his mind wander as he continued to rub Frank’s back and hum gently. About a week after Mikey was turned, they were watching a movie together in the living room when Mikey just broke down. Neither of them slept the whole night, Gerard just sat there, humming Smashing Pumpkins songs while Mikey clung to him, face hidden in Gerard’s shirt, crying. A few times, Mikey would mutter something and they’d talk for a while, but mostly it was quiet. Eventually the sun came up, and the day went on. That was one of the hardest night’s for Gerard, watching his brother go through mental turmoil he didn’t understand and didn’t know how to fix. He knew he could help Frank more. He began telling Frank about all the things him and Mikey would do at night when he couldn’t sleep and needed to escape the nightmares. As Gerard spoke, Frank hummed affirmations, soaking up all Gerard’s stories like stories alone would make everything better. He told Frank about the artwork he’s been doing, and all the things the wine bottle angel has inspired. Then, Gerard told Frank about how he got the Misfits shirt, and how he started making a point to wear it to the bar after he found out Frank listened to their music. “But I really think it looks better on you.” He added as he traced the skull with his fingers against Frank’s chest.  


“It’s yours,” Frank replied, pulling away to look up at Gerard.  


“Mmhmm,” Gerard agreed halfheartedly, going back to stroking Frank’s hair, curling individual strands around his fingers. He had been wanting to give Frank the shirt for a while now.  


Frank grinned at him and gazed around the room. “The sun’s coming up.” He was a little surprised to see the early morning haze lifting. “It’s pretty.”  


Gerard stifled the urge to respond ‘like you,’ and readjusted both of them so they could watch the sunrise from bed. He kissed the back of Frank’s neck once they were settled in. They watched in quietly together, it had been so long since either of them saw the sun rise.  


After the sky was clear Frank quietly said, “I guess we just wait for Mikey and Ray to wake up.”  


Gerard agreed and added another kiss to the back of Frank’s neck. He went back to telling Frank stories and explaining his art while Frank nestled his face against Gerard’s chest again, comforted by the rise and fall of his breathing.


	17. Chapter 17

Gerard sat down on the steps outside his apartment building. It was the first time he was spending actually alone in almost two days, what with everything that happened to Frank. Mikey and Frank were upstairs, watching TV and waiting for Ray to come back from work. When Gerard first said he was going out to smoke, both of them offered to come with, but realized that the sun was shining bright and unyielding, and it was safer for them both inside. A cigarette was trapped between his lips as he fiddled with the lighter, fighting against the afternoon breeze. The first breath of smoke filled his lungs and it was borderline therapeutic. Two and a half years ago he swore up and down to Mikey that he was going to quit, that they both should, but it never got beyond talk. Once Mikey was turned neither of them brought it up again, they needed it too much.  


It had been hours since they left the hotel, and Gerard spent the whole morning doting over Frank, making sure that the lack of sleep wasn’t messing with his head, or that he wasn’t still too shaken up by the nightmares. No matter how many times Frank said he was fine, Gerard could see past the bravado and catch the shake in his voice or the way he avoided closing his eyes for too long. And as much as Frank said he was fine, it didn’t stop him from spending the day basically glued to Gerard’s hip, curling up on the couch together, hands clasped, Frank’s cheek pressed to Gerard’s chest like the sound of his heartbeat holds all the secrets to the universe.  


He was still adjusting to the idea of Frank being different, it wasn’t exactly an easy thing to just accept. Worrying about Mikey had been hard enough, now another person in his life was in the same position. Selfishly, he wanted to go back in time, to when his and Frank’s biggest worry was Mikey or Ray catching them tangled up together in the living room. Sure, the idea of vampires always fascinated him, the blood, the religious insignia, the night, the bats, but that was when he still thought it was all fiction. It’s all a lot less fun when it’s real and it’s your brother and it’s your best friend. He’d let Mikey see him scared, only a few times, but it happened, but he had to put on a brave face for Frank. Frank couldn’t know Gerard was just as scared as he was. For Frank, he had to continue pretending he was okay, even though he was very, very not okay. It wasn’t just the constant worry about Frank’s safety and his well being, it was the anxiety floating in the back of his mind, screaming louder every time Frank’s eyes got dark the same way his brother’s did when the hunger hit. There was an ache in his neck and he floated his fingers up to feel the bandaid still pressed there from yesterday morning. The blood had dried and the small incisions had since scabbed over. He picked the bandaid off and folded it, before shoving it deep into his pocket, next to the box of cigarettes.  


The air was heavy and warm, but that wasn’t going to stop him from pulling his jacket tighter around his shoulders. The scent of stale smoke wafted out of the worn leather. He blew out another cloud of smoke, mingling the new scent with the old. A cloud passed over the sky for a fleeting moment, but it was gone soon and Gerard turned his gaze back to the cracked sidewalk. There were patches that bordered on being so gravely they resembled sand. When they were younger, sometimes their mom would take Gerard and Mikey to the New Jersey shoreline, just to get them out of the house. Gerard never cared much for being outside, he’d much rather spend the day reading comic books, drawing, and listening to music, but Mikey, he loved those days. He’d spend hours running along the coast, splashing through the water and occasionally swimming for a few yards, only stopping to look at the pictures Gerard had drawn in the sand. It was memories like these that made Gerard feel worse for Mikey, who would never get to spend a hot, sunny day at the coast again. Gerard wondered if Mikey even remembered the last time he went to the beach.  


After a few minutes of staring out into the street, watching cars slowly pass by, Gerard realized his cigarette was spent and dropped it to the ground, using the heel of his shoe to stomp it out. As much as he was relishing his time alone with his thoughts, he felt bad leaving the other two alone for so long. He ran a hand through his hair, wiping beads of sweat off his forehead in the process. Realistically, he knew that him being outside for 15 minutes wasn’t actually an issue, partially, it was for his own peace of mind. He pulled the front door open and began making his way up the stairs, back to his apartment. The air was much lighter in there than it had been outside, but the sweet smell of smoke still floated through the room, drifting up from the couch where Mikey and Frank both sat.  


As soon as they got back from the hotel that morning, Gerard noticed that Mikey seemed… off, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. It wasn’t that he seemed worse, in fact, it was the opposite. Mikey seemed to be quirking smiles throughout the day at seemingly nothing. While Gerard and Frank laid piled on the couch, when he thought no one was looking, Mikey would touch his finger tips to his lips and close his eyes, just for a moment, before he’d drop back into his usual solemn self. Currently, Mikey was twirling a cigarette between his finger tips, watching the smoke curl with the movement. He contemplated it for another moment before deciding he no longer wanted it and put it out in the ashtray, half smoked.  


“Hey,” Gerard said casually as he dropped his jacket to the floor, on top of his shoes. Mikey nodded in response, rising from the couch and heading down the hallway towards his room. It wasn’t exactly out of character for Mikey to just up and leave a room, but it did seem at least a little odd. It wasn’t quite as strange though as Frank’s complete lack of reaction, he hadn’t moved at all since Gerard walked in the door. He placed a hesitant hand on Frank’s shounder.  


“Hey, sorry,” Frank mumbled, shaking the daze out of his head. He waited for Gerard to sit down next to him before he spoke again. “I talked to Aimee, told her, uhh… that someone tried to stab me, told her I’m fine, didn’t have to go to the hospital or anything, I just never want to go back to that place. Only a little stretch of the truth. She understood, took it as my two weeks and is gonna get people to cover all the shifts I was already scheduled for.”  


“Tried to stab you,” Gerard repeated, rolling his eyes.  


“It’s not really a lie, he did try to stab me, and he succeeded. But you can’t succeed if you don’t first try.” Frank smirked, but it disappeared quickly. “Ray’ll be done with work soon, I told him I just want to go home for dinner, I need to go back to my apartment at some point, why not sooner rather than later.”  


Gerard lowered his eyebrows into a scowl. “Are you going to be okay?” He squeezes Frank’s hand that he didn’t even realize he was holding.  


“I don’t know.” Frank shrugged. “But I know you’re losing sleep because of my nightmares. They shouldn’t have to affect both of us. Ray will be there, I’ll be fine.”  


“You don’t have to go-”  


Frank cut him off. “I do. I don’t want to risk hurting you, and you can say that I won’t all you want, but I need to know for myself.”  


“Yeah,” Gerard nodded after a moment, “Yeah, okay. Just, call me if you need anything, I mean it, even if you have a nightmare and it’s 3am and you just need to talk, I want you to call me. Promise.”  


“I will.” Frank gave a tight smile and dropped his head down unto Gerard’s shoulder. “Mikey says I should be okay for a couple of days.”  


“Yeah,” Gerard agreed again and began gently stroking Frank’s back. He knew what Frank meant between the words he was actually saying, that, for his own reasons, he needed to be away from Gerard until he needed to feed again. Gerard knew that this would be the last time he’d be this close to Frank for a few days, so he wanted to hold onto this for as long as possible.  


Frank quietly said, “I wish things were simple again.” and it was like he was reading Gerard’s mind.  


It was only a second before Gerard pulled Frank tighter against him and placed a myriad of soft kisses all over Frank’s face before finally settling him back against his chest. Innately, Gerard knew that Frank had already talked to Mikey about his plan, about needing space, and Mikey was giving them room to be alone together, just for a while. It wasn’t until there was a knock at the door that Mikey finally came out of his room, just fast enough that neither Frank nor Gerard had time to get up themselves and open the door.  


Ray walked through the door, raising his hand in an almost wave at the two men on the couch before turning to Mikey with an awkward half grin. He and Mikey shared a short, stiff hug, before exchanging quiet ‘hey’s. To which Gerard decided the whole interaction was a little weird and he would definitely have to ask Mikey about it later. He poked at Frank to see if he noticed, but his head hadn’t moved from Gerard’s chest, facing the opposite direction of the door.  


There was a short, whispered exchange between Ray and Mikey, Gerard could only pick up the words ‘blood’ and ‘need’, before Ray turned to Gerard and Frank and asked, “Hey Frank, ready to head home?”  


Home, somehow the word still shocked Frank from time to time. It had been a really long time since he ever thought of himself as having a home, not since he was a really little kid and he learned the word ‘homework’ and just decided home and house meant the same thing. The two things are very different to Frank now. Home was supposed to be a place where he felt safe, and after the last two nights, the apartment was no longer that. “Yeah, I’m ready.” He lifted himself off of Gerard, giving his hand one last squeeze before walking to the door. His backpack, hoodie, and shoes were all in a pile by the door and he took his time sliding his shoes on and adjusting the sweatshirt over his head, pulling the hood far over his face. He’d avoided the sun almost entirely since being turned, and this was going to be his first time outside in actual daylight.  


There was an extended number of ‘goodbyes’ but Frank and Ray finally left the apartment, shutting the door, and waiting to hear the bolt slide into place behind them. Frank paused right before the front door, looking nervously between the window and Ray. “The car’s out front, just to the right.” Ray offered before Frank even had a chance to ask.  


“Aight,” Frank nodded, hitching his backpack up on his shoulder and shoving his hands deeper into the pocket, trying to cover as much skin as possible. He bent his head forward, casting shadows over his face, and pushed the door open. The day was already a hot one, but the places where the sun found cracks in his clothes or thinner fabric felt like sitting too close to a fire, the heat seconds before it starts to burn. He quickened his pace and reached the car as quickly as he could. Reaching his hand out of his pocket to open the door felt like touching a hot iron, but he pushed on, swinging the door open and dropping inside, slamming the door shut behind him. Ray joined him a few moments later. Frank was still curled up in his seat, trying to hide his skin from the sun coming through the windows. “This sucks.” He grumbled, and that was that and Ray started driving back to the apartment.  


Getting out of the car and into the apartment was the same kind of awkward dash, but Ray made a point to keep them in as much shade as possible. Once they were back in the apartment, door locked behind them, Frank went immediately to his room and began surveying the damage in the mirror. He was expecting to see something akin to a sunburn, but really he just thought he looked ashy and grey. His forehead was glistening with a thin layer of sweat. “Gross,” He said to his reflection and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead. The brick wall on the other side of the alley seemed to almost taunt him. He quickly moved to shut the blinds so at the very least he wouldn’t have to look at it.  


Frank thought about going back to the living room. He considered eating a few bites of a dinner he didn’t need to eat and that didn’t even taste good anymore. He thought about watching TV with Ray and trying to pretend everything was fine and talking about movies or video games. He thought about trying to pretend that he didn’t hate himself for quitting his job when he was already so indebted to his best friend. He thought about Ray’s day off tomorrow and that he’d probably rather spend it with Mikey but he would be stuck here, watching over Frank. All of those things seemed equally awful at the current moment, so instead of leaving his room to confront any of them, he locked his bedroom door, keeping himself safe inside. He pulled off his shirt and jeans and flopped onto his bed in just his boxers. Maybe for once, sleep would actually come.  


It did, for a while, but it was fitful and light. Probably, Frank decided, because he tried to go to sleep at 6pm like he was 100 years old. Either way, while he was phasing in out of consciousness, a series of loud noises forced him completely awake. His initial fear was that someone was in the apartment, but his door was still shut and the noises seemed much more distant. Another thud seemed to echo through the wall, and he could almost feel his skin blanch at the realization it came from the alley. It felt like ice was trapped in the pit of his stomach. “No, no, no no no.” He whispered, scrambling to get out of bed as quickly as possible. He didn’t have a plan, but he knew he wanted to be as far away from that window as possible. His hands were shaking so bad it took him annoyingly long to undo the lock and get out of his room. The hallway was dark and felt too open, so he grasped a hand into the air and shook the door knob to Ray’s room violently.  


“Fuck,” He swore, the door was locked and he was standing, exposed in the hallway with his back to all the windows facing the alley. The panic was rising in his throat quickly and without second thought he began slamming the side of his fist against the door. Pounding all while yelling, “Ray, please, Ray. Open the door, please wake up. Ray, please. There’s someone in the alley, I heard them. Someone could be in danger. They could be back for Mikey, or for me. Something’s wrong, something is really wrong and bad and dangerous and Ray. I don’t want to die, I’m so scared already I just-”  


Frank was stopped in the middle of his stream of words when the door swung open, a tired and raggled Ray caught Frank’s hands in mid air. “What’s going on?” He sounded surprisingly alert.  


“I heard someone, through the window.” Frank had quieted into a panicked whisper.  


Ray quickly released his hands and pushed past Frank, into his room. He pulled the blinds up so he could see what was happening outside the window. Ray was so still for so long Frank decided it must have been bad and that Ray was clearly frozen in fear or shock before Ray finally turned around, a look of pity replacing the sleepiness from before. “Frank,” Ray sighed. “It’s Aimee, she was taking out the trash from the bar.”  


It took a moment for Ray’s words to actually sink in. He couldn’t quite tell if the relief or the embarrassment won out. “I-” He tried to stutter out a justification, but none came. There were no words other than “Sorry.”  


Ray pulled Frank against him in a quick hug. “It’s okay, you’re safe and you don’t have to be sorry.”  


Frank nodded against Ray’s chest before pulling away, not able to look up and meet his gaze. “I need sleep.”  


“You can sleep in my room tonight, it’s on the other side of the apartment, so that might help.” Ray gestured with his thumb back across the hall.  


That’s exactly what Frank did. He grabbed a pillow and a couple of blankets from his own bed and curled up on the floor next to Ray’s bed. In an effort to avoid the same thing happening with Ray that happened with Gerard, Frank insisted that he would sleep better if he was on the ground, some distance between him and Ray. After Ray locked the door to his room, keeping them both safe inside, Frank was finally able to fall back into his fitful, yet devoid of nightmares, sleep. 

\----- 

After a few hours of watching TV quietly together, Gerard finally asked Mikey about the weird interaction with Ray, but Mikey just shrugged and said it was nothing.


	18. Chapter 18

It had been three days since Frank left his apartment. Given the circumstances, Ray lifted the ban on smoking inside, which really took away the last reason Frank had to step outside the front door. His phone vibrated on the coffee table for the seventh time in the last ten minutes, but he didn’t bother picking it up. Today was the first day Frank had spent any significant amount of time alone since being turned, and Ray had been checking up on him every hour since he’d left for work. The sudden excessive amount of texts didn’t really seem like him though, so Frank gave in after the eleventh buzz and flipped his phone open and began to scan the names on the messages. They were all, save one, from Gerard. Frank opened them each, watching Gerard’s words go from casual to panicked as the messages progressed. He had just clicked to reply when his phone rang with an incoming call.  


“Frank, are you okay?” Gerard asked nervously as soon as Frank answered the call.  


“I’m fine, Gee.” Frank pressed a hand over his eyes. He hadn’t spoken to Gerard since Frank left from his and Mikey’s apartment 3 days ago. Gerard knew Frank needed space, even just for a few days, but that didn’t stop him from texting Ray nearly constantly to check in on how he was doing. Both Ray and Gerard thought they were being stealthy, but Frank caught glimpses of their conversations throughout the weekend. Hearing his voice just now was enough to make Frank regret the whole weekend.  


“I’m sorry,” Gerard sighed. “I know you’re alone in the apartment today, and you weren’t responding, and I just-”  


“You assumed the worst.” Frank cut Gerard off quietly. He glanced around the room at all the windows darkly covered by blinds, blocking out any and all sunlight and any glimpse of that stupid fucking alley. Always fearing the worst was something they had in common.  


“Yeah,” Gerard fell silent, slowly letting his fears dissipate. He let himself listen to Frank breathe for a few moments before he spoke again. “How’re you doing?”  


Frank thought for a second about telling Gerard what happened on Friday. The fear and the panic that led him to sleeping on the floor of Ray’s room. How much better he would have slept if it was Gerard’s floor instead. The newspaper Ray helped him tape over his bedroom window the next morning. He decided against it and instead said, “I’ve been able to sleep, just a little, but it helps.”  


“That’s good.” Gerard nodded to himself, even though he knew it wouldn’t translate through the phone. “Mikey and I were talking last night and he thinks it would probably be a good idea for us to come over tonight. For you to, uh, you know...”  


The hunger had been steadily growing over the past few days, and at Gerard’s implication Frank’s stomach flipped. “Yeah.” He felt torn, the only thing on his mind the past few days was seeing Gerard, being close to him again, but the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal. He wanted them to be close, intertwined, without there being some other reason for his company. Really, without that reason being something that caused Gerard to be in pain.  


“We can head over when Ray gets off work. That way you won’t have to worry because Mikey and Ray will be there, and I’m fine doing this for you Frankie, really I am. I want to, for you.” Gerard explained.  


“Can you come over now?” Frank spit out, then quickly added, “You and Mikey, and not for that, I just… it would be nice to have the company.” I want time together that doesn’t revolve around your blood, he thought, but didn’t let those words escape.  


Gerard sighed. “Mikey’s still at work for another hour.”  


“Then once he’s off,” Frank paused before adding, “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your texts right away, I just figured it was Ray.”  


“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad you’re okay. I’ll see you in an hour.” Gerard quirked a smile.  


Frank wasn’t really ready to end the call, if he could, he’d listen to Gerard talk forever, but he didn’t really know what else there was to say. “See you then,” Frank agreed and hung up the phone. He stared at the blank screen for a moment before flipping it shut and returning it to its spot on the coffee table, ignoring the message from Ray.  


It hadn’t even been a week since he was turned, but with everything that’s happened, it felt like an eternity. It was starting to make him think immortality wasn’t that great after all, although maybe that was because most of his life he had no real intention living past 18. Just 4 days with friends and a few hours alone was enough to make Frank dread the imminent forever. He considered passing the time just staring at the hands of the clock move, since the TV was repetitive and he no longer felt like he had to run away every few seconds. Still, his hands ached for something to do, but he stopped himself from reaching for a cigarette. He’d been smoking double a day what he did before being turned. He was running low now, and it’s not like he had a steady income anymore. The air always felt heavy during the day, with all the blinds drawn, but there wasn’t really another option for Frank. Between stale air and burning the flesh right off his bones, he chose the former.  


On more than one occasion Ray had offered to let Frank play his guitar, he figured the offer still stood and slowly made his way to Ray’s room. The guitar case sat upright on the far side of the room, smooth, clean, and nothing like what Frank’s guitar case used to look like. Frank had a specific way of ‘decorating,’ if it could even be called that. Any sticker that came into his possession was slapped onto that old case, covering all the old scuff marks and dents from when it was his father’s before. In between the stickers he’d covered the case with his own idea of art, quick sharpie drawings and messy graffiti done with stolen spray paint from the hardware store on the corner. It was the first time Frank ever even considered taking Ray up on the offer, it never felt right to him. Music had always been such a personal thing for him that someone’s instrument felt sacred and equally personal. Each of the latches popped open with a satisfying click, and after carefully opening the lid, Frank got his first real look at the shiny maple guitar he’d heard Ray play almost every weekend.  


Frank ran his fingers up the neck of the guitar over the frets, taking in the feeling of the strings against his fingertips, a feeling almost lost to him. He began tracing the design on the pickguard, following each flower and leaf, committing it all to memory. Finally, he let himself take it out of the case, sitting on the bed and holding it close to his body. It had been so long that he worried he’d forget how to play, but sitting down now, grazing his fingers down in the first strum, the memories were all still there. He took the time to tune it, really thinking about how long it must have been since Ray last took it out of the case. Quickly he fell into the motion of playing, first just chords and the little riffs he remembered playing as a kid, but soon shuffling to playing any song he could still remember the chords to. It was natural, almost as if it hadn’t been well over a year since he last touched a guitar. The vibration against his fingertips made him smile, and he could already feel the ache beginning where his fingers were sore from pressing on the strings. Any calluses he had in the past were long gone, but the feeling was welcome to him, it was freeing a joy locked in his chest that he hadn’t felt in a long time.  


He got caught up in playing, time was finally moving, and he was filling up the space with sound, rough, unpracticed, but undeniably beautiful. The energy that he put into playing, the anger, the sadness, the fear, was all coming out and it was free, released from his mind. He was starting to lose feeling in his fingers, but that wasn’t going to stop him, he’d just play something else. Frank changed to play a slower song with easier chords, something by the Beatles but he couldn’t quite place the name. He closed his eyes and just played, not too bothered when the strings buzzed or he played the wrong chord.  


“Hummingbird, nice.” He heard Gerard’s voice and his eyes shot open. Gerard was standing in the doorway, his hands halfway in his pockets. “Sorry, I knocked like, 3 times, and I tried to call, when you didn’t answer we just came in, that’s when I heard you playing.”  


“No, sorry, my phone’s in the living room. I lost track of time.” Frank shook his head. “Have you been standing there long?”  


“Only a few seconds. I’ve never heard you play, it was nice to listen. I feel like I got to see something I don’t see often.” Gerard smiled and sat on the edge of Ray’s bed next to Frank.  


“That’s because I haven’t played since the car accident, my guitar got ruined. Ray always offered to let me play his, but it felt wrong to me, you know? I just really needed it today.” He moved to put the guitar back in the case, but stopped halfway and turned back to face Gerard. “Do you play?”  


Gerard waved his hands in front of him. “No, no. I mean, I do, just not well. I always wanted to be good at it, it just never clicked for me.”  


Frank nodded and finished the movement, placing the guitar safe in its case and closing the latches. “I didn’t realize how much I missed it.” Frank said as he moved the case back against the wall. “I got caught up in so many other things in life that I was able to just exist without it, but then today, I was alone and there was nothing I wanted to do more.”  


“I’m sorry.” Gerard placed his hand over Frank’s once he was seated again.  


Frank looked down at their hands. In that small gesture, one place of contact, he realized more than he missed playing guitar, he missed being close to Gerard. “Gee, I-” He stopped himself, not quite knowing what he wanted to say. The simple answer would be the words bouncing through his head since he first heard Gerard’s voice on the phone an hour ago, I missed you, but it felt so base. Anyhow, it was Frank’s choice to not see Gerard all weekend, to not send one text, so he felt like he didn’t really have the right. He kept his eyes fixed on their hands, trying to memorize the feeling of skin on skin and the way Gerard brushed his thumb slowly back and forth. “I’m sorry, too.”  


“Why?” Gerard caught Frank’s eye.  


“I shouldn’t have cut you out, even just for the weekend. It was selfish and I’m just so confused and scared.” Frank tried to look away, but Gerard caught his cheek with his fingertips and guided his gaze back.  


“I’m not expecting you to have answers and to know everything. You should know that by now, Frank. I have to admit something. I’m just as scared as you are, but it’s because I care about you. I want to be here for you, but I can’t do that without you letting me in. I just need you to know I trust you, and yes, I’m scared, but I’m not scared of you, I’m scared with you, or for you, I don’t know.” Gerard said gently, his hand still carefully pressed against Frank’s cheek.  


Frank was chewing his lip while Gerard spoke. He couldn’t remember a time when someone looked at him as intensely as Gerard was in that moment, the feeling of his hand on Frank’s face keeping their eyes locked. His stomach tightened, but this time it wasn’t that feeling of hunger he’d come to dread, it was, Frank figured, the feeling of being truly loved. There was a warmth growing in his fingertips that he knew was phantom, but it felt real enough for him. Without thought, he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck, meeting in a rough, urgent kiss. He held still for a moment, trying to memorize this feeling the same way he tried to memorize their hands touching. Slowly, he let their lips separate, only granting a few inches of space between them, just enough so Frank could look at Gerard properly. “We, uh, we should go to the other room.”  


“Why?” Gerard tilted his head.  


“I just feel weird because we’re in Ray’s room.” Frank gave a tight smile.  


Gerard laughed softly. “Shit yeah,” He glanced around the room. “I almost forgot. Plus, I just sort of left Mikey in the living room.” They both stood and made their way out of Ray’s room to find Mikey had settled himself onto the couch and was watching one of the shows he and Ray both enjoyed.  


“Hey, Mikey,” Frank nodded in his direction when he turned to face the both of them.  


“How’re you doing?” Mikey raised an eyebrow and shuffled over on the couch, leaving room for Frank and Gerard.  


Frank looked at Gerard then back at Mikey as he lowered himself onto the couch, as close to Gerard as he could comfortably sit. “I’m fine now, It’s getting better.” He squeezed Gerard’s hand.  


“Do you need to f-” Mikey started to ask, but Frank held his other hand up, stopping him.  


“I don’t want to think about that right now, we can deal with that when Ray gets home, for now, I just want to feel normal.” Frank said.  


Mikey paused for a moment before nodding and fixing his attention back on the TV.  


Gerard wrapped his arm around Frank, pulling him closer so that Frank could rest his head on Gerard’s shoulder. After some time, Frank also pulled his feet up onto the couch, holding his knees close to his chest and curling in even closer to Gerard. There was a moment or two when Frank would feel the hunger start to rise, but he’d squeeze his eyes shut and dig his nails into the palm of his hand until the feeling subsided. He never thought that his extreme stubbornness would come in handy. Frank spent a significant amount of the time waiting for Ray with his face tucked against Gerard’s neck listening to the TV and soaking up the warmth and calmness that only being this close to Gerard seemed to provide. He had no idea how many episodes passed while he sat like that, but it was fine, he was fine.  


The door creaked open, and Ray laughed and said, “Hey, I didn’t expect for you all to be here.” He ruffled Mikey’s hair as he passed behind the couch to sit in the chair closest to him. “What’s up?”  


“We figured we’d just come over when Mikey got off work, keep Frank company and whatnot.” Gerard rubbed Frank’s back as he spoke.  


Mikey raised an eyebrow at Gerard, knowing full well that it was Frank that wanted them over, but he wasn’t going to say anything about that now. Instead, he turned his attention back to Ray and began recounting his past few days at work, the customers he had, and the new comic books that were coming in. He moved his hands as he spoke, more animated than Gerard was ever used to seeing his brother.  


Gerard kept his fingers brushing across Frank’s back, content just to be close to him again. As the conversation between Mikey and Ray lulled, Ray turned to Gerard and pointedly looked down at Frank, a question more than a gesture. He knew what Ray meant, it was time, but he still felt bad raising Frank from what seemed like a peaceful state. He squeezed the hand he was holding, causing Frank to look up at him, his lip ring trapped between his teeth.  


There was a war within Frank, between the vampiric hunger and the worry of hurting his friend, but Gerard gave him a reassuring smile and he returned the expression and sat up fully, put on a face of false bravado, and asked, “So, where are we doing this?”  


“Can we go to your room?” Gerard asked, brushing the hair off of Frank’s face. He glanced between Mikey and Ray was well, asking for their opinion as much as Frank’s. “I know I’m gonna end up sleeping here anyway, so might as well.” Frank nodded quickly and also turned to face the other two.  


“We can wait outside the room, that way we’ll be right there if you need us, but it’ll feel less exhibition-y.” Mikey smirked. “Then once everything is fine, Ray and I can, well, do the same.”  


After a series of ‘yes’s were exchanged they all made their way down the hallway. Gerard went in first and settled himself into the pillows and blankets while Ray and Mikey sat cross legged on the floor against the wall opposite Frank’s door. Frank turned to Mikey before closing the door and began to ask, “Are you sure-”  


“Yes, Frank.” Mikey cut him off. “I trust you. Gee trusts you. We all trust you.”  


Frank nodded one last time and then closed the door behind him. He slid onto the bed next to Gerard, who gently kissed Frank’s temple as soon as he was settled. Gerard hovered his wrist near Frank’s mouth and waited. “Frank,” Gerard urged. “I’m okay, I’m ready.”  


“Okay,” Frank whispered, his lips so close to Gerard’s arm that he could feel the breath on his skin. He took one more long inhale and slowly bit down on the soft skin on the inside of the forearm. The metallic taste hit his tongue immediately, and for a second, the impulse to bite down harder swept through his mind, but just like he stubbornly fought against the hunger earlier, he fought against this. He calmed his breathing and tried to focus on the sounds around him, mostly, he tried to focus on Gerard. It took him a moment, but eventually he fell in to listening to Gerard breathe, and the small noises he was making to distract himself from the pain. That’s when he noticed another feeling, Gerard’s fingers on Frank’s free hand, tapping to the beat of a song that was trapped in his head, a small signal from Gerard that he was present, and that he was okay. Frank’s head was just beginning to swim lightly as the feeling of hunger faded away. He lifted Gerard’s arm away from him, leaving just enough room to plant small kisses on each of the anger red marks.  


“Are you okay, Frankie?” Gerard asked, sitting up slowly, still holding Frank’s hand.  


“Yeah, I’m good. Are you?” Frank brushed Gerard’s hair off his face, trying to see if he looked any paler than usual.  


“Mmhmm,” Gerard leaned into Frank’s touch, the happy grogginess really starting to show.  


“I’m gonna grab a bandaid and let Mikey and Ray know that everything’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Frank got up from the bed and began digging through one of his drawers. He set down a pair of sweatpants next to Gerard on the bed. “Here, something comfy.”  


Frank made sure to shut the door behind him so that Gerard could have some privacy while he changed. Mikey and Ray looked up as soon as the door opened, questioning looks on both their faces. “He’s fine. I’m good too, just gonna grab a bandaid. ” Frank answered the questions they didn’t even have to ask out loud. “Thank you, both of you. It really means a lot, just how much you care about both of us.”  


“Of course,” Ray smiled as he stood. “Frank, you should know by now that you’re my best friend, I’d do a whole lot of anything for you.” He turned and helped Mikey up from the floor.  


“Ray and I will be in his room if you need us, but really Frank, I’m proud of you.” Mikey squeezed Frank’s shoulder and followed Ray out of the hallway.  


Frank took a moment alone in the hallway, just to let reality settle in around him and wait for the accompanying panic to set it, but this time, it didn’t come. He let himself crack a small smile as he went to the bathroom and dug a few bandaids out of the box. Gerard was curled up in the blankets when Frank came back, his jeans in a crumpled pile in the floor. Frank pulled on his own pair of sweatpants before carefully tapping Gerard’s shoulder to get his attention. “Here,” He said quietly as he pressed the bandaids over the small scabs that were already forming.  


“Thanks,” Gerard whispered back as he watched Frank work. He pulled the blankets up for Frank to slide in next to him. Once Frank was under the covers and switched the light off, Gerard brushed his fingers over Frank’s cheek again. “I missed you.”  


“I missed you, too. I won’t do that again, I promise.” Frank kissed Gerard once and then pulled him a little closer.


	19. Chapter 19

The sun was just setting behind the buildings, leaving everything cast in soft blue shadow. Although he was pretty sure it would be fine, Frank still pulled his sleeves down over his hands as he left the record shop that sat only two storefronts down from the comic store Mikey worked at. Ray was waiting out front in his car, all the windows rolled down, and was reading a book to pass the time while Frank was inside. The last beams of sunlight were shone high on the buildings across the street. These moments were the closest Frank thought he’d ever get to actually being in the sun again. Try as he might, Frank couldn’t completely contain his smile as he climbed into the passenger seat.  


“Hey, how’d it go?” Ray asked as he closed his book and set it aside.  


Frank was full on smiling now. “They hired me on the spot, said they were impressed by my like, old band knowledge or something.” He drummed his fingers on the console as his smile faded. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “They want me to start next week, and I said I’d be there, no problem, but I don’t actually know how I’m gonna get to and from work in the daylight.”  


“We’ll figure something out,I promise, it’ll be okay. For now, we celebrate!” Ray turned the key and pulled away from his parking spot. “Anyway, I’ve got a surprise for you.”  


“What is-” Frank started to ask, but Ray cut him off.  


“It’s a surprise, I’m not gonna tell you. Just wait, like, 5 minutes.” Ray rolled his eyes and kept driving.  


Only 4 minutes had passed when Ray pulled up outside Mikey and Gerard’s apartment building. He deduced that it had to be something involving the two of them, but as Frank followed Ray up the stairs and down the hallway, he didn’t stop at their door. “Uh, Ray, you missed it. It’s back here.” Frank stopped in front of door 17 and gestured towards it with his thumb.  


Ray turned around and rolled his eyes again. “I know where Mikey and Gee live, dumbass. We’re not going there right now, we’re going to this one.” Ray pointed at the door right next to the one Frank was standing at. A shiny number 18 was nailed to the frame.  


Frank wasn’t quite sure what Ray was doing, but he followed regardless, patiently waiting as he unlocked the door and swun it open. Frank looked inside, the layout was an exact mirror of Gerard’s apartment, but this one was bare, save the prefabricated kitchen that matched the one next door. “I don’t get it, Ray.” He said as he walked inside, scanning the walls and floor for any clues.  


“Frank.” Ray switched on the light. “This is our new apartment.”  


“What?” Frank asked as he turned back to face Ray.  


“It’s cheaper than our current place, it’s closer to your new job, you don’t have to sleep so close to that alley and that stupid bar, and Mikey and Gerard are right next door. I saw it was up for rent, and knew it was the right choice. Mikey put in a good word for us with the renter and I signed the lease yesterday.” Ray couldn’t hide his excitement anymore. “What do you think?”  


“I-” Frank turned away, just for a moment, to take another look around the apartment through new eyes. When he turned back to face Ray, his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears. “It’s perfect, really Ray, thank you. How is it possible for you to be this amazing of a friend?”  


“And, since you and Mikey work so close and the stores have the same hours, you can hopefully carpool with him.” Ray placed his hand on Frank’s shoulder. “It’s gonna be so much better this way, It’ll be easier to keep everyone safe, and more convenient for when you and Mikey need to feed, and we can finally go back to actually having a bed to ourselves every night.”  


“Safe,” Frank repeated. The real safety from being close, the safety from the nightmares, safety away from that stupid fucking bar and stupid fucking alley. And maybe, just mabe, it didn’t mean having a bed to himself every night, it would actually mean sharing a bed every night, safely in Gerard’s arms, and Gerard safely in his. Frank pulled Ray against him in a tight hug. “Thank you, so fucking much.”  


Ray rubbed a hand over Frank’s back. “Of course. We can start moving when I get done with work tomorrow, we should be fully in by the end of the week.”  


When Frank finally pulled away, he noticed Ray still had a strange expression on his face. “What is it?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.  


“Nothing,” Ray tried to put on a poker face but was entirely unsuccessful. “Let’s just head next door while we’re here, hang out for a bit.”  


Frank had a sneaking suspicion that it wasn’t nothing, but he didn’t say anything as they left the new apartment and made their way next door. It only took a second after Ray knocked for Gerard to open the door, which was only more reason for Frank to believe that they had something else planned as well, he just wasn’t sure what or really, why.  


“Hey, how’d the interview go?” Gerard asked Frank as he and Ray shuffled into the living room.  


“They hired me on the spot.” Frank smiled, I’m finally going to be able to pay Ray my half of the rent again.  


“That’s awesome!” Gerard squeaked and quickly hugged Frank. While they were pressed together he whispered in Frank’s ear, “Do you like the apartment?”  


Frank nodded and kissed the side of Gerard’s face, it becoming very obvious that they were all a part of some plan.  


“Come with me, I have something to show you.” Gerard said as he pulled away and instead took hold of Frank’s hand. Frank felt like he was being herded to a lot of places today, but if he was being honest, he’d follow Gerard anywhere, so right now wasn’t going to be an exception.  


Frank let Gerard pull him into his bedroom and sit him on the bed before finally asking, “What’s up with you guys, what’s so special about today?” while gesturing towards the door.  


“You don’t know?” Gerard cocked his head to the side.  


“Honestly? No. This can’t all be for me getting a job, you couldn’t have known that would happen today.” Frank said.  


“Frankie, it’s the one month anniversary of you being turned. Not only that, but you haven’t had another incident since that first night, that’s amazing!” Gerard kissed Frank’s forehead.  


“I guess I just stopped paying attention to the days passing. A month, huh, that feels both way too long and way too short at the same time.” Frank shrugged.  


“Well, I just, all of us actually, Mikey especially, know how hard the transition can be, more so early on, and I’m just really really proud of you and mostly I-” Gerard’s voice cracked so he tried again, ignoring the growing lump in his throat. “Mostly I’m just happy you’re alive and you’re here. So maybe it’s not celebrating one month since being turned, it’s celebrating one month since you were given a second chance at life, since we were given a second chance at us.”  


“A second chance to do this.” Frank murmured as he caught the collar of Gerard’s shirt and gently pulled him down until their lips met.  


Gerard couldn’t help but giggle a little. “Yeah, that too.” He said against Frank’s lips before pulling away completely. “There’s actually something else I had in mind though, something you love but don’t really do anymore, and I wanted to fix that. Now that you’ve got a second chance and all. Close your eyes.”  


Frank shook his head but complied anyway.  


There was a small rustle and the sound of Gerard opening his closet, after another few seconds Gerard said. “Okay, you can open them now.”  


Frank blinked his eyes open slowly and took in the sight in front of him. Gerard was holding a large rectangular box and slowly set it on the bed next to Frank. Frank hesitated for a moment, just looking between Gerard and the box.  


“Go ahead, open it.” Gerard smiled and placed a reassuring hand on Frank’s shoulder.  


Slowly, Frank began to lift the lid, trying to raise it evenly so it wouldn’t get stuck on one of the corners. With a final scrape of cardboard on cardboard, the contents of the box were revealed. Between bubble wrap and cardboard braces a brand new guitar sat, shiny, dark brown, and entirely Frank’s. “Gee,” Frank whispered, almost too shocked to touch the smooth finish, scared it was just a dream and everything would disappear if he moved. Gerard gave an encouraging squeeze to Frank’s shoulder and that was what he needed to reach out and pull the guitar out of the box. He held the body against his chest and ran his fingers over the strings, up over the headstock and back down the neck again. Frank craned his neck to look up at Gerard. “You got this for me?”  


“When I saw you play a few weeks ago, I’ve never seen you happier, I could see how important it was to you. You needed this, you’ve gone way too long without something you love this much.” Gerard ran his fingers through Frank’s hair.  


“I really can’t thank you enough, this is amazing.” Frank smiled down at the guitar and strummed down over the strings softly. “I love it.”  


“Ray helped me pick it out, I wanted to get something similar to your old guitar, and he said this was as close as we were gonna be able to find.” Gerard said as he watched Frank’s fingers move.  


“Thank you.” Frank nervously placed the guitar back in the box, scared of it having the same fate as his last guitar. He was beyond excited to play it, but now wasn’t the time, right it was time to spend with the amazing, beautiful man who bought it for him. When he stood and turned around, Gerard noticed for the first time that he was crying.  


“What’s wrong?” Gerard asked, grabbing Frank’s hand.  


“Nothing, really,” Frank rubbed his free hand over his face. “I’m just lucky. You, and Ray, and Mikey, you’re all just really amazing friends. I just love you a lot, Gee.”  


“I love you too, Frankie.” Gerard pulled Frank in for a quick kiss. “I got us a bottle of wine and a movie too.”  


“Oh let’s do that!” Frank returned the kiss and began pulling Gerard back to the living room. He quickly sat on the couch and let Gerard retrieve the DVD from the entryway table. “What movie?” Frank asked while trying to peak over Gerard’s shoulder as he put the DVD in the player.  


“It’s a surprise. The last one today, I promise.” Gerard waved him off. “The wine is on the counter if you want to grab that and two glasses from the cabinet.”  


“Fine,” Frank rolled his eyes at Gerard’s back, even though he could see. He still got up and made his way to the kitchen.  


Ray and Mikey were sitting close together at the kitchen table, one comic book held between the two of them. “Did you like your present?” Ray asked with a smirk as Frank walked by.  


Frank stopped for a moment and smiled. “It’s amazing, both the guitar and the apartment. You got good taste.” With that he turned back towards his goal sitting on the kitchen counter.  


“I know I’ve got good taste.” Ray muttered, winking at Mikey, an exchange completely missed by Frank and Gerard. Mikey giggled.  


Gerard was already settled on the couch with the remote in his hand when Frank made it back from the kitchen. He poured them each a glass of wine and curled up halfway on top of Gerard. To which Gerard responded by showering his cheek with kisses.  


Mikey took that as his and Ray’s cue to leave the room. “We’ll be in my room, you two have a good night.” Mikey smirked and took Ray’s hand, guiding him out of the living room and into his bedroom.  


They had it basically down to a system at this point, whenever Mikey needed to feed, the best way to sit, how long it took, even down to the perfect bandaid placement.  


Afterwards, they’d lay in bed together, talking or cuddling or both, partially to give Frank and Gerard more time alone, partially for their own time alone. Tonight was nothing different. Ray was laying on his back, hands resting on his stomach as Mikey wound curls of Ray’s hair around his fingers. He was telling Mikey about guitar shopping with Gerard and how he had to pick up each and every guitar and feel it for himself, before asking Ray to play it so he could hear what it sounded like. They left the store that day with the first guitar Ray pulled off the wall, but that didn’t stop them from spending close to five hours there.  


Mikey always thought he could listen to Ray talk forever, so when he moved on to talking about his coworkers and his day at work, Mikey rolled onto his back and closed his eyes so he could completely focus on the calming sound of his voice. That calmness didn’t last long, because after only a few minutes of laying there, a sick feeling began to rise from the pit of Mikey’s stomach and he felt a cold sweat break out on the back of his neck. “Ray, I don’t feel good.” Mikey cut in on Ray’s story and nervously looked over at him.  


“What’s wrong?” Ray rolled onto his side to take hold of one of Mikey’s hands. “Are you hurt?”  


“No, no, I’m not hurt. I feel sick, like nauseous.” Mikey placed a hand on his abdomen. “I have to-” He broke off as he quickly shot up from the bed and raced out of the room.  


“Mikey?” Ray yelled after him before quickly rising to follow. The door to the bathroom was mostly shut, but there was a sliver of light coming through. There was the muffled sound of retching also coming through the cracked door. “Mikey?” Ray asked again and knocked on the door.  


“Help,” Was all Mikey was able to choke out, but it was enough to have Ray bursting into the room and kneeling by his side in a matter of seconds. Mikey was laying on the floor, a hand still resting on the edge of the toilet. There was a sick mixture of red and black fluid and sinew in the bowl.  


“Oh my god.” Ray whispered as he pulled Mikey’s head against his chest. His skin was clammy and his body was limp in Ray’s arms. He sat there, just holding Mikey tightly and rubbing his back until he stopped shaking.  


Mikey had no idea how long they were sitting there, but finally, he gathered the strength to lift his head just enough to look at Ray. “I need to lay back down, can you help me back to my bed?”  


Ray stood up slowly, and Mikey tried to follow suit, but Ray was having none of that, not with the way Mikey’s legs were shaking. Instead, Ray picked him up completely and carried him out of the room. It was almost shocking how light and easy to carry Mikey really was. Ray was trying his best not to jostle Mikey too much, so he walked slowly, angling their bodies to fit through the doorway and back into the bedroom. It took him a moment to lower Mikey back to the bed as gently as he possibly could. He looked impossibly fragile and pale. Once Ray had Mikey settled back into bed, the blankets pulled up to his neck, Ray kissed the top of his head softly. “I’m going to go tell Gerard, okay?”  


“Okay.” Mikey nodded weakly.  


Gerard and Frank were still intertwined together on the couch, only vaguely watching the movie, but mostly sneaking kisses and stealing glances between sips of wine. Their attention was quickly stolen by Ray rushing into the room. “Gee, something’s wrong with Mikey. He said he was sick and then he rushed out of the room and threw up. It looked bad. And now he’s cold and weak and I don’t know what happened. Something’s really wrong.”  


“Where is he now?” Gerard stood up as quickly as he could with Frank still half on top of him.  


“He’s back in bed.” Ray wrung his hands together in front of him.  


“Has this ever happened before since he’s been turned, getting sick and throwing up?” Frank asked nervously, suddenly very sober.  


“No,” Gerard’s face was grim. “Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who’s made it this far!!! This is the end of Taking Back the Life You Stole, BUT, there will be a second part (it might possibly be a trilogy), I just need to take a little break first to work on other projects as well as just be a human for a bit, but I already have plans for it so hopefully you’ll come back when I start posting that one.  
> I’d also like to thank two of my closest friends for reading every chapter as I wrote it over the whole summer and for pushing for me to actually upload it on here. Without them, I probably would have never finished this, much less actually publicly share it  
> This is the first time I’ve ever posted any of my fanfiction, even though I’ve been writing for around 8 or 9 years now, I just never had the confidence to actually share anything. If people like this I might even post some of the other things I’ve worked on over the years. See you all in the next part <3


End file.
